...Outta Mind

Dr. G doesn't like using FF so he has me transfer my temps to these charts he has. I could just bypass FF, but I like having instant access that I can play around with. Anyways, today I was transferring the temps over and seeing those good temps made me smile inside. Which was good, because all day I keep thinking that I'm having pre-AF cramps. There's this general heaviness that usually happens the couple of days before AF arrives. So far 10DPO (which just happens to be today) is my average LP, but I did have a 12DPO once. I am so glad I haven't been bbting. Although I do admit I went through Kevin's usual hiding spots to see if I could find where he hid my thermometer. It was a moment of weakness! I'm glad I didn't find it! But now I need to figure out his new hiding spot. On principle of course.

Outta Sight...

Friday morning I woke up to a with a fantastic BBT. I also woke up with a tickle in my throat. I immediately panicked about the tickle because I cannot get sick for a third time while TTC! Seriously being sick without being able to take nyquil is the worst! Kevin has been nursing a sore throat/runny nose for the past week or so and I was not going to catch it! Luckily since that morning that tickle hasn't come back. Whew!
So with my fantastic BBT on Friday, that meant that FF could confirm ovulation. Of course, it thought I had ovulated on Tuesday instead of last Friday. I just pushed it back to Friday. Not that it matters, I can't test till next Tuesday anyway per Kevin's request that I only test when he's around. I've also decided that I'm not temping for the rest of the 2ww. Isn't it amazing how much a good temp gives you hope? How you're floating on a cloud with "proof" that you might be pregnant? Yeah, that's where I was Friday morning. And you know what? I liked that feeling. I don't want it to go away. So I told Kevin to hide my thermometer and I removed my chart from the blog. Outta sight, outta mind, right? At least I know I won't be obsessing about it and clicking the link all the time. It's not like it's going to change between now and then. Also falling temps during this week always depresses me and I don't want to be upset before my trip this weekend. I want to be in a good mood until next Tuesday.

So. Hilarious.

This morning at 3:30am, Kevin and I awoke to the sound of a thump-thump-thump. We look over and Les had fallen off the bed! She was sleeping on Kevin's side of the bed. She got up and looked at us like we were the culprits that caused her to fall. Dave, who sleeps on her bed on my side of the bed even got up and walked over to make sure Les was okay. Then she decided to jump on the bed. And then Les got back on the bed. So from 3:30am to 6:30am all of us were on the bed. It was a bit cramped.

R. called me this morning to get my temps from Tuesday, Wednesday and today(98.1°) and she seems to think that I have ovulated. She's not sure if it was on Friday or Tuesday though. She said it's rare though not unheard of for someone to ovulate that late after a shot. Whatever. So I'm either 6dpo or 2dpo. I'm going to go with the 6dpo cause then I'm nearly half done with my 2ww and also maybe I'll actually make it to a 14 day LP, even if I am cheating. 

Holy Tender Boops, Batman!

Seriously, they are hurting! I don't ever think they've been this sensitive before. It all started Tuesday afternoon. I noticed that the girls were responding to accidental bumps (I'm a D cup so accidental bumps happen all the time!). I thought maybe it was because of my soccer game on Monday and how much running I did in that game. And then on the way home last night from BSC I started cramping up and seriously was concerned that AF was coming. Which is totally awkward because I didn't even know that I ovulated! And then this morning my temp went way up to 98° which is weird. I'm not sure what the heck is going on but whatever, I'll take what I can get.
Last night Les and Dave got promoted to Level 6! They'll now be doing agility outdoors! They're still not 100% consistent but they get better all the time. I'm kinda afraid what's going to happen in September (they're spending the month with my parents down in Florida) but hopefully they won't slide backwards too much.

He's Making Me Do It

I don’t wanna, but I have to.  I called R at Dr. G's office to find out if I can have a p4 test at the end of the week but first Dr. G wants me to continue taking my temps for the rest of this week so he can try to figure out what is going on. That’s not so bad since I get up at 6 am during the week. Hopefully I can stop by the weekend. My temp this morning fell again. Bummer.

One of the ladies at my BSC is pregnant and the group has decided to throw her a baby shower at the last class. She's really nice and does a lot of the organizing for us so I'm glad we can do this for her. At first though, when the emails started, I had to wait a few rounds before I finally could reply. I'm so grateful S (my friend from ISG) is in the class with me! After last week's IF day and the constant talk about the preggo lady and childbirth, it's nice to know that I've got someone next to me thinking & feeling nearly the same things as me. A bit of misery loves company I know, but if only I had someone like that with me 24/7 (husbands don't count).

