TGIF...Wait! Already?!?

I cannot believe it's Friday already. Yesterday when Cupcake reminded me it was Thursday I was shocked. But it's Friday. It's also CD4.
Tuesday after lunch I found out that Cycle #9 was a bust. I was upset, cried a few tears in the bathrooom, but then got back to work. The hardest part was going to agility after work because I knew, but Kevin didn't. I was more upset about having to tell Kevin that it didn't work than I was about it actually not working. He was so vocal and optimistic this cycle. When I did tell him once we got home he admitted to me that he was hoping for a BFP for his birthday. It broke my heart.
We have decided to take a break from TTC. We might start again in October, but for now, we're going to focus on adoption. Our homestudy appt on Wednesday went well. My individual interview went really long because our SW realized that morning that she hadn't gotten my autobiography. So it ended up being about an hour long. The couples interview was next and it was pretty short so I got out of there around 10am. Kevin's individual interview was about 20 minutes. The SW said that all our paperwork and clearances are in and everything cleared. So now we're waiting on our reference letters to come in. My friends tend to be procrastinators (like me) so I sent them all a text message reminding them that we had our appt and that the letters would be the last thing. I'll email them next week again. I don't want to be THAT friend that nags you when she's asked you for a favor but seriously, it's all our approval is contingent on. Get it in people!
About an hour after I found out about the failure of cycle #9, that lawyer I mentioned before called me. About a week after getting in touch with him, I called him again and told him that we were probably going to go with someone local but that we would keep him in mind in case we changed our mind. Well Tuesday he called to say that he's got a couple of birthmothers that he's getting ready to match up and wanted to give us a chance to be considered. Of course to be considered we'd have to pay him a retainer ($6,000) and that doesn't even guarantee that we'd get picked. It seems a bit much to me but our SW told us that's the norm when dealing with adoption attorneys. Kevin is still hesitant to use him because of what we learned on the internet about him (not good stuff). But then my Tia's co-worker swears by him and even went back a second time because she was so happy with the first. I'm going to try to call her again this weekend. Last time I never actually got a hold of her.
J's special mass is this weekend so it's off to exciting, exotic Trenton. But I'm really looking forward to seeing my cousin T. About a year or so ago, she had brain surgery to remove a tumor. J shaved his head bald when she did to show his support of her. RR told me that she's doing a lot better but I'm glad to be able to see her.

And now for a pick me up. Kevin was working from home on Wednesday and so he got to observe Dave & Les doing what they do when we're not there.

12DPIUI

Kevin and I had a good weekend. I convinced him on Saturday to go clothes shopping for him. And a few items for me. I used the excuse of getting him clothes for his birthday as well as clothes for the cruise to get him to go. I use to hate shopping with him. We'd make a list of all the stores we would need to go to and then we'd get to the first store and he'd complain that he had a headache and was tired and wanted to go home. Yes, this is my husband, not my three year old child. It got to the point that other than the grocery store and S.am's Cl.ub, I refused to go anywhere with him. But he's gotten a better attitude and I've gotten better at stragegically planning the trips. Like I always end the trip with a visit to K.ohl's which is Kevin's favorite department store. He'll go in there and come out with at least 3 or 4 shirts for work. Even if he doesn't NEED any new ones. Strangely, they are a weakness for him.

So I shaped up pretty good at taking my bbts this cycle. I got in IUI day, 1DPIUI, 2DPIUI, 5DPIUI, 7DPIUI, 8DPIUI, 10DPIUI, 11DPIUI and today. IUI, 1DPIUI, & 2DPIUI were normal, with normal ovulation shifting temps, but then on 5DPIUI there was a huge jump and I started to get excited. These temps were the highest of any temps I've ever gotten since I started charting last October. So last night I was looking at the pattern rather than the temps and there's not a second shift. I doubt implantation would have occured before 5DPO so I would have needed to see a second shift sometime between 5DP0 and 10DPO and there hasn't been. And then this morning my bbt plummeted. 97.93°. Still above the coverline, but I think it's on it's way down. AF will probably arrive on Wednesday or Thursday. Or maybe even tomorrow as I'm starting to feel AF/uterus pains. But I'm hoping Thursday because then that will mean another normal LP.

The other thing I've been thinking about is the twinges I've been having in the left ovary area. I looked back at the blog and realized that around 9-10DPO last cycle I was having the same thing and if I had to describe it the best description is that twinge you get before you're about to ovulate and your follies are growing. Last cycle I just dismissed it but then this cycle ended up being delayed because I had a 15mm follicle on the left side at my menses test. And this cycle I've had the same twinges around 9-10DPO so I'm thinking if we did a menses check we're prolly going to find another largish follicle.
Now I'm about 95% sure this cycle didn't work. It was the best shot we've had since we started this whole TTC thing. I've been a little emotional about it but mostly calm. I decided not to say anything to Kevin until AF shows up. Usually in the mornings he'll ask me about my temp but this morning he didn't. Maybe he can tell.

Tagged again.

A gave me the Honest Scrap award recently and I'm just now getting to doing my part.

