Cycle the 8th

**After finishing this post I realized how long it is. I'm sorry! Thank you if you read all the way through. If you don't, I won't be offended.

Okay I've mentioned several times that I have always felt a calling to adopt. Before thoughts of TTC, before Kevin, heck before I grew up, I always wanted to adopt. I don't know if I innately knew that I would have trouble TTC or if God gave me a nudge to help me cope with IF, but it's always been the plan. Kevin not so much. Not that he was against adoption but he always thought of it as something you did if you couldn't have kids. So back in Jan/Feb when we went to the JFS adoption workshop and had our first appt with Dr. G, we agreed to give Dr. G a few months/cycles and if nothing happened, go ahead and start the adoption process. So in a way I've been looking forward to this cycle, if only because it means that we can move forward with adoption if it fails. That's sounds horrible doesn't it? It's just hard to give up your dreams or keep having to put them off. And for me the dream was having kids, not getting pregnant.

CD4 - Monday

I return to RIC and in my email inbox is my receipt for the HMG & HCG. $600!!! Oh. My. Goodness. That's a lot of dough. That's 3 return flights down to Florida to visit my parents. Just shy of a return flight to England. It's almost 6 months of agility lessons. For both dogs. It's a lot of money just so that I can might possibly get pregnant. And that's if it works this time. I've ovulated 4 times this year and still I'm not pregnant. I'm more than ever convinced of my calling to adopt. I feel like I'm wasting my time and money with the RE, this is not going to work. So when I get home and talk about it to Kevin, I tell him that I'm done. I'm so over these endless trips to the RE, my obsession with CM, CDs & BBT, the mounting bills, and mostly my body stubbornly refusing to produce better results with more powerful medicine. I tell him that this is the last medicated/assisted cycle. I know he's not ready for adoption, but I'll wait and when he is ready, we'll start the adoption process. He says okay and then proceeds to give me my first shot of HMG.

CD5, CD6 & CD7

Nothing major TTC-wise happened on these days. Got the shots like normal, nothing disturbing. Non-TTC wise I got in a car accident on Wednesday (CD6). Everyone was fine, no injuries. It involved one slow moving car backing out of a parking space (me) and another car cruising for a parking spot and stopping right behind said backwards-moving car. I totally didn't see the other car until I felt the crunch of the cars colliding. In moving forward back into my space, my back bumper was ripped off. I dropped off my car at the body shop on Thursday and since then, we've been a one-car family again. Except it's more annoying this time around.

CD8

My big appointment. It was scheduled for 8:30am. We were going to be able to see what twice the dosage had done for me. I show up at Dr. G's office and R greets me with a "What are you doing here?" Apparently Dr. G went on vacation early. And somehow mixed up what Friday my appt was so then the staff couldn't call me to reschedule or send me to the coverage RE's office. So after some phone calls & checking charts, it was decided that I should go see the standin RE. Whose office doesn't open till 9am and is across the river. J gets me an appt at 9:40am and I head across town. I got to see a new RE for my u/s. He found a 6mm and 9mm follicle on my left ovary and couldn't see anything on the right. I was kinda upset at this because last cycle lefty showed up early and then fizzled out. Plus nothing on the right! Anyways, he bumped me back up to 300ius HMG for the next three injections and made an appt for me on Monday. This left me in a bit of a predicament. I only had 6 vials (75iu) at home. So I call J to find out what to do and she says that she has some she can lend me but that I'll need to pick them up by noon. No problem! Today is Kevin's work from home day so he can just swing by around noon to pick them up. I call Kevin. He reminds me that I have the only car. Ugg! So I call J back even more panicked. I tell her there's no way I can travel back to their office to pick up the meds (I'm already an hour late to when I said I'd be at work) and that Kevin doesn't have a car. She suggests that she leave them in a bag with my name on it and taped to the door. I can pick them up when I get out of work (again an hour later than normal because the appt took so long). I see no other option so I agree. Hopefully nobody will swipe my meds. Then about 2pm Kevin callls. He had ridden his bike down to the office (6 miles each way) and picked up the meds so they were now safely at home. Crisis averted.

CD9 & CD10

HMG injections continue. They're getting more painful and I'm now bleeding a bit. My mail-order Rx finally come in.

