Still a boy!

This morning's appt went well.  I've noticed that after I eat a yogurt, GV gets really active so this morning I ate a yogurt right before driving to the OB's office. While we were waiting, I told Kevin. He just rolled his eyes at me. Then the u/s tech came in and after getting a good look at his heart and finishing off the measurements they didn't get last time she just looked at different angles of him. She confirmed that he is still a boy. This time I could feel him moving and she even commented that he was an active little boy. We got a few more shots. I'm sad that this is the last we'll see him until he's born.

Here's a good profile view of him:

His face (looking at you).

Another profile.

Kevin and I have been going through our calendars because it's time to start signing up for classes! We're taking a Baby Basics and Labor Basics class. Kev's taking a Boot Camp for New Dads class and I'm taking a Breastfeeding class. Then we'll have to tour the hospital...lots of stuff to schedule!

Oh, I told the DOC at my soccer club that I was expecting. I think he was a bit shocked but he recovered quickly and said congratulations. They've had a few other women coaches get pregnant during the season and he said each one has handled it a different way. I told him that I wanted to keep going as long as possible but that I did realize that soon I might not physically be able to keep up with the girls. Luckily I have an asst coach already who will be able to get more involved this season. As for next fall, well, we'll figure that out sometime over the summer.

20 Week Ultrasound and OB appt.

After checking in with the main office, I was sent to the u/s suite. I met Kevin there and we actually got called in about 5 minutes early. The whole ultrasound part took about 45 minutes. We got to see a lot of GV moving around and Kevin kept asking me if I could feel it. Then came the time for the u/s tech to ask us if we wanted to know. We said yes and she looked in that area. It's a boy!! He was lying on his tummy and didn't want to move.  The u/s tech tried moving him by pushing in but he wouldn't budge. She had me flip onto my left side and then my right side and still nothing. Then she told me to empty my bladder and still nothing. He was not budging from his tummy. Kevin said he was already acting like me because I'm impossible to get out of bed in the mornings. Everything looked great - two arms, two legs and a nose. We got to see the heart beating and it was in the 140s. He's actually measuring ahead when they measured - usually in the 21w range. He's 14oz already and in the 75 percentile. Since he didn't want to move we didn't really get good shots of him till later on in the ultrasound.
Here he's got his arms up in front of his face.

And then a sort of profile shot we were able to get (that circle above his tummy is his fist).

Then we got to watch him move his arm up over his head and turn away from the "camera."

The OB appt went well. They have my weight gain as 10lbs which is right on target for the first trimester. All my tests came back okay and no blood drawn at this appt. Oooh, I have to go back in a week for another u/s. Because he wouldn't roll over they didn't get all the measurements of his heart. They said nothing was wrong with the measurements they did get, but they have to have a complete set before they'll sign off on him.

Updating...

Yesterday Les got her teeth cleaned. Apparently her gums were really inflamed. They put dogs under when they're doing deep cleanings. When I got home (Kev and Dave were at agility class) she greeted me at the door but she wasn't her usual jumpy excited self. Her tail was down, her ears were down and she had these big glassy eyes looking up at me. So after I put my stuff down, we had a bit of a cuddle. Which was nice because she isn't usually a cuddly dog. Anyways she was kind of out of it the rest of the evening. Hopefully she'll be more like herself today. They put an IV in her so she has a shaved bald patch on her leg. Her skin is very spotty! Like a dalmation! Who knew she had spots under all that white fur.

Less that a week to go till I see GV! I'm excited but a bit apprehensive. Before our first ultrasound we saw Marl.ey & Me on TV. Yeah, the ultrasound scene really scared the crap out of me...that's what put the whole blighted ovum thought in my head. Then last night we were watching the latest episode of Ugl.y Bet.ty and it was the same thing! While we're watching it, Kevin tells me "Don't pay attention!" because I think he knew just how crazy M&M got me.

Most mornings after we wake up and I take my levothyro.xine, I usually have to pee. Afterwards I get back into bed and Kevin and I lie there listening to the radio station. Sometimes if I'm very still I think I feel GV moving. I'm not sure if it's real or just my stomach rumbling but I'm choosing to believe that it's Garden View.

The 13th

Our appt was first thing in the morning yesterday so Kevin and I drove separately to the office. Dr. P has moved since I last saw her in Aug 2008 so I wasn't quite sure how to get there so we took off a little early. Ended up showing up for an 8:30 appt at 8:04! Eager beavers, I guess. The new office is very nice and spacious. When we got there the first thing I had to do was check in and reconfirm all my information. We had to fill out a questionnaire that included asking what race we were. As I was going down the list for each race there were additional follow up questions about some medical tendency of that race. When I got down to Hispanic there was nothing! Kevin's had a question about Cystic Fibrosis.

We got sent to the u/s suite first. When they showed us to the room the tech told us that we were going to do a vaginal u/s and asked if I had ever had one before. I just smiled and said yes. So then she tells us that she's going to check first and then she'll let us see. And she was forever! I started to get scared. Kevin was sitting right next to me and he kept craning his neck over to see what she was looking at. Finally he turned to me and whispered that he could see the heartbeat. I was so relieved. A little while later she finally turned the screen and showed us GV. She measured from crown to rump (2.68 cm) and then showed us the heartbeat. We then got to hear it! It was the best sound ever! It measured at 171 bpm. She found another good angle of GV and printed us a picture. GV is measuring 9w4d which is 2 days ahead.