Here are the Honest Scrap stipulations:

1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find interesting and engaging *I'm gonna do 8 so that I fulfill my duties from the 8x8 award earlier with this one
2. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog and leave a comment informing them that they have won the "Honest Scrap Award" or "8x8 Award"
3. List at least 10 honest things about yourself

Here are my 10 honest things:

1. I'm a tech junkie - if it's new and improved and a gadget, I probably own it.
2. I'm not a big fan of chocolate, especially plain chocolate. However we have to keep a huge stash of it around because Kevin is a chocoholic!
3. I was a biology & chemistry double major when I started college but after two years (and only being a year away from graduation) I changed my major to Graphic Design.
4. If I had stayed in college one more semester I would have come out with three minors - Biology, Chemistry & English.
5. Kevin and I still refer to the dogs as yours and mine. If I say "Your dog is under the bed," he knows I'm talking about Les. If I say "My dog needs a good brushing," I'm talking about Dave.
6. Until Kevin and I got married we didn't have pet names for eachother. We never called eachother Honey, Sweetie, Darling or anything else. Now we often refer to eachother as Husband and Wife. For instance if I need something I'll say "Husband, can I have a glass of orange juice please?"
7. I call Chicken "Chicken" IRL. When I introduce her to anyone I have to force myself to call her by her real name.
8. My sister and I are power houses at any board game we play together. Pictionary, Cranium, etc. If it's a team board game and we're on the same team we always win.
9. I suck at Scrabble and my husband and in-laws love playing it. They have score sheets from years and years ago in the box and can recall any game they've played just by looking at the score sheet.
10. I know how to code HTML by hand. I was taught that way and I really struggle using WYSIWYG editors. I've had dozens of website over the years that I've designed and coded and when I had my own business, that was the bulk of the work I would do.

And for 7(8) blogs I nominate: *you can choose whether to do this one or the 8x8 one from before.

1. Lucy
2. Amanda
3. Hilary
4. Becky
5. Jess
6. Andrea
7. Beth
8. A

If you're interested here's a past "10 things" that I've done.

kroh-shey blang-kit

Chicklet got to go home today. Chicken was kind of relieved, only because she thinks this means that she'll get more than two hours sleep at a time. Between Chicklet, the doctors, the techs drawing blood, the nurses, visitors and phone calls she wasn't able to sleep very well. I don't think it's going to be much different at home (except the doctors, nurses and techs part), but we'll see how that goes. Chicklet is the first grandchild on both sides and both grandmas live pretty close, so maybe that will help?

Anyways, I wanted to show you all Chicklet's blanket. I ended up getting it done by my second deadline (mostly cause of my layover during my June trip down there) so Chicken had it in plenty of time.

This is the blanket with all 80 squares but pre-border. I did about 9 rows of treble cluster crochets all around.

I forgot to take a picture of the finished blanket but luckily Chicken posted photos of the nursery on her blog and a couple of shots had the blanket in it.

When I go down in September, I'll try to get a photo of Chicklet in it or if Chicken sends me a photo I'll post it.

6DPUIU

Chicklet was born this morning! I got a text message from Peeta that she came out weighing 9lbs 10 oz and 20 1/4 inches long! Holy crapola, that's a big baby!

My cousin J is taking his first set of vows next weekend in Trenton, NJ. Since we live relatively close to him (the rest of our family lives in Texas), we decided to head up there for the big event. J told me his parents and two of his sisters (he's got 4) are coming. It will be good to see them all. Mostly. I don't really get on with Uncle D. I might have mentioned I was a bit of a trouble maker when I was little and somehow I always dragged RR, J's oldest sister, along with me. But I'm sure it will be fine.

Round 9 v2.0 is going well. I've been having weird pains and stuff in that lower area. Mostly on the left side, but some on the right. I'm not sure what it is. Last night Kevin gave me the HCG booster shot. It was the worst shot he's ever given me! Oh! The pain! I also haven't taken a good bbt since the morning after ovulation (thurs). Friday morning I was moving around a lot and then remembered to bbt. By that time I was way up. Sat and Sun I didn't bother. Monday morning I slept in a hour past my normal temping time so it was high again. Then I took it downstairs to record them on FF and forgot to bring it back up for this morning. Kevin offered to go get it, but I just told him not to bother. I'm going to try to get in a bbt tomorrow.

I've got to go to the dentist tomorrow to get some fillings redone. I'm tempted to reschedule. With the way irregular schedule I had last week, plus knowing that next wednesday I'm going to be late because of the homestudy, I think I should hold off on any non-necessary appointments.