CD11

This u/s (at coverage RE's office cause Dr. G is still on vacation) is scheduled for 12:20pm but the RE is late so I end up not seeing him till 12:40. He sees a 10mm and 13mm follicle on left but can't find the right. After several minutes he gives up. He has me stay on 300ius and says that he thinks that if I do an IUI, it will probably be at the weekend. However he's concerned that he can't find my right ovary so he wants me to go see Dr. G the next day (when he's back). After a whole afternoon of back and forth with J about the necessity of me coming in on Tuesday vs. Wednesday/Thursday I finally cave and agree to come in on Tuesday. I just thought it was silly because really, how much could it grow in 1-2 days if there wasn't anything there on Friday. But whatever.

CD12

I show up to Dr. G's office armed with my HMG (to replenish the office meds). When Dr. G figures out that I just saw the RE the previous day, he asks "What are you doing here today then?". Grrr. So u/s again and lefty has a 15mm follicle and righty (after a bit of looking!) has a 9mm follicle. 300ius for the next two days and I should come back on Thursday. I know they're trying to stay on top of this follicle situation, but seriously, I. have. work! That evening when I'm about 5 minutes away from home (and 30 minutes away from work) I realize I've left my HMG in my desk drawer. I rush back to work and then home, arriving an hour and fifteen minutes past my normal time for my injection. I end up missing the BSC baby shower for one of the ladies. Worst of all I subject my BSC & CISG buddy, S, to being there alone because I have no way of getting ahold of her to tell her I'm missing the class. Here I was looking forward to her being there with me because we could deal together and I abandon her. Luckily she forgave me when she found out what happened.

CD13

HMG still painful and bleeding. What the heck is Kevin doing?

CD14

My appt was at 11:30 originally but J called and asked me to come in 15 minutes early. I show up by 11:20 and there are two people in the waiting rooms as well as the exam rooms full. Seems Dr. Grrr (his new nickname!) is running late and has an office full of patients. At noon (when I told work I'd be back) I'm finally shown to an exam room and it takes another 10 minutes before Dr. Grrr shows up. Lefty is sporting an 18mm! Dr. Grrr says I'm ready and that I can trigger that night and have an IUI on Saturday. He comments again how I only produced 1 follicle even though we doubled the meds. According to him I should have follicles everywhere! Hello what about the fact that I have a 18mm follicle on CD14 when that usually doesn't happen till CD20 or so? Anyways, I'm a bit nervous about triggering 2 days before the IUI so I wait until right before midnight to get the HCG.

CD15

No more regular injections! Plus it's Friday! Plus I didn't ovulate (for once a good thing)!

CD16

Kevin goes in for his pre-appt at 8am and then comes home. We watch a bit of TV and then head to coverage RE's office (the same one I saw on Monday) for our noon apppt. IUI was painless, but uncomfortable. About 20 minutes after the procedure we were sent home. The RE said I could go back to normal activity. Pssshaw! I took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day and took the rest of the day way easy.

CD17, CD18, & CD19

BBTs are up which means I ovulated on Saturday. Awesome!

CD20

Today. I'm also 4DPIUI and 4DPO. Kevin keeps saying that DPIUI stands for dots per inch-user interface. Oh that funny guy! Tomorrow is the HCG booster (5000ius) to help my LP. As of right now it's the last shot ever.

He's Making Me Do It

I don’t wanna, but I have to.  I called R at Dr. G's office to find out if I can have a p4 test at the end of the week but first Dr. G wants me to continue taking my temps for the rest of this week so he can try to figure out what is going on. That’s not so bad since I get up at 6 am during the week. Hopefully I can stop by the weekend. My temp this morning fell again. Bummer.

One of the ladies at my BSC is pregnant and the group has decided to throw her a baby shower at the last class. She's really nice and does a lot of the organizing for us so I'm glad we can do this for her. At first though, when the emails started, I had to wait a few rounds before I finally could reply. I'm so grateful S (my friend from ISG) is in the class with me! After last week's IF day and the constant talk about the preggo lady and childbirth, it's nice to know that I've got someone next to me thinking & feeling nearly the same things as me. A bit of misery loves company I know, but if only I had someone like that with me 24/7 (husbands don't count).