After that we went back to the main waiting room. A little while later, we got called into exam room. The nurse came in and asked us a bunch of questions, measured my height, weight and blood pressure. Then she gave us a bag with some books and prenatal vitamin samplers in it.

Next they ushered us into the NP's office. Who happens to be a midwife too. When she came in, she asked us more questions. She then told us about the different testing they can do to screen for Down's, cystic fibrosis and other stuff. We decided to decline the tests. Even if something was wrong, there's nothing that can be done about it so what's the point of stressing ourselves out about it? Kevin is in the camp that less is more and I didn't really care one way or another so it seemed the best choice for us. She reconfirmed that I was sure of my last cycle start date. She asked if I had normal cycles so then I explained all about how I don't ovulate on my own and that we were seeing an RE. She asked if it was Dr. T and I said no way. I told her that I stopped using met before this cycle and did she think that I should go back on because of my risk of GD. She said nope. I told her that I took baby aspirin. I then had to confess that I took it w/o telling Dr. Grrr. Kevin's always been quite hesitant about me taking it so he asked if it was safe for GV. She said I could take it till week 12 but then I should stop.

After all that we went back into the exam room and I had a normal exam. She then told me that they had a stock of H1N.1 flu shots and highly recommended that I get one. I agreed so we waited a little longer for it to show up. After that I got four vials of blood drawn, set my next appt (Dec 8!) and I was done. Took about a hour and a half.

Our next appt is at 13 weeks. They won't do another u/s until 20 weeks, which is next year! Oh, they moved up GV's EDD. Since she measured 2 days ahead and it coincides with my last cycle start date they are saying the 13th. 7 months from today! Wow!

A Garden View Weekend

Friday

Last night I didn't get a restful sleep. I kept waking up flipping between taking the test and not taking the test. I didn't know if I could stand seeing another BFN. Plus Kevin said that AF always arrived either the day I tested or the day I was going to test. But I needed to know, so eventually I decided to test.

Kevin stayed in bed when I got up. The dollar store test comes with a little dropper instead of being able to hold it midstream. I collected, I dropped 4 drops and then I waited. And waited and waited and then magically that beautiful 2nd line suddenly appeared.
I immediately burst into tears while thanking God. Then I was fraught with indecision about how to tell Kevin. I mean he knew what I was doing in the bathroom so it's not like I could have just pretended that I hadn't. So I took the test and walked calmly to his side of the bed. I turned on the lamp and showed it to him. Right after he looked at it, he looked at me and I practically shouted "It's positive!"

That whole morning we were floating around the house. We talked about babies and plans. I tell Kevin that I think I am 15dpo cause I think I ovulated on CD19. While we were in Egypt. He starts calling the baby GV. For Garden View - the hotel we stayed at in Egypt had two options: Pyramid view or Garden view. We were assigned the Garden View.Which as you can see was actually a view of a concrete slab, some gross "ponds", dirt and then a bustling major road. Anyhoo, it was an awesome morning.

I called Dr. Grrr as soon as I got to work and they eventually called me back around 8:30. Since it was Friday they're only open a half day so J2 wanted me to get my Beta/P4 blood draw as soon as possible and they would mark it STAT so that hopefully they'd get the results before they closed at noon. I went to the nearest lab and waited impatiently. Finally around 9am my name was called. I got to sit in the room for another 10 minutes and finally someone came in. But I had forgotten to bring my insurance card and so they didn't know if they could do anything. There was some consulting and finally they said they'd do it. I confirmed J2 had sent the order STAT and then went back to work. At 11:50 J2 called me to say that they still hadn't gotten my results but that she'd leave a note for Dr. G. Hopefully if he came into the office he would check for it and call me with the results.

I never got a call. I figured no news was good news right? If there had been any red flags, he would have called right away, right!?!

Saturday

The morning started like yesterday morning. Me racing into the bathroom to POAS. I told Kevin I needed to check that I was still pregnant. It came up positive again.Yay! I had a tournament this weekend so I had no time to sit around the house today. I was out of the house by 7:30 am and out pretty much all day.

Today are when fears of miscarriage, chemical pregnancies and ectopic pregnancies first appeared. The cramps/twinges/pressure have continued. I'm waivering back and forth on whether this pregnancy is "real". I thought it would be so easy once I saw that BFP. But it's not. I'm still worried and I'm still cautious. How did it work? We've done expensive injectibles, triggers and IUIs and have failed every time. How did Clomid, no trigger and normal se.x work when it didn't work last year. Was it the self-prescribed Baby Aspirin? Then I freak out about that. Should I have told Dr. Grrr about it?

Sunday

Another soccer game to coach. My team hasn't been doing too well. We've not scored a goal all weekend. We are missing our main offensive playmaker so that's most likely it. Not because I've been distracted by all my pregnancy thoughts.

I took another pregnancy test in the morning. Another BFP!Although I freak out about how it's not getting as dark as fast as it did the previous days. I get home around 11 am and I am starving! I'm starving all the time now. Also I've been peeing up a lake. And the boops have gotten tender. I'm not any sleepier than I usually am during a tournament weekend. I research what I can eat on the internet and settle for cheerios for lunch. Yeah, we're not prepared at all.

After my afternoon nap I have to pee again. When I wipe there's slightly pink EWCM on the TP. I freak. I think my heart stopped in my chest. Of course I wipe furiously a couple (or 10) more times with new TP and nothing else comes up. I start checking every half hour and when I'm doing the weekly grocery shopping it stays in the back of my mind. Kevin is up in DC climbing with friends so it's just me and the dogs at home freaking out. Okay, so just me freaking out.