Okay SPOILERS here if you haven't seen HP6 (or read HP7). Highlight from here down to the next paragraph if you've seen HP6 and want to read my take.
Overall I thought the movie was good. The kids are better actors, most of the over-acting is done by insignificant side characters (*cough*LavenderBrown*cough*) and they've gotten better at cutting out the things that don't really need to be in the movies. There were just two things I didn't like. First that Ginny was the one who hid the potions book. In the book, Harry hides it, intending to retrieve it once the heat is off and so marks the spot with a bust, wig & tiara (which we learn in HP7 is a diadem). He recalls seeing the tiara in HP7 and so knows where to get it from once he realizes what it is. If he didn't hide the potions book in the this movie, how's he suppose to remember about it in HP7? The other problem I had was that there was no Hogwarts fight scene at the end. My dad saw the movie this past weekend and as he's never read the book, he thought this one was a boring. He said it needed a fight scene. I agree. Get rid of the unneeded attack on the Burrow (Hello! Where's the escape from Privit Drive/Wedding going to take place then?) and the anachronistic bridge collapse and put in the Hogwarts skirmish. Then it would have been much better. But other than that, I didn't really mind any of the other changes and thought the movie did a good job of carrying itself, both as the 6th movie in a series and standing alone.

Sunday we celebrated the 3 year anniversary in our house! These past three years have been filled! We got engaged, got married, found ourselves battling IF. I lost a grandfather and Kevin lost both his grandparents. We hosted the inlaws with no major catastrophes. We're still trying to tame the front garden and haven't gotten grass to grow in the back yard. Oh yeah, it was filled. We went to Red L.obster to celebrate. We have friends who make fun of us, claiming that RL is not real seafood, but I remember when I was little we only ever went there for special occaisions. My birthday or Dad's. And so now, when I think of special occaisions, I always think Red Lo.bster. I always get a half order of crab legs and Kevin always gets the Alfredo Linguini with Chicken. If you can't tell, we're creatures of habit.

8x8

I was tagged a while ago but I'm usually bad at these things and then I was tagged again the other day so I figured I should do this one first. This one is called 8x8.


The Rules:
Mentioned who tagged you: Lucy
Complete the list of 8’s
Tag 8 people

8 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:

1. Getting a BFP
2. Finishing our Adoption Homestudy
3. Start coaching again in the fall
4. Going on our honeymoon(ish) cruise!
5. Having a kid(s)
6. Visiting my parents in September
7. Seeing Chicklet (and Chicken) in September
8. Standing with Chicken at her wedding in June 2010.

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY

1. Went to a game night where I hardly knew anyone
2. Went to work
3. Posted on my blog
4. Went to agility with Dave & Les (and Kevin)
5. Had a really good agility class with Dave
6. Started my 2ww
7. Called R for the third time to get my follie measurements cause I kept losing them
8. Realized I needed to have sent out my passport renewal like last week and it's still sitting on the nightstand.

8 THINGS I WISH I COULD DO

1. Have a kid
2. Work from home
3. Play soccer better
4. Reach 12,000 steps in one day
5. Buy CS4 for home
6. Have a kid already
7. Make this IUI work
8. Be done with the 2ww (but only if IUI was successful)

8 SHOWS I WATCH

1. Lost
2. How I Met Your Mother
3. Medium
4. United States of Tara
5. True Blood
6. Survivor
7. Amazing Race
8. Real World/Road Rules Challenges

8 FAVORITE FRUITS

1. clementines
2. strawberries
3. green grapes
4. cherries
5. Bananas
6. pomegranite
7. pineapple
8. tamarindo

8 PLACES I’D LIKE TO TRAVEL

1. Italy
2. Greece
3. Egypt
4. Galapagos Islands
5. Japan
6. Australia
7. Vermont in winter
8. Trenton, NJ - to watch my cousin take the first of his priestly vows.

8 PLACES I’VE LIVED

1. L,Tx
2. EP,Tx
3. T,Fl
4. R,Fl
5. C,UK
6. S,Fl
7. D,Oh
8. R,Va

8 FOLKS I’M TAGGING
No one only because I'm doing this so late, but if you want to do it, then I'm tagging you.

Tomorrow I'll do the next one.

1DPIUI

Dr. Grrr didn't show up to my appt till 1pm. Apparently the ER he had before my appt hadn't gone very well. I could tell he was upset because he didn't have the usual edge that he normally does. I forgot to check on Kevin's numbers, but they didn't seem concerned. We even got to see the little swimmers under the microscope.
Before the IUI Dr. Grrr did an u/s and he said that he thinks one of the follicles might have already ovulated. My measurements were 21mm & 18mm on right and 17mm on left. I was a little sad when he said this (I'm not sure why) but then he said maybe not...it was all very weird, especially considering the mood he was in.
Afterwards I went home and read (laying down of course!) my latest book and then prepped dinner. Kevin got home and we cooked. We watched Eag.le E.ye which was a fun movie. Not nearly as scary as Ene.my of the S.tate.
Tonight I'm meeting some friends for a girls game night. It's crazy because the girl who is hosting it (I don't know her) lives on the other side of the creek that runs behind the houses across the street from me. Got that? Anways, her house is like 1300 ft away from my house (see google map picture) but because of that creek, the shortest street distance is 2.5 miles. I could walk to her house but the creek doesn't have a bridge or steady crossing. I'm looking forward to tonight. It will be a nice break I think.