I'm Giving Up on BBT

That's right! I'm no longer slave to that IF ritual every morning. No more waking myself (and Kevin) up at 6 am on Saturdays and Sundays just so I can take a freaking temp that always depresses me. This weekend: Friday my temp was in my normal range at 97.4°. Saturday it jumped up to 98.0°. Yes! I ovulated. Then Sunday it dropped to 97.6°. WTF??? And today it was 97.7°. Both of those are below my 97.8° usual coverline. I've got a couple of theories which include the current heat wave in RVA (it was 94° on both days!) and missing winter blankets (did i mention it was 94° each day this weekend?). But now I'm thinking that I might call my doctor and request a P4 test for this Saturday.
Last Thursday evening we went round to #25 to drop off a Lasagna Stoup we made for them. Good thing we did! Visiting at the time was their MIL and BIL as well as a neighborhood kid who was playing with their 4 year old. I sat next to Mr. #25 to get a look at the new kiddo and he asked me if I wanted to hold him. Can I just tell you a wave of sheer panic overcame me. I think I answered something along the lines of "No! I don't hold babies, just look at them." BIL shared that he was afraid of holding the baby too and that it took a while for him to get use to it. But the fact that the first emotion I felt was panic made me question if I am ready for a baby? I've never been a newborn baby fan - I fall in love with them when they're like 5/6 months old. What the heck am I going to do?

Week End Update

15mm! Just shy of the 16mm that Dr. G likes to see in order to give the HCG trigger. Left ovary was doing absolutely nothing. Dr. G did say he was dissappointed I only had one good size follicle even with injectibles. So Wednesday night I had to do another round of 225iu HMG. Then yesterday, I gave myself the trigger. We're hoping that I ovulate today, tomorrow at the latest and then we're back to the 2ww.

While in the office, Dr. G did ask me what I want to do about next cycle. No he's not being negative, just pratical. It takes a week for the meds to get to me and next cycle he wants to start around CD3 instead of CD6. We started late this cycle because I wanted an HSG done. Anyways, because I'll need to order next cycles meds before we know if this cycle has worked, Kevin and I need to decide what we want to do. I'm leaning toward just going ahead and getting them and if I do get pregnant, figure out what to do with them then.

On the POAS situation, Kevin wants me to wait till I get back from Florida to take an HPT! I don't want to POAS unless I'm on CD15. Which is Saturday or Sunday. I leave early doors on Saturday, most likely way too early for FMU to be any good. I know it's going to kill me to wait until the following Tuesday! Arg!

Early Week Update

Monday I went back into Dr. G's office. I was kind of apprehensive about going in because all weekend I'd been having ovary pains. But on the right side where the wimpy follicle was not on the left side where the two super follicles were. At the u/s we looked at the left side first and Dr. G was not impressed. The follicles had barely grown and in fact more follicles were getting bigger but the two big ones from Friday had pretty much stayed the same size. Then he looked on the right side and that 7mm follicle had jumped to be 12mm! Great growth, but still on the small side considering I was on CD14. Course of action: up my daily injection from 150iu to 225iu and come back on Wednesday for another u/s. Dude! I have a job! I can't keep taking time off to come in for an u/s! But whatever, of course I'm going in today.
So baby news: Last wednesday #25 had their baby. A little boy. They came home on Saturday and put a big stork in their yard. I've already talked to them and mentioned I would like to cook them a meal so I'm waiting for them to tell me when is a good night. Tuesday my co-worker's wife was induced. They're having a little girl. I haven't heard the details yet, but I'm sure pictures of her/them will be posted on the board in the break room (this is what happened last year when two other co-worker's wives had their kiddos).
This spring, the BSC I go to has been working through Beth Moore's Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life. I've been having issues with this study for various reasons but this past week was Week 6 which I had a problem with nearly every day. First off, in the second day in she makes a sweeping declaration that "practically every little girl has at least four dreams: 1) to be a bride, 2) to be beautiful, 3) to be fruitful (which we usually define as having children), and 4) to live happily ever after." As someone who didn't grow up wanting to be a bride or have my own kids, it really rubbed me the wrong way. And yes, I know she said "practically" but it didn't read that way when I first came across it. I know I've changed my mind and I did do the first and am trying to do the third, but it just bothered me. Anyways, I was really interested in what the day that covered topic three was going to be like and it was a mixed bag. There were some great parts, "Infertility offers fertile soil for shame." and accordingly "Remember, shame is Sa.tan's game." Which confirmed decisions I had made for myself about dealing with this whole struggle. But the rest of the daily just seemed dismissive, that while we might not be able to have physical children, we'll be blessed with spiritual children (based on Isaiah 54:1-3). Children who are not our own but who we've been able to help guide and shape spiritually. I've coached, I've taught, mentored and just befriended lot of kids who still keep in touch now that they've become teenagers and young adults. And you know what? It's not the same. Maybe it's just little of me and maybe I'm not opening myself up to what God might have intended for me but I in no way believe that I'm going to be fine with that if Kevin and I go through life being a family of two.

Three more days

My appt was in the morning yesterday. Kevin went with me since it was his work-from-home day. Did I mention that he now gets to work from home one day a week? So unfair. Anyways Dr. G had no problems finding my right ovary. I has one 7mm follicle but he didn't seem too excited about it. Then he found the left and there were two follicles. One was 10mm and the other was 9mm. He seemed to like those better. He then announced that I would need to continue the HMG injections till Monday when I'm suppose to come back in. Frick! I thought I was done.
While we were doing the u/s, they were asking Kev how he was doing with giving the injections. Then Dr. G told us a story about a husband that once threw one at his wife like a dart. Dr. G was laughing so hard he could barely tell the story. It was cute.