Monday

Finally Monday! I planned to call Dr. Grrr as soon as the office opened at 8:30 but break down and leave a message at 7:59. J2 calls me at 8:33. All excited and congratulating me. I ask for the results and she says "Didn't Dr. Grrr call you?" I tell her no so she looks up the results. Beta was 768 and P4 20.3. She said those were great numbers, kinda high for 15dpo but good nonetheless. I ask if I should get a second beta done and she says that they usually don't do a second one. I tell her about my continued cramping. Then I tell her about the pink EWCM yesterday and she asks if I've had anything else since then. I tell her no. Dr. Grrr isn't in today but he usually calls after getting the beta results so he'll probably call me tomorrow. If he's concerned he'll ask me to come in then. Grrr. Oh and they don't do an u/s until 18 days past a BFP. What!?! That's not till the 27th! I made the appt, but I'm considering calling and asking for the Thursday/Friday before.

According to the "pregnancy starts with AF" theory I'm currently 5 weeks 1 day. I'm 4 weeks 4 days if I go by my CD19 ovulation theory. However since getting the beta results I'm wondering if I'm farther along than I first thought. Could I have possibly ovulated on CD 15/16? I soooooo hate not knowing. Isn't it funny the things that will bug you? I mean, we're only talking about four days, but it's really bugging me.

If I wait till the 27th I'll be 7 weeks 2 days at the u/s. If I can go the Friday before then I'll be 6 weeks 5 days. Either way, we should have a heartbeat and I hope then that I can breathe a little easier if there is one. Please GV have a heartbeat.

1DPIUI

Dr. Grrr didn't show up to my appt till 1pm. Apparently the ER he had before my appt hadn't gone very well. I could tell he was upset because he didn't have the usual edge that he normally does. I forgot to check on Kevin's numbers, but they didn't seem concerned. We even got to see the little swimmers under the microscope.
Before the IUI Dr. Grrr did an u/s and he said that he thinks one of the follicles might have already ovulated. My measurements were 21mm & 18mm on right and 17mm on left. I was a little sad when he said this (I'm not sure why) but then he said maybe not...it was all very weird, especially considering the mood he was in.
Afterwards I went home and read (laying down of course!) my latest book and then prepped dinner. Kevin got home and we cooked. We watched Eag.le E.ye which was a fun movie. Not nearly as scary as Ene.my of the S.tate.
Tonight I'm meeting some friends for a girls game night. It's crazy because the girl who is hosting it (I don't know her) lives on the other side of the creek that runs behind the houses across the street from me. Got that? Anways, her house is like 1300 ft away from my house (see google map picture) but because of that creek, the shortest street distance is 2.5 miles. I could walk to her house but the creek doesn't have a bridge or steady crossing. I'm looking forward to tonight. It will be a nice break I think.

IUI #2

I'm sitting here at work counting down the minutes till I can leave for IUI#2. Kevin's going with me but I'm meeting him there. Then I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off. I was willing to come back this afternoon, but Cupcake told me not to bother. I'll still sign in from home cause I'd feel guilty if anything came up.
Monday's u/s appt was scheduled for 3:30pm. But since my boss was leaving for a week long sales pitch trip he needed tons of collateral and sales material from us marketing people before he left at 2pm. I managed to get it all done (cause I skipped my lunch!) by the time he left and then with finishing up all the other things that needed to be done Monday, I ended up not leaving till 3:30. Luckily Dr. Grrr's office was nice and they saw me as soon as I got in (around 4pm). We did the u/s and they found a 22mm & 16 mm on the right and the 18mm on the left. Now I know the drugs are strong but somehow I don't think that follicles can grow 4mm overnight. It's always fustrating to go to the coverage RE's office because stuff like this always happen - they can't find my ovary, measure wrong, or I end up having to see Dr. Grrr the next day anyways. What's the point? Anyways, Dr. Grrr told me to trigger as late as possible on Monday night and then scheduled the IUI for 12:15 today. Pray that he can stay on schedule. He has an ER this morning so we might have to wait a bit. Hopefully not though.
One thing Dr. Grrr was concerned about was my E2 levels. From what I can find on the internet they should be around 150-200 per mature follicle. I had them checked on Friday and Sunday and they were 229 and 378 respectively. He said they weren't terrible numbers, but a bit low considering I have 3.
My bbt (yes I'm back at it again!) this morning was 97.45° which is a good pre-ovluation reading for me. Hopefully tomorrow it will rise! I wonder if it will be higher than normal because there are 3 follicles? And of course I'm freaking out that I won't have a temp rise. But I've made the decision that I'm going to temp the whole 2ww. I need some kind of hint which way things are going.
In other news, Chicklet will be here in less that a week! She's weighing approx. 7lbs 6 oz already! So they're planning on doing a c-section a week before her due date. I'm sad that I'll be missing it, although not having to be right there might be better for me psychologically. Also it's a bit of a relief that she's coming a week early. Otherwise she would be being born right around 14dpo. If I got a BFN it would be a double blow. I know, it's a bit selfish, but these are the thoughts in my head.