IUI #2

I'm sitting here at work counting down the minutes till I can leave for IUI#2. Kevin's going with me but I'm meeting him there. Then I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off. I was willing to come back this afternoon, but Cupcake told me not to bother. I'll still sign in from home cause I'd feel guilty if anything came up.
Monday's u/s appt was scheduled for 3:30pm. But since my boss was leaving for a week long sales pitch trip he needed tons of collateral and sales material from us marketing people before he left at 2pm. I managed to get it all done (cause I skipped my lunch!) by the time he left and then with finishing up all the other things that needed to be done Monday, I ended up not leaving till 3:30. Luckily Dr. Grrr's office was nice and they saw me as soon as I got in (around 4pm). We did the u/s and they found a 22mm & 16 mm on the right and the 18mm on the left. Now I know the drugs are strong but somehow I don't think that follicles can grow 4mm overnight. It's always fustrating to go to the coverage RE's office because stuff like this always happen - they can't find my ovary, measure wrong, or I end up having to see Dr. Grrr the next day anyways. What's the point? Anyways, Dr. Grrr told me to trigger as late as possible on Monday night and then scheduled the IUI for 12:15 today. Pray that he can stay on schedule. He has an ER this morning so we might have to wait a bit. Hopefully not though.
One thing Dr. Grrr was concerned about was my E2 levels. From what I can find on the internet they should be around 150-200 per mature follicle. I had them checked on Friday and Sunday and they were 229 and 378 respectively. He said they weren't terrible numbers, but a bit low considering I have 3.
My bbt (yes I'm back at it again!) this morning was 97.45° which is a good pre-ovluation reading for me. Hopefully tomorrow it will rise! I wonder if it will be higher than normal because there are 3 follicles? And of course I'm freaking out that I won't have a temp rise. But I've made the decision that I'm going to temp the whole 2ww. I need some kind of hint which way things are going.
In other news, Chicklet will be here in less that a week! She's weighing approx. 7lbs 6 oz already! So they're planning on doing a c-section a week before her due date. I'm sad that I'll be missing it, although not having to be right there might be better for me psychologically. Also it's a bit of a relief that she's coming a week early. Otherwise she would be being born right around 14dpo. If I got a BFN it would be a double blow. I know, it's a bit selfish, but these are the thoughts in my head.

Sunday Morning

So this morning was planned down to a T. We woke at 6am and got ready. Then Kevin drove me to the hospital (for the E2 blood draw) and we were there by 7:20. I was the first one in and done quickly so that we were out the door by 7:35. There were already two other couples when I got out! We drove south of town near where the coverage RE's office is. However since we had an hour & 20 minute wait between we decided to go to IH.OP. It's one of Kevin & my's favorite breakfast venues. We stalled as much as possible but eventually we just made our way over to the RE's office. We got there around 8:40 and there were 2 ladies ahead of us. The RE was there but his nurse wasn't. She showed up about 10 to 9 and all three of us went into rooms. I was hoping that the other two would go quickly and that maybe I could make it to the river by 9:30 but of course that didn't happen. So I waited and waited and eventually around 9:30 they came in. Two follies on right, measuring 18mm and 15mm. Not much growth, grrr! And one on the left measuring 15mm. Sigh. The RE told me that he was going to call Dr. Grrr with his findings and that Dr. Grrr would give me a call to let me know what to do.

I started panicking at this point because I thought I was going to be triggering today! I was all out of HMG but I hadn't bothered to say anything to Dr. Grrr because he said we were going to trigger. So Kevin said he'd take my phone and when Dr. Grrr called, if he wanted me to do another night of HMG he would tell them I was out and arrange to pick up extra.

We left the RE's office around 9:40 and made it to the river by 10am and I just caught the rest of the class as they were preparing to go in the water. So all was good.

The class was awesome! If anyone lives in the RVA area, this is deffo a must do! At least once. Kevin and I are planning on going back for some play days if they can find room for us. And we're going to take an advanced kayaking course this winter. I'll write more about it later though.

Kevin and the dogs picked me up after the class and he told me that Dr. Grrr had called and wanted me to do another night of HMG. So he had to pick up the extra. He also said that Dr. Grr wanted to see me tomorrow. This was annoying as I have a busy day at work planned for tomorrow. Kevin was able to get me a later appt though so I should be able to get away. Hopefully.