Making Myself Crazy...

So I totally know I shouldn't do this but I have. I've planned out on my calendar where all the dates fall:

CD1: 4/7/09

HMG: 4/12 to 4/16

CD16: 4/22*

14DP0: 5/6

Chicken's Shower: 5/10

*Usually I ovulate around CD 18-20 when I have an HCG trigger, but I'm thinking it might be earlier since I'm on injectibles this cycle.

This is the last cycle I have before Chicken's baby shower. I know I shouldn't be fixed on this date but I am for some reason. Even if I don't ovulate till CD20 (4/26) that puts me 14DPO on 5/10. Whatever date it is, I'll need to decide if I want to POAS before her shower. Do I want to know that I'm not pregnant at her shower or do I still want some "glimmer of hope" during that weekend? Yes, I know that this might not even be an issue cause we won't know what the HMG is doing until Friday, but I can't help myself.

All Clear...Now

Today was the HSG (Hysterosalpingogram for those of you wondering). I was surprisingly not nervous about it. I showed up about 45 minutes early to get checked in. I got one of those cool patient bracelets. Once that was done I walked myself down to the radiology department. I was in the waiting room, just pulling out my book and they called me up. I then got moved to another waiting room. I settled down and pulled out my book and they called me again. This time I was in the actual x-ray room. I changed, got my book out again and about 5 minutes later, Dr. G walked in.

Once I actually laid down on the table, that's when I got nervous. But Dr. G was great, talking me though everything that he was doing. Even waving gauze at me telling me he was getting ready to use it. It hurt in the beginning, but pretty soon there wasn't really pain, just pressure. I got to see what was happening on a screen. I saw the dye go through the uterus and the fallopian tubes. The left one spilled out pretty fast. All Clear. The right one was a little blocked and Dr. G injected more dye and evenutally it spilled out. All Clear...Now. It was not lost on me that the right ovary has been the power player this whole time and the left ovary reluctant to do much of anything. I just love how my body keeps jinxing itself.

As I was leaving Dr. G made some comment about this cycle possibly working now that we've done this and cleared everything up. I kind of wish he didn't say anything because of course as soon as I got back to work I had to look it all up. According to this website:

There is some evidence that suggests that there is an uptick in fertility for the three cycles after the HSG.

I found some other websites that say the same thing.

The HMG injections started yesterday. They're not that bad. The worst part is the actual injecting the stuff in. It burns! Only three more days though!

In other Monday news: We won our indoor soccer game - 11-1. I scored two goals and had 2 or 3 assists. One assist off a corner I kicked in. Their lone goal came from a kick-off that caught our goalie too far from her line.
Also, we finally filed our taxes! We had to pay around $3,000 because Kevin messed up his withholdings during the year somehow. Did you know that if you owe more than $1000 you have to pay penalties on it? Yikes! This is the first year I've ever had to pay more than a couple hundred! I had my own business before so I got away with owing next to nothing and then with the deductions and write offs, I usually only had to pay a couple of hundred total for the year's taxes (since I was self employed, I didn't make regular payments through out the year like normal people do in their paychecks). Kevin has had the taxes done for ages, but always wants to double and triple check them before he sends them off.

Menses Test

I called Dr. G yesterday to let them know that I was on CD1. They made an appointment for me to come in for a Menses Test. My first though was "Don't you think I know what AF looks like?" It ocurred to me later that it was probably an u/s. And I was right. Everything looks good on both ovaries, although he had trouble finding the right one again. My HMG & HCG still haven't come in yet, so they "lent" me some that I can replenish when my stuff comes in. Of course the HMG has to be given in the behind by Kevin with the big a$$ needle (1 1/2 inches!). I'm suppose to start Sunday and continue till Thursday and then go back in for an u/s on Friday.
I had to remind Dr. G again that he agreed to do an HSG this cycle. I had to remind them yesterday too. Considering that I had to convince them to do it, I'm getting annoyed that they keep forgetting about it. Of course, I know that I have to remember that while I might know my case and history by heart, I can't expect them to know my case the same way. Anyways it's on Monday. I very clearly asked them if I needed to take anything beforehand and they said no! J. said "It will be over in 15 minutes, you should be find afterwards." ooooookay.

Shocker of the Season

You know, that one episode that's totally from left field and when you're done watching, you're kind of like "huh?" Ya, that's me in my IF life. Tonight when I was getting ready for bed I discovered that AF had made her appearance! Talk about unexpected, unwelcomed and unprepared! So now I have to call Dr. G. again. I called him today at lunch and he was not happy that I was not taking Provera. He kept stating over and over again that I was suppose to have started provera two Fridays ago. I should be calling him with news of AF's arrival. Well now I can. I know God has a plan, but really, sometimes I'm at a loss.