I lied to Dr. Grrr

On Monday when I went to go see Dr. Grrr he asked me to come back on Thursday. I said okay and got a 3:00 appt. Then I got to work and realized what this meant. Come in late Monday, come in late Wednesday (for homestudy), leave early Thursday. So for some reason I thought it would be better if I could spread out the days more and really, how much could change by me coming in for a follie check the next morning instead?
On Tuesday I called R and told her that I had an out of town meeting on Thursday and that I wasn't going to be able to come in. At first she said it should be fine to come in Friday morning, but then suggested I come in Wednesday. I told her that I wouldn't be able to do Wednesday (because I'd be preparing for my OOT meeting) and so I got the first appt on Friday. I felt bad about lying, but what was I suppose to do? Every time I hesitate because of work, they act like I've got my priorities in the wrong order. Having a family is important to me but I need a job to afford these expensive cycles (and expensive kid eventually). Also I haven't told anyone at work what's up (I work with mainly men), they just see me coming in late, taking long lunches and going outside to talk on my cell phone. Nothing to be suspicious about. Right?
And then, at this morning's appt, R tells me that yesterday around 3PM they lost power for the rest of the day! So I would have left work early, arrived right as the power went out, waited around for nothing and then would have come in late today anyways! So see, it all worked out for the best.
So the follie check showed the two on the right measuring 15mm and 13mm. And then he looked on the right and there were only two! One was measuring 14mm and the second was 9mm. So he's not worried about the second one catching up to the other three so I'm all go for an IUI next week. Dr. Grrr said that we'll do another follie check on Sunday morning with a possible trigger Sunday night and IUI on Tuesday. Annoyingly the earliest appt available on Sunday is 9:20 am. This weekend I'm taking a Whitewater Kayaking course which runs 9am-5pm on both days. Hopefully the instructors will work with me on being late on Sunday.

CD8 appt

Today was the u/s appt with Dr. Grrr. I showed up a little early so that I could read my book so of course, I got seen right away. He found 4 small follicles (>4mm) on the left ovary and one 7.7mm on the right and one slightly smaller. I'm not happy with the results. Today is CD8. Last cycle I started HMG one day later, only had 4 doses (2 of those were only 225iu!) and came in one day earlier for an ultrasound and I had a 9mm follicle. This cycle I had 5 full doses (at 300iu) plus Lupron and all I got was four barely there follicles and two slightly larger follicles. Then Dr. Grrr starts talking to me about things I should start thinking about. He tells me that at most his guideline is for no more than twins. So with these 6 follies, he sees two possible scenarios:

1. Two mature and all goes as planned.
2. All six (or more than two mature).

If situ 2 happens, I either

1. do an IUI and selectively reduce to twins after the fact,
2. skip this cycle all together,
3. convert this cycle to IVF.

Hello! WTF! It's CD8! There's hardly anything there! What the heck are you talking about. I tell him that I won't selectively reduce and that Kevin and are uncomfortable with IVF so that if too many mature, we'll sit this cycle out. He then tells me that Kevin and I should come in for an IVF consultation to learn about our options and I again tell him that we're not doing IVF. He just looks at me like I'm being a moron. When I left his office I was so mad. I called Kevin to tell him about it and he was just as indignant.

So I've been reading up on the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops' teachings on "Reproductive Technologies". According to them there are seven "technologies" that are compatible with Catholic teachings. Looking at the list, we're doing okay. Some hiccups, but mainly okay. Then there's the list of what you can't do. The list is long but basically any procedure which adds a "third party" into the act of conception, or which substitute a laboratory procedure for intercourse, are not acceptable.

I was a little dismayed when I read up on this because we had just done our first IUI. The problem wasn't with the IUI itself, it was more the collection method. IUIs of "licitly obtained" (normal intercourse with a special cond.om) are still under discussion so I was considering asking Dr. Grrr about that. But judging from his behavior today I doubt he'd be open to it.

The last option we would have which is under discussion is Gamete intra-fallopian transfer (GIFT). Again, it's been neither approved nor dissapproved and requires a laproscopy, but at least I know I have one more option.

So knowing all this, I still think we're going to do an IUI this cycle. It's like Kevin says - If this is it, let's throw everything at it. I will find out about those con.doms though, but I'm not banking on them being an option. And if Dr. Grrr brings up IVF again, I'll bring up GIFT. Or Low Tubal Ovum Transfer (LTOT). Should be interesting.

Cycle the 8th

**After finishing this post I realized how long it is. I'm sorry! Thank you if you read all the way through. If you don't, I won't be offended.

Okay I've mentioned several times that I have always felt a calling to adopt. Before thoughts of TTC, before Kevin, heck before I grew up, I always wanted to adopt. I don't know if I innately knew that I would have trouble TTC or if God gave me a nudge to help me cope with IF, but it's always been the plan. Kevin not so much. Not that he was against adoption but he always thought of it as something you did if you couldn't have kids. So back in Jan/Feb when we went to the JFS adoption workshop and had our first appt with Dr. G, we agreed to give Dr. G a few months/cycles and if nothing happened, go ahead and start the adoption process. So in a way I've been looking forward to this cycle, if only because it means that we can move forward with adoption if it fails. That's sounds horrible doesn't it? It's just hard to give up your dreams or keep having to put them off. And for me the dream was having kids, not getting pregnant.