I lied to Dr. Grrr

On Monday when I went to go see Dr. Grrr he asked me to come back on Thursday. I said okay and got a 3:00 appt. Then I got to work and realized what this meant. Come in late Monday, come in late Wednesday (for homestudy), leave early Thursday. So for some reason I thought it would be better if I could spread out the days more and really, how much could change by me coming in for a follie check the next morning instead?
On Tuesday I called R and told her that I had an out of town meeting on Thursday and that I wasn't going to be able to come in. At first she said it should be fine to come in Friday morning, but then suggested I come in Wednesday. I told her that I wouldn't be able to do Wednesday (because I'd be preparing for my OOT meeting) and so I got the first appt on Friday. I felt bad about lying, but what was I suppose to do? Every time I hesitate because of work, they act like I've got my priorities in the wrong order. Having a family is important to me but I need a job to afford these expensive cycles (and expensive kid eventually). Also I haven't told anyone at work what's up (I work with mainly men), they just see me coming in late, taking long lunches and going outside to talk on my cell phone. Nothing to be suspicious about. Right?
And then, at this morning's appt, R tells me that yesterday around 3PM they lost power for the rest of the day! So I would have left work early, arrived right as the power went out, waited around for nothing and then would have come in late today anyways! So see, it all worked out for the best.
So the follie check showed the two on the right measuring 15mm and 13mm. And then he looked on the right and there were only two! One was measuring 14mm and the second was 9mm. So he's not worried about the second one catching up to the other three so I'm all go for an IUI next week. Dr. Grrr said that we'll do another follie check on Sunday morning with a possible trigger Sunday night and IUI on Tuesday. Annoyingly the earliest appt available on Sunday is 9:20 am. This weekend I'm taking a Whitewater Kayaking course which runs 9am-5pm on both days. Hopefully the instructors will work with me on being late on Sunday.

Homestudy Home Visit

This morning I woke up with a definite list of things to do in my head. Nothing major, most of the cleaning had happened the night before. Mainly cleaning after the dogs - vacuuming their hair up, wet swiffering their drool spots off the floor/window ledge, removing nose marks from the windows. Stuff I didn't want to do till I kicked the dogs out this morning. Dave was a little annoyed with me, but she use to be an all-the-time outside dog so I don't think she's allowed to complain.
The SW got there right on time. The first thing we did was tour the house and she asked a couple of questions about the house(sq. footage, lot size, location of fire extinguishers). Some questions on locations of fire stations/hospitals. We talked about the neighborhood - our block parties, kids in the neighborhood, etc. Then she asked us a few questions about us - most of this stuff were things we put in the autobiographies/application. She told us that our clearances from Florida and Ohio had arrived, she was just waiting on the fingerprint reports. She's sending out the references today, so hopefully those we've chosen will send them back soon. After asking if we had any questions (no) we set the date/time for our last homestudy appt. This part will be the personal interviews (individual & together). We went with the last Wednesday in July. It just happened to fall on Kevin's birthday, but I didn't even realize till afterwards. He didn't say anything about it so I'm assuming he doesn't mind.
Tonight we're going to a Son.ic You.th concert in town. Kevin told me about this concert like four months ago. We haven't gotten tickets yet because he refuses to use Ticket Bastard(his nickname for TM) so hopefully we'll be able to get in.

CD8 appt

Today was the u/s appt with Dr. Grrr. I showed up a little early so that I could read my book so of course, I got seen right away. He found 4 small follicles (>4mm) on the left ovary and one 7.7mm on the right and one slightly smaller. I'm not happy with the results. Today is CD8. Last cycle I started HMG one day later, only had 4 doses (2 of those were only 225iu!) and came in one day earlier for an ultrasound and I had a 9mm follicle. This cycle I had 5 full doses (at 300iu) plus Lupron and all I got was four barely there follicles and two slightly larger follicles. Then Dr. Grrr starts talking to me about things I should start thinking about. He tells me that at most his guideline is for no more than twins. So with these 6 follies, he sees two possible scenarios:

1. Two mature and all goes as planned.
2. All six (or more than two mature).

If situ 2 happens, I either

1. do an IUI and selectively reduce to twins after the fact,
2. skip this cycle all together,
3. convert this cycle to IVF.

Hello! WTF! It's CD8! There's hardly anything there! What the heck are you talking about. I tell him that I won't selectively reduce and that Kevin and are uncomfortable with IVF so that if too many mature, we'll sit this cycle out. He then tells me that Kevin and I should come in for an IVF consultation to learn about our options and I again tell him that we're not doing IVF. He just looks at me like I'm being a moron. When I left his office I was so mad. I called Kevin to tell him about it and he was just as indignant.

So I've been reading up on the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops' teachings on "Reproductive Technologies". According to them there are seven "technologies" that are compatible with Catholic teachings. Looking at the list, we're doing okay. Some hiccups, but mainly okay. Then there's the list of what you can't do. The list is long but basically any procedure which adds a "third party" into the act of conception, or which substitute a laboratory procedure for intercourse, are not acceptable.

I was a little dismayed when I read up on this because we had just done our first IUI. The problem wasn't with the IUI itself, it was more the collection method. IUIs of "licitly obtained" (normal intercourse with a special cond.om) are still under discussion so I was considering asking Dr. Grrr about that. But judging from his behavior today I doubt he'd be open to it.

The last option we would have which is under discussion is Gamete intra-fallopian transfer (GIFT). Again, it's been neither approved nor dissapproved and requires a laproscopy, but at least I know I have one more option.

So knowing all this, I still think we're going to do an IUI this cycle. It's like Kevin says - If this is it, let's throw everything at it. I will find out about those con.doms though, but I'm not banking on them being an option. And if Dr. Grrr brings up IVF again, I'll bring up GIFT. Or Low Tubal Ovum Transfer (LTOT). Should be interesting.