Early Week Update

Monday I went back into Dr. G's office. I was kind of apprehensive about going in because all weekend I'd been having ovary pains. But on the right side where the wimpy follicle was not on the left side where the two super follicles were. At the u/s we looked at the left side first and Dr. G was not impressed. The follicles had barely grown and in fact more follicles were getting bigger but the two big ones from Friday had pretty much stayed the same size. Then he looked on the right side and that 7mm follicle had jumped to be 12mm! Great growth, but still on the small side considering I was on CD14. Course of action: up my daily injection from 150iu to 225iu and come back on Wednesday for another u/s. Dude! I have a job! I can't keep taking time off to come in for an u/s! But whatever, of course I'm going in today.
So baby news: Last wednesday #25 had their baby. A little boy. They came home on Saturday and put a big stork in their yard. I've already talked to them and mentioned I would like to cook them a meal so I'm waiting for them to tell me when is a good night. Tuesday my co-worker's wife was induced. They're having a little girl. I haven't heard the details yet, but I'm sure pictures of her/them will be posted on the board in the break room (this is what happened last year when two other co-worker's wives had their kiddos).
This spring, the BSC I go to has been working through Beth Moore's Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life. I've been having issues with this study for various reasons but this past week was Week 6 which I had a problem with nearly every day. First off, in the second day in she makes a sweeping declaration that "practically every little girl has at least four dreams: 1) to be a bride, 2) to be beautiful, 3) to be fruitful (which we usually define as having children), and 4) to live happily ever after." As someone who didn't grow up wanting to be a bride or have my own kids, it really rubbed me the wrong way. And yes, I know she said "practically" but it didn't read that way when I first came across it. I know I've changed my mind and I did do the first and am trying to do the third, but it just bothered me. Anyways, I was really interested in what the day that covered topic three was going to be like and it was a mixed bag. There were some great parts, "Infertility offers fertile soil for shame." and accordingly "Remember, shame is Sa.tan's game." Which confirmed decisions I had made for myself about dealing with this whole struggle. But the rest of the daily just seemed dismissive, that while we might not be able to have physical children, we'll be blessed with spiritual children (based on Isaiah 54:1-3). Children who are not our own but who we've been able to help guide and shape spiritually. I've coached, I've taught, mentored and just befriended lot of kids who still keep in touch now that they've become teenagers and young adults. And you know what? It's not the same. Maybe it's just little of me and maybe I'm not opening myself up to what God might have intended for me but I in no way believe that I'm going to be fine with that if Kevin and I go through life being a family of two.

HMG, HCG & HSG

Monday morning I got into work determined that I was gonna call R. as soon as possible and find out why she left me such a crappy message. I ended up getting sidetracked, but then R. called me. At first she was totally like "you left me a message on Friday?" and it took a while for her to remember that she called me first. Arg! I have a feeling I'm going to be feeling like that a lot with R. Anyways, she had my results: 0.8! WTF?!? That's like worse than worse. I was hoping for something positive. She said that she called in Provera to my pharmacy, we should order the HMG & HCG and come in that week with Kevin for an injecting lesson. I was like Woah! I told her that before I went and spent all that money on this stuff that I wanted an HSG done first. I figured that I've ovulated twice this year and that nothing has happened so that I wanted to know that all this plumbing worked before we took the plunge into the land of injectibles. She agreed with me and said she would talk to Dr. G.
About two hours later Dr. G called me himself and said that he agreed about the HSG and that once AF came, that I should call and we could schedule the procedure. He then said that he still wants me to do the injectibles. I agreed. About two hours after that, R. called me and wanted my credit card information so that she could order the HMG & HCG. But they only took visa, which Kevin and I don't have. She wanted to fax the Rx to me so that I could call them and arrange payment. My only fax machine is my computer and it's totally not set up to receive anything. I told her that I would be home around 5:35 and could set it up then. She said she would wait and then fax it to me. Well she calls me at 5:20 and says that she's gonna try sending it to me and she thought I would be home by now. Hello! Do you not listen? So I missed the fax. And because I was rushing to get home, I didn't stop by the pharmacy to pick up the provera.
That night was also the second Monday night BSC. I was totally unprepared for it but it was a good class with lots of great discussions. I'm determined to get all the coursework done this week. Also at 10pm I had my second soccer game of the season. It was okay, but we tied 5-5. I only scored once and I don't even think I had an assist. Although I did play a majority of the game which was weird cause we had 6 subs, so we each should have only played half. I guess D. really wanted to win. We were losing at half time and took the lead in the second half. But then with about 5 minutes to go, let them come back with a tying goal.