CD4 - Monday

I return to RIC and in my email inbox is my receipt for the HMG & HCG. $600!!! Oh. My. Goodness. That's a lot of dough. That's 3 return flights down to Florida to visit my parents. Just shy of a return flight to England. It's almost 6 months of agility lessons. For both dogs. It's a lot of money just so that I can might possibly get pregnant. And that's if it works this time. I've ovulated 4 times this year and still I'm not pregnant. I'm more than ever convinced of my calling to adopt. I feel like I'm wasting my time and money with the RE, this is not going to work. So when I get home and talk about it to Kevin, I tell him that I'm done. I'm so over these endless trips to the RE, my obsession with CM, CDs & BBT, the mounting bills, and mostly my body stubbornly refusing to produce better results with more powerful medicine. I tell him that this is the last medicated/assisted cycle. I know he's not ready for adoption, but I'll wait and when he is ready, we'll start the adoption process. He says okay and then proceeds to give me my first shot of HMG.

CD5, CD6 & CD7

Nothing major TTC-wise happened on these days. Got the shots like normal, nothing disturbing. Non-TTC wise I got in a car accident on Wednesday (CD6). Everyone was fine, no injuries. It involved one slow moving car backing out of a parking space (me) and another car cruising for a parking spot and stopping right behind said backwards-moving car. I totally didn't see the other car until I felt the crunch of the cars colliding. In moving forward back into my space, my back bumper was ripped off. I dropped off my car at the body shop on Thursday and since then, we've been a one-car family again. Except it's more annoying this time around.

CD8

My big appointment. It was scheduled for 8:30am. We were going to be able to see what twice the dosage had done for me. I show up at Dr. G's office and R greets me with a "What are you doing here?" Apparently Dr. G went on vacation early. And somehow mixed up what Friday my appt was so then the staff couldn't call me to reschedule or send me to the coverage RE's office. So after some phone calls & checking charts, it was decided that I should go see the standin RE. Whose office doesn't open till 9am and is across the river. J gets me an appt at 9:40am and I head across town. I got to see a new RE for my u/s. He found a 6mm and 9mm follicle on my left ovary and couldn't see anything on the right. I was kinda upset at this because last cycle lefty showed up early and then fizzled out. Plus nothing on the right! Anyways, he bumped me back up to 300ius HMG for the next three injections and made an appt for me on Monday. This left me in a bit of a predicament. I only had 6 vials (75iu) at home. So I call J to find out what to do and she says that she has some she can lend me but that I'll need to pick them up by noon. No problem! Today is Kevin's work from home day so he can just swing by around noon to pick them up. I call Kevin. He reminds me that I have the only car. Ugg! So I call J back even more panicked. I tell her there's no way I can travel back to their office to pick up the meds (I'm already an hour late to when I said I'd be at work) and that Kevin doesn't have a car. She suggests that she leave them in a bag with my name on it and taped to the door. I can pick them up when I get out of work (again an hour later than normal because the appt took so long). I see no other option so I agree. Hopefully nobody will swipe my meds. Then about 2pm Kevin callls. He had ridden his bike down to the office (6 miles each way) and picked up the meds so they were now safely at home. Crisis averted.

CD9 & CD10

HMG injections continue. They're getting more painful and I'm now bleeding a bit. My mail-order Rx finally come in.

CD11

This u/s (at coverage RE's office cause Dr. G is still on vacation) is scheduled for 12:20pm but the RE is late so I end up not seeing him till 12:40. He sees a 10mm and 13mm follicle on left but can't find the right. After several minutes he gives up. He has me stay on 300ius and says that he thinks that if I do an IUI, it will probably be at the weekend. However he's concerned that he can't find my right ovary so he wants me to go see Dr. G the next day (when he's back). After a whole afternoon of back and forth with J about the necessity of me coming in on Tuesday vs. Wednesday/Thursday I finally cave and agree to come in on Tuesday. I just thought it was silly because really, how much could it grow in 1-2 days if there wasn't anything there on Friday. But whatever.

CD12

I show up to Dr. G's office armed with my HMG (to replenish the office meds). When Dr. G figures out that I just saw the RE the previous day, he asks "What are you doing here today then?". Grrr. So u/s again and lefty has a 15mm follicle and righty (after a bit of looking!) has a 9mm follicle. 300ius for the next two days and I should come back on Thursday. I know they're trying to stay on top of this follicle situation, but seriously, I. have. work! That evening when I'm about 5 minutes away from home (and 30 minutes away from work) I realize I've left my HMG in my desk drawer. I rush back to work and then home, arriving an hour and fifteen minutes past my normal time for my injection. I end up missing the BSC baby shower for one of the ladies. Worst of all I subject my BSC & CISG buddy, S, to being there alone because I have no way of getting ahold of her to tell her I'm missing the class. Here I was looking forward to her being there with me because we could deal together and I abandon her. Luckily she forgave me when she found out what happened.

CD13

HMG still painful and bleeding. What the heck is Kevin doing?

CD14

My appt was at 11:30 originally but J called and asked me to come in 15 minutes early. I show up by 11:20 and there are two people in the waiting rooms as well as the exam rooms full. Seems Dr. Grrr (his new nickname!) is running late and has an office full of patients. At noon (when I told work I'd be back) I'm finally shown to an exam room and it takes another 10 minutes before Dr. Grrr shows up. Lefty is sporting an 18mm! Dr. Grrr says I'm ready and that I can trigger that night and have an IUI on Saturday. He comments again how I only produced 1 follicle even though we doubled the meds. According to him I should have follicles everywhere! Hello what about the fact that I have a 18mm follicle on CD14 when that usually doesn't happen till CD20 or so? Anyways, I'm a bit nervous about triggering 2 days before the IUI so I wait until right before midnight to get the HCG.