Not-busy 4th

Another 4th of July at home. Sometimes Kevin and I can be really boring. We talk the big talk but we don't actually walk the big walk (actually walking out of the house!). We are such homebodies sometimes and I know we've got to break out of it.

The weekend started good. We went back to Colonial Williamsburg on Friday for their goings-on. It was interesting, the highlights being the reading of the Declaration of Independence and the Fifes & Drums playing. We got back around 7pm and even though we had planned on going climbing, by the time we unloaded and ate, we were both so tired that neither one of us put up a protest when it was suggested that we skip climbing.

Saturday we didn't do much. We worked with Les and Dave on agility stuff. Last Monday, Les was promoted to Level 7. Woo Hoo! She's entering the serious dog levels. A few weeks ago I had a talk with Kevin about his plans for Les. I told him that if he didn't want to compete with Les we were good. However if he did, then he needed to step up his game. Currently the dogs go to class twice a week, one of those times without me so Kevin has to split his time between the two. But outside of class we don't practice with the dogs (we've got jumps and weave poles in our backyard). So he started leaving Dave behind on the night I couldn't go. With Les moving up to Level 7, we talked again about the fact that if he wants to compete then he and Les need to practice every day and that he needs to get more consistent with her training and discipline. Also, he needs to train her to master new "tricks" to keep her brain engaged. So now she's got to "work" for every meal outside with Kevin. I get to watch through the bathroom window (I don't want to be outside since I could be a distraction) and just from his work over the weekend I can already see her being more intuned to his body movements (the type of agility training we do directs the dogs by your body language rather than actually yelling commands at them). Also now that Les has moved up, he can take Dave to the Level 6 class which is right after Les' Level 7 class.

We also watched the Women's Wimbledon final. I love watching matches between those sisters. I'm always reminded of me and Wiki when I see sisters who have a really strong bond but also can just as competitive with each other as they are with everyone else and at the end of the day still be good (and even compete with each other for the doubles championship).

We were going to go watch the fireworks in town, but it would have taken forever to get to, forever to find a parking space, and forever to get out of because of all the traffic. So we skipped it. Then in the Sunday morning paper learned that a park near us had a fireworks show. Bummer! We would have gone to that one!

Sunday we watched the Wimbledon final. It was great! I really wanted And.y Rodd.ick to win and felt so bad when it didn't happen. Four hours though! Whew!

A Homestudy Process

Last you heard, Kevin and I were preparing to go to our a meeting with a social worker (SW) at JFS. They had sent us the application packet prior to our meeting so at the meeting if we knew that this was the next step for us we could get started right away. Well the meeting went really well and the so we did it! Back in January we decided to go with JFS mainly for the reason that they didn't require a 3 year marriage prior to application. If so, Kevin and I would have to wait till September 2010. Anyways, in talking to the SW I just felt more and more comfortable with this agency.
That night we had to turn in quite a few things:

1. The JFS application
2. A copy of our birth certificates
3. A copy of our passports
4. A copy of our driver's license
5. A copy of our marriage certificate
6. A personal finance form
7. A copy of last year's 1040 and a few bank statements supporting the information provided in the personal finance form
8. A copy of our health and dental insurance cards
9. Names and addresses of 5 references (they couldn't be related to us and must have known us for at least 4 years)
10. Autobiographies and a self-questionnaire (this was really interesting to read since we wrote them separately)
11. A photograph of us
12. Verification of Employment (a copy of our current paychecks)
13. Sworn Disclosure
14. Corporal Punishment Policy Agreement
15. Information Release Form
16. Signed Fee Agreement Form (this is agreeing that we are going to pay)
17. Signed Fee Statement (this was a schedule of their fees that we agreed to)

Over the weekend we went to Pa.tientFi.rst to get our Medical History Forms filled out and our Virginia Child Abuse Check Forms notarized. Then during the week we had to go to the police station to get our Fingerprint Cards (Criminal Record Check) done.

We started working on a lot of these forms before we went to the meeting on the 17th. Everything else we we turned in before our appt with Dr. Grrr on the 24th. We made an appointment for our home visit on the 8th of July.

The cost for the homestudy is $1800. This seemed to be consistent with what others I've heard of have paid. They split it up into thirds that are due at the first meeting, the home visit and the last meeting. Additional costs that we've had - $20 co-pay for the Pati.entFirs.t visit for me (Kevin doesn't have a co-pay with his insurance plan), $10 Child Abuse Check Fee, $20 to get fingerprinted, $100 Fingerprint Processing (by the FB.I) fee.

I liked JFS because they are a smaller agency that tries to empower you through the whole adoption process. One of the things that struck me about both CHSVA and CCC was that after your homestudy was done, you were expected to sit and wait in a pool of all these other potential adopters, hoping that when a birth mother came in she would pick you. JFS advocates expanding your network. Make a "Dear Birthmother" packet and send it to everyone you know, parents, cousins, friends, priests, other agencies (if allowed), & ob/gyn offices. Don't be afraid to cross state lines. They talked about adoption attorneys and online placement services. They said if you knew how to do a website to put one up. For me, this just seemed infinitely better than the process at other agencies. The other two never even talked about what you could do!