In A Family Way

Let me take you back in time. To 13 days ago - St. Patrick's Day. A friend, S, from my ISG is opening a new store and I went to the store opening. It's such a cute shop! I'm excited for her and her husband. Also while talking to S, she mentioned that she would like to join my bible study class(BSC) the following week. I was all sorts of excited and when I went to the BSC I told the organizer about it. Then they announced that the class originally scheduled for 3/24 would actually be the day before. Oh no! This meant I would miss the class because the family would be around, but also meant that I would miss S' first class. I was so upset. I emailed them to let them know I would be missing. They also moved the class that was suppose to be on 3/31 to today, but this one I can go to so I'm looking forward to going back - although I haven't done any of the weekly readings. Oops!
Two days later, Thursday, Wiki and I are out running errands when the "incident" occurs. I'll tell you more about this later though. I've still not wrapped my mind around it. We picked up my parents from the airport. Later we went to agility at the new agility place. The new building is huge and since it's a new place, very distracting. Les tried Kevin's patience, but we got some great pictures out of it. Dave was great for me. Ah, the benefits of having an older dog. :)
Friday we had a family shopping day. Kevin tried to get out of it, but I reminded him how he forces me to go on his family outings even though I have tried repeatedly to get out of them. I told him to think of these shopping trips as my family's version of going on big walks. So he came with us and was agreeable the whole day! We spent most of our time in Ko.hl's. I love that place. He even bought himself two shirts, a jumper, shorts & a hat! All I got was one shirt and some towels for the downstairs loo. Sheesh! Bonus though, we found a bathroom kit that we both liked right away, which is rare, so we're gonna go back and get it.
Saturday we went to Colonial Williamsburg for the day. Kevin and I had been wanting to go for a while, but everytime we had visitors, they always wanted to do other things. We got summer passes though, so we're hoping to go again during the summer. It is really a neat place and I'm itching to visit Jamestown now.
Sunday we had family portaits done. Last year, Kevin and I got them done with Dave & Les, but that place has closed down. Blast that economy! Anyways, this year we went to a place around the corner. No pets allowed! :(
Monday I went to work but everyone else went on a tour of battlefields near RVA. Then after work, I had my soccer game. D, the team manager, never got back to me to say it wasn't okay that Wiki played, so I took her anyway. It was a good thing though! As of game time, we only had 7 players ready to play. And we play 7v7! Eventually 4 other players showed up, so we had subs. The new players all seem to be good. We ended up winning 9-0. I was able to score twice and got 3 assists. Wiki didn't score but said she had some assists. Afterwards we went out to dinner.
Tuesday I got up at 4am to drive Wiki to the airport followed by Kevin with my parents in the car. Their flights out were at 6am! I then came back home and crawled back into bed until it was time to go to work.
So all in all a good time, very tiring, but lots of fun. And now you're only 6 days in the past.

I've made it!

Today is 7DPO. I've lasted longer than last time I ovulated. I'm now in my 1WW. Also today I've reached my "Less-than-1-month-till-I-see-my-new-RE" point. Wow! I'm hoping this week goes by fast. And it should as it's going to be pretty busy. Tomorrow night we have the next concert in our RVA Symphony series. Tuesday is our adoption orientation at JFS. I'm excited about this one because I've heard that they don't have a marriage length requirement. Most places make you wait till your third anniversary before they'll even let you apply. Wednesday I'm going to a Family Meals Ministry meeting at church. Yes, part of the ministry is cooking, which I don't usually do here at home, but the other part is actually going out to the parish families and delivering the food. I wouldn't mind that part, I love meeting new people. Especially people that I might see later at church. I was kind of disappointed that I never ran into any of the ladies from the BSC at church. I guess they all go to earlier masses than Kevin and I do. Thursday is Les and Dave's agility class and Friday we're suppose to go climbing again. By that point I will be 12dpo and the HCG shot should be out of my system so I can test and get a reliable result. I haven't decided when I'm going to test yet, but I guess I'll decide that if I make it to 14dpo. Saturday is also the next meeting of the Infertility Support Group so I'm looking forward to that. It's been almost 2 months since our last meeting.
I have decided to take a break from BBT. I told myself that if I made it through 6dpo just fine, then really, I didn't need a temp again till 10dpo. So this morning when the alarm went off at 6am (Kevin set it for some reason last night.) I just got up and turned it off. Then I went back to bed. It's just a 3 day break, but at least I'll have three nights of being able to thrash around if I want and sleeping until the alarm goes off.

Wednesday from TBWE

Today's activity was my weekly Bible Study Class.  I've written a bunch of posts on this, but I've not published any of them! Oops!  I will soon. I'm still collecting all my thoughts. The class has been really interesting.  It's the first time I've done something like this.  Most of the women in the class are all older with kids and families and stuff, but I can keep my own. This past week we focused on Judith.  Which is who the book cover painting is about, so I figured that  would make a good pic to post.

There's only one more class which will be next next week.  They're already talking about doing another class after the holidays.  I think I'd be willing.