CD15

No more regular injections! Plus it's Friday! Plus I didn't ovulate (for once a good thing)!

CD16

Kevin goes in for his pre-appt at 8am and then comes home. We watch a bit of TV and then head to coverage RE's office (the same one I saw on Monday) for our noon apppt. IUI was painless, but uncomfortable. About 20 minutes after the procedure we were sent home. The RE said I could go back to normal activity. Pssshaw! I took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day and took the rest of the day way easy.

CD17, CD18, & CD19

BBTs are up which means I ovulated on Saturday. Awesome!

CD20

Today. I'm also 4DPIUI and 4DPO. Kevin keeps saying that DPIUI stands for dots per inch-user interface. Oh that funny guy! Tomorrow is the HCG booster (5000ius) to help my LP. As of right now it's the last shot ever.

Early Week Update

Monday I went back into Dr. G's office. I was kind of apprehensive about going in because all weekend I'd been having ovary pains. But on the right side where the wimpy follicle was not on the left side where the two super follicles were. At the u/s we looked at the left side first and Dr. G was not impressed. The follicles had barely grown and in fact more follicles were getting bigger but the two big ones from Friday had pretty much stayed the same size. Then he looked on the right side and that 7mm follicle had jumped to be 12mm! Great growth, but still on the small side considering I was on CD14. Course of action: up my daily injection from 150iu to 225iu and come back on Wednesday for another u/s. Dude! I have a job! I can't keep taking time off to come in for an u/s! But whatever, of course I'm going in today.
So baby news: Last wednesday #25 had their baby. A little boy. They came home on Saturday and put a big stork in their yard. I've already talked to them and mentioned I would like to cook them a meal so I'm waiting for them to tell me when is a good night. Tuesday my co-worker's wife was induced. They're having a little girl. I haven't heard the details yet, but I'm sure pictures of her/them will be posted on the board in the break room (this is what happened last year when two other co-worker's wives had their kiddos).
This spring, the BSC I go to has been working through Beth Moore's Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life. I've been having issues with this study for various reasons but this past week was Week 6 which I had a problem with nearly every day. First off, in the second day in she makes a sweeping declaration that "practically every little girl has at least four dreams: 1) to be a bride, 2) to be beautiful, 3) to be fruitful (which we usually define as having children), and 4) to live happily ever after." As someone who didn't grow up wanting to be a bride or have my own kids, it really rubbed me the wrong way. And yes, I know she said "practically" but it didn't read that way when I first came across it. I know I've changed my mind and I did do the first and am trying to do the third, but it just bothered me. Anyways, I was really interested in what the day that covered topic three was going to be like and it was a mixed bag. There were some great parts, "Infertility offers fertile soil for shame." and accordingly "Remember, shame is Sa.tan's game." Which confirmed decisions I had made for myself about dealing with this whole struggle. But the rest of the daily just seemed dismissive, that while we might not be able to have physical children, we'll be blessed with spiritual children (based on Isaiah 54:1-3). Children who are not our own but who we've been able to help guide and shape spiritually. I've coached, I've taught, mentored and just befriended lot of kids who still keep in touch now that they've become teenagers and young adults. And you know what? It's not the same. Maybe it's just little of me and maybe I'm not opening myself up to what God might have intended for me but I in no way believe that I'm going to be fine with that if Kevin and I go through life being a family of two.

Three more days

My appt was in the morning yesterday. Kevin went with me since it was his work-from-home day. Did I mention that he now gets to work from home one day a week? So unfair. Anyways Dr. G had no problems finding my right ovary. I has one 7mm follicle but he didn't seem too excited about it. Then he found the left and there were two follicles. One was 10mm and the other was 9mm. He seemed to like those better. He then announced that I would need to continue the HMG injections till Monday when I'm suppose to come back in. Frick! I thought I was done.
While we were doing the u/s, they were asking Kev how he was doing with giving the injections. Then Dr. G told us a story about a husband that once threw one at his wife like a dart. Dr. G was laughing so hard he could barely tell the story. It was cute.

Menses Test

I called Dr. G yesterday to let them know that I was on CD1. They made an appointment for me to come in for a Menses Test. My first though was "Don't you think I know what AF looks like?" It ocurred to me later that it was probably an u/s. And I was right. Everything looks good on both ovaries, although he had trouble finding the right one again. My HMG & HCG still haven't come in yet, so they "lent" me some that I can replenish when my stuff comes in. Of course the HMG has to be given in the behind by Kevin with the big a$$ needle (1 1/2 inches!). I'm suppose to start Sunday and continue till Thursday and then go back in for an u/s on Friday.
I had to remind Dr. G again that he agreed to do an HSG this cycle. I had to remind them yesterday too. Considering that I had to convince them to do it, I'm getting annoyed that they keep forgetting about it. Of course, I know that I have to remember that while I might know my case and history by heart, I can't expect them to know my case the same way. Anyways it's on Monday. I very clearly asked them if I needed to take anything beforehand and they said no! J. said "It will be over in 15 minutes, you should be find afterwards." ooooookay.

Cycle the 6th

Okay, so now were on 3/25, Wednesday. This is CD 24 for me. Now that everyone is gone, I can concentrate back on my cycle. My temps have been crazy with some spikes, but never consisitent. I thought I might have ovulated when everyone was here because my temps shot up, but then on Monday & Tuesday they went back down. When Dr. G called with Kevin's results(on CD14) he told me that if I hadn't had a good pattern on my bbt chart by CD25 that I should call him back and let him know. So even though Wednesday was only CD24, it's the 25th and I'm sure I understood him to say to call on the 25th. *wink* I called and they asked me to come in on Thursday.