So now we're waiting and cleaning! Only a week to go and I'm sure Kevin will come up with a list of things that need to be done.

CD1 - take two

So I'm not sure if I should still consider this Cycle #9 since AF is visiting again. Because of the cyst found a few Mondays ago (the 8th, CD2) I've been taking BCPs since that Wednesday (CD4). On the 24th, I went back to Dr. Grrr's office and got the all clear. I started the Lupron that night but didn't stop the BCPs till Saturday(CD21). Today is now CD 1 again. Lupron continues for another 4 days and HMG starts on Wednesday. My next appt is on Monday (the 6th, CD8). We'll then know if this Lupron/HMG trick is going to work.

I'm not really optimistic that these meds or this cycle are going to work. I've trying to stay positive because I firmly believe in mind over matter and I want to give Kevin his fair shot. I asked him what he wanted for his bday (a month from today!) the other day and he said a baby. I was kind of shocked by his answer, but over the past three weeks he's been displaying more and more signs that he wants to keep going, keep TTC. At $600-800 per cycle, I just feel the money would be better spent on the homestudy or an adoption attorney. It would be one thing if Dr. Grrr knew what was wrong with me, but if the best they can do is unexplained, what's the point?

Obsessions and Olympics

So I have a new obsession. Last Sunday when I was at the airport I visited the bookstore. This is one of my all time favorite shopping experiences and most times I can find 2-3 books that I want to read, usually succumbing to purchasing one of them, much to Kevin's ire. Anyways, last Sunday I was at the bookstore and I saw a novel that looked interesting. I took a picture of it since I'm on a new library push and when I got home I ordered it from the library. And then I found out that it's a whole series with 9 books and 5 short stories in anthologies. Well of course I want to all the read the books in order. And I don't even know if I like the books yet! Anyways, while I doing my "research" on the series, I found out it's become an cable series as well. So I check our onDemand and sure enough the whole first series was available because the second season premiere was Sunday. So I watched all twelve episodes between Friday and Sunday. This with being out of the house most of the day on Saturday. It's bad.
Saturday we spent all day at the Special Olympics. It was the state-wide competition. Kevin's company volunteers every year. It's a lot of fun and a lot of his everyday coworkers are there because the guy that organizes it is one of the IT guys. Last year when we showed up for our afternoon shift, we got to watch a few races but then the weather got so hot (over 110° F) that the medical staff couldn't keep up with all the people coming in. So they canceled the afternoon. This year Kevin signed us up for the all day shift that meant we had to be there by 6:30 am! (Grrr!) But once we got there it was awesome. We helped out with the track and field registration. Kevin and I were "runners", shuttling the actual runners between the registration desk and their waiting area. The last events were relay races and we got to go on the field and observe the baton exchanges. Some of these kids are fast! Some of the parents & coaches were saying that this year was one of the smoothest races they've ever been too. Races ran on time and we were actually done by 2pm! Usually the event organizers tell parents to be prepared to be around till 5:30pm.
Once, while I was walking back to the registration desk after having taken a runner to their tent, I saw Kevin walking with a little girl, no more than 7 or 8. As they passed me I turned to look at them. She was small, with curly hair in a ponytail and holding onto Kevin's hand tightly. It made me a little sad to see that, wondering how long it would be till it was our own child holding on to Kevin's hand. I smiled and as I turned back, one of Kevin's co-workers who was watching them told me "I'm not sure who's leading who, but my money is on her."
Tomorrow we have our initial meeting with JFS. We haven't committed yet to doing the home study, but they've sent us the application/packet just in case. We're going to bring it with us and have everything just in case we decide to go for it. The SW said they could count our meeting as the first interview of the home study if we decide to do it.

the talk

So I managed to get Kevin at a good time and I asked him what he thought our next step should be. Of course he tried to defer to me and my feelings and wishes, but I stood my ground. I told him that irregardless of me, in his heart, what did he want to do. After a while he finally admitted to me that he wants to keep trying as long as we have options. Dr. Grrr seems to think we'll be more successful if we can produce more follicles(2-3) each cycle. If it works, Kevin wants to try it out for a few months. So I called Dr. Grrr and told him to call in the order for the BCP, Lupron & HMG. We are in for another round.
On Tuesday I got a call from my Tia D in San Diego. I get occasional texts/emails from her about myGramma, cousins or uncle, but she doesn't usually call. So when I answered, she told me that she had just sent me an important email. I check my email and she had forwarded me an email from a coworker of hers about an adoption attorney in PA that she used to adopt two babies (single adoptions about a year apart). The last adoption took place in February and they had just hired him in October. Four months! Wow! So I gave him a call and we talked for a while about what services he offers, agency vs. private adoption, costs and procedures. He sound very positive and relayed the fact that he and his wife had adopted both his sons. He emailed me a few documents including a legal agreement. I then called my Tia's coworker but had to leave a voicemail. She hasn't called me back yet, so I'll try again tonight.
I had to bring it up with Kevin because with him wanting to do another round, I didn't know what this did to the adoption plans. But when I brought it up, Kevin agreed that we could start the home study at least (it's valid in VA for 3 years) and then once we know what this cycle is going to do, become more aggressive in pursuing adoption. I told him that I wanted to adopt even if we could have kids on our own, so that we don't have to stop TTC if we did adopt. He was reluctant but agreed that it might be the way we have to build our family.
So today is day two of our break. My next appt with Dr. Grrr is on the 24th. What the heck am I going to write about until then?