Thursday I took a long lunch to go to my appt. Thankfully Dr. G's office was very flexible with me on the time of my appt. I got to meet the new nursing assistant(?) R. They did an u/s and found a 12cm follicle on the left ovary. Yay! This is the first time anything has been found on my left ovary. Dr. G couldn't find anything on my right, not even my ovary. He ended up having to do it through my abdomen and sheesh, that hurts! He eventually found it and nothing was there. So he talked to me about injectibles. He said I've already done 5-6 months of Clomid and the Femara (which was a high dose apparently) obviously did nothing for me, so he thinks that this is what I need next. He then looked at my charts (which I decided to bring at the last minute) and said that actually, I might have ovulated on CD11. This was a surprise because I had discounted those high temps because it was so early in my cycle. Counting back, that meant that I was on CD14, so he decided to do progesterone b/w. He asked R. if she wanted to do the blood draw but the way he asked her was like totally in a want-to-do-this-blood-draw-cause-you-don't-really-know-how? kind of tone which took me aback alittle. See I'm all for being a human guinea pig. I'm not particularily squeemish, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain and I realize that everyone has got to start somewhere. But when your doctor is watching and telling the person that is taking your blood that she is doing it all wrong and mentioning rolling veins, then I get a little concerned. He then grabbed another needle/vial and showed her how she should have done it using my left arm as a guide (R. did the blood draw out of my right arm). He didn't actually pierce my skin with the needle, but he got awfully close and while I was prepared to get stabbed once, I wasn't prepared to have it done twice in a row. Anyways, depending on the results of the b/w I was either to start provera (he gave me a Rx before I left) or wait for AF to arrive on her own.

Friday while I was in my lunch meeting R. called me. She left a message and said that she had the results of my b/w and could I call her back? She then said that the office was closing early so I would need to call back in the next 10 minutes. I got the message two hours after she left it at 2:00pm. I was so annoyed! Even if she can't tell me the results the least she could have done was tell me if I needed to fill the Rx or not. Now I would have to wait till Monday to even do anything! Arg.

FF is wrong!

Whew! Yesterday was a busy day. First was the RE appt.
Dr. G is definitely what you would call a character. He was much more animated than Dr. T and also more thorough. He asked us all sorts of questions about our family histories and about what course of treatment I had been on before. It felt like what an RE appt should feel like. He was excited to learn that I've been doing bbt for the past four months and even wanted to see the charts. Of course I didn't actually bring them with me. I printed out all my charts when I went to go see Dr. T the first time and even updated my file on subsequent visits but Dr. T hardly even glanced at them during the first appt and then never even asked me to see them after that. I didn't bring them with me this time so of course Dr. G wanted to see them! Then he decided to show us a video of past surgeries he's done to show us various problems. While he was pointing stuff out, he suddenly looked at Kevin and asked him if the room was getting hot. I looked at Kevin and he was loosening his collar and rolling up his sleeves. Dr. T told him he could lie down on the floor if he needed to and Kevin actually did it! The video was making him queasy! I didn't believe it at first but then I looked at his face and could see it. This is the man who can watch countless scary movies with guts, blood and gore. He can play tons of assassin type video games but he couldn't watch a video of an abnormal uterus/fallopian tubes/ovaries! I so wanted to laugh but I held it in.
Next came the exam. Which was a novelty because Dr. T never even did one. And he didn't have my records from my regular OB/GYN because they didn't fax them in time. So WTF? I was telling Dr. G that because of my temp rises, FF thought I ovulated on Friday. He said he didn't think so because I still had really good CM. Next we did an u/s and Bam! Sitting right there on the right ovary was a big a$$ follicle waiting to pop! He found a few cysts on the left ovary but he didn't seem to be too concerned about them. He told me to take a OPK test yesterday, but with everything going on, I forgot. Then this morning when I put in my new temp, FF took away my ovulation.
Afterwards we came up with a plan of attack. Since he thinks I'm going to ovulate soon, he wants to try to get this cycle in. We're going to do a PCT today and if I need a trigger then I'll get that. Also he wants me to try to lose 40 lbs and go on Metformin. He mentioned doing another round of Clomid or possibly Femara. I'm feeling really positive now about the whole RE situation. I'm so glad I switched.
I found a bigger lasagna pan at the store so Kevin and I tried to figure out how to transfer the lasagna without destroying it. We couldn't do it so we just dropped the smaller overflowing pan into the bigger pan. When I arrived at the family's house, I got out of my car, walked over to the passenger side and the door was locked. I fished in my pockets for my keys and they weren't there! I looked inside the car and there are my keys sitting in my purse. Arg! I've only ever locked my keys in the car twice and one of those times wasn't my fault! So I had to go up to the house and call Kevin to come open the doors. Luckily he took a half day like me so he was available but I was so mad at myself. After about 25 minutes he arrived and we were able to rescue the items. I was so embarrassed. Hopefully the next family will go smoother.
We also had agility last night and I think Les might advance out of the class before Dave does. Even though Dave has been doing this longer, Les has an edge on her. Because she learned everything in the school, she knows certain basics like nose touches, focus forwards, driving the line, etc. So all we have to teach her is the weaves. Dave is having to learn how to do the weaves despite not knowing how to do those other things (and sometimes getting a crash course so that she can learn those things) so it's a bit harder for her. Also there's a five year age gap between the two which I'm sure factors into it. I'm hoping Dave will catch up soon. I like agility being a whole family affair.

The Case of the Missing Pills

Today is CD6 for me. I should have started Clomid last night, but it seems I've misplaced my Clomid. Last night poor Kevin had to unpack all the bags himself looking for my Rx and all he found was my empty Provera bottle. So I'm not sure where it went — I'm dreading that Mum might find it — but it meant that I wasn't able to start Clomid on time. This morning I had to call Dr. T's office and explain what happened. They gave me another Rx and now I'm suppose to be taking the pills from CD6-CD10 and having a u/s & hcg trigger on CD17.
On another note, the chills I had yesterday have morphed into a sore throat and pressure headache today. I think I'm coming down with something.

Progress

The u/s didn't last that long. Afterwards, Dr. T told me that it doesn't look I ovulated. No sh!t Sherlock! Also, he said that since my lining isn't that thick he doesn't think AF is going to visit on her own. After talking a little bit about injectibles (yikes!) we decided that I'm going to stay on Clomid, but at 150mg for round 4. Also HCG trigger shot on CD16 again. He said that because of my lining thickness and that there weren't any follicles/cysts in the ovaries, I could start the next round of Clomid now. However Kev and I are going to back to his for the holidays so that would mean I would be 3000 miles away on CD16. So Dr. T wants me to go ahead and do Provera and then Clomid. So based on this schedule the next time I POAS should be at the end of January.

When I got home, I had a packet from Dr. G's office. In it was:
1. A letter from Ms. J (who's the office manager).
2. A registration form.
3. Directions to the office
4. Male Patient History Form (3 pages!)
5. Female Patient History Form (again 3 pages!)
6. A brochure about Dr. G/Center where he mentions his & his wife's own struggle with infertility.
I'm sooooo excited about working with this doctor. I'm going to take some of your suggestions and call the office to see if I can be put on a cancelled appt list.

Kev and I have come up with a plan for what's next. I'll post more about it later.

Guess where I'm at?!?

I'm sitting in the waiting room of Dr. T's office. Long winded story of how I got here but it starts with a phone call (eventually)...

So I didn't get any call from Dr. T or his nurse yesterday. After thinking about what I should do, talking to Kev, and processing all your comments (thanks everyone!) I decided to go ahead and call Dr. P and ask them to take care of me till I could see Dr. G. So this morning I called Dr. P's nurse, left a message and asked them to call me back. Then I got down to the business of working.

Finally around 11 am I couldn't stand it anymore and called Dr. T's office again. I just had to know why they were treating me like this. The front desk lady actually answered and I explained my situation to her. She then put me on hold and a couple of minutes later Dr. T came on the phone. I told him everything that had happened (IF wise, I didn't feel like getting into the whole calls-not-being-returned at that point) and he asked me a some questions. After shuffling some papers for a few minutes he finally decided that I should come in so that he could do an u/s and see what was going on.

As soon as I hung up with Dr. T, I had a message from Nurse B at Dr. P's office. When I called back I learned that Dr. P isn't in today but I explained what was going on and Nurse B said she's going to talk to her tomorrow and then give me a call back. After today's appt with Dr. T, I'll figure out what to do about Dr. P.

Looking at my options

This morning at about 8:45 am I called Nurse K again. I also looked at my health insurance's website to see if there are any other REs in my area that are in my plan. There are 4 others. One is Dr. T's partner and although I've heard good things about him, he's the one who gave me the HCG shot even though he told me he didn't like what he saw in the u/s. So really there are only three. At this point I've decided that if I don't get a call back today I'm going to go with another RE. I've never had that good gut instinct about this guy and something about him just doesn't mesh. I've been reading more and more about women who just click with their REs. They really feel like their RE is in their corner and fighting for them. I kinda want that.

Update: At 10:45 am I finally got a call from Nurse K. She called to say that she'd put my file on Dr. T's desk and that as soon as he decided what I should do next, he or she would call me back. Hello! I called yesterday and you just put my file on his desk? Seriously? So now I'm waiting for another call. I'm still keeping my deadline of hearing back from them by EOD. This call here doesn't count.

Saturday from TBWE

Finally this week is coming to a close! Today's activity was going to Dr. T to get my CD16 U/S and possible HCG shot. It wasn't Dr. T that did my ultrasound, but the other doctor. That was a bit surprising! Also sometimes I feel like the staff gets into such a routine that they automatically assume that you know what you're doing. Guess what? I don't! I'm not sure if I'm suppose to pee in a cup or not! But anyways, the other Dr didn't seem too impressed with what he saw on the U/S but said I should get the shot anyway. So now we wait for FF to tell me I've ovulated and we wait the 2WW.

Oooh, tonight at the usual time, I took my OPK and it was positive! I'm not sure if it's a side effect of the HCG because of the hormones injected into my body or if it was because the shot did something to me that caused my hormones to cause it to be positive. Yeah, I'm slightly confused too.

I've uploaded my pictures of the OPKs (including today's positive!); I think I'm going to keep taking them even though you're suppose to stop once you get a positive.

Totally unrelated: Kevin and I spent this afternoon raking up all the leaves in the front and back yards and we now have 42 bags of leaves sitting in front of our house! That's right, 42! Sheesh! Plus we still have 2/3 of the back yard to do! Sheesh!