Body Says: It's Time for a Break!

It seems that AF found me after all. Sunday morning there she was, ready to greet me as I greeted the new day. It's official now, I had an 14 day LP. Go me. I was actually alright with it and went about the morning activities like normal. Then at breakfast myMom asked me about it. Last year when I started going to the doc more often, I told her about my having PCOS and that if I wanted to get pregnant that we would have to get it under control. We talked about it a bit and since then she's asked a few times if the medicine was working yet. Well Sunday morning when she asked me, I just burst into tears and told them everything, the medication, injections, and results. The fact that we were now pursuing adoption. They were upset, but I'm sure more concerned about me. I didn't really mean to tell them like that or right then, but when they asked it just all sort of came out. As I was leaving for the airport, myMom gave me a nice long bear hug and myDad reminded me that none of this is my fault and that I shouldn't blame myself.
Yesterday I had an appt with Dr. Grrr. Even though I was done, I wanted to go in and see about medications (BCP/Provera) I should take just to keep me regular. He wanted to do an u/s though and when we did, we found a 15mm cyst on the left ovary. So even if I wanted to keep going, I have to take a break. After the u/s we had a meeting in his office. He told me that he has no idea what's up with me. He doesn't think I have PCOS. He thinks the GYN just told me that because I'm overweight and I have irregular periods. But from what he's seen, he's pretty sure I don't. He said that for a 31 year old, taking as much of the HMG that I'm taking for as long as I take it, I should be producing lots and lots of follicles. In normal patients when this happens it's usually some form of poor ovarian reserve, premature ovarian failure or early onset menopause. However my FSH levels are normal, not even slightly disturbing. Right before ovulation, my E2 levels are within normal range as well. So he's stumped. He now wants to give me Lupron. Lupron - as in what they give to IVF candidates. Lupron combined with HMG or FSH. He said I had time to decide (because of the cyst).
When I got home, I told Kevin what happened and what Dr. Grrr said. I mentioned that we would have to take a break no matter what. And then he looked slightly crest fallen. Which surprises me as I thought he was onboard with the adoption track. Guess I'm going to have a talk with him. Which is annoying only because Kevin's stock answer to any life questions like this usually is "whatever you want" (or some variation). It's like pulling teeth to get him to admit what he actually wants.

I did it

Tidbits before I leave:

• I made it to 13DPO. Two weeks ago I was skeptical that this was going to happen. But I made it. This has be the longest, most normal LP I've had. I know with all the other stuff I've been writing about, it may seem that I'm not excited about this LP, but I am! This is another step in the right direction.
• I went ahead and POAS'd today. It was a BFN. I thought about it a lot yesterday and decided I wanted to do it. Regardless of the results, I wanted to be able to find out with Kevin around and I wanted to find out before my trip. I feel more at peace now that I know. It just felt like this great weight lifted off of me. After we knew the results, Kevin decided that I tested too early and that I should have waited till Monday like he said. What the heck! He never said that! Anyways, today involves fewer trips to check if AF has arrived or not, which is a relief.
• I have this program on my iphone that allows you to have multiple tickers up and counting. Here's what my screen looks like:
  
  I'm constantly checking in only to see that lovely 13. Yes, if you could scroll down you'd see all sorts of countdowns and countups. I'm obsessed.
• Usually as soon as I find out about a pregnancy, I immediately post congrats on my blog because that's one more point for us vs. Infertility. However two pregnancies happened recently that I chose not to mention because both ladies involved were themselves hesitant about celebrating these pregnancies. So I waited. But now they both seem convinced (kinda) so to Amanda at TTC: Impatient with PCOS and Mary at A Hopeful Unicorn a big congrats from me!
• I got offered a soccer coaching gig at a big club in RVA. This club is the rival to the club I coached at for the first two years I lived here, but I'm not that worried. I'll write a post about how this came about soon but for now, yay me!
• And last but not least. Thank you all! You've been a great and loving community during this time for me. Reading your comments has been awesome and really helped. Sometimes something would happen that would make me doubt myself/this cycle/TTC and then I'd get the perfect comment that would bolster me through. Thanks!

Going for a record!

Last night when I got home I was in a weird mood. All day I had been having twinges and even though I'd been to the bathroom numerous times, there was still nothing. Kevin and I talked a bit and one of my last statements was "We should go out for dinner." He vetoed that idea, so we went downstairs and started cooking Rach-aroni-Paella (minus the shrimp cause Kevin doesn't like them). We had just started simmering the rice when all of a sudden the power went out. It flickered back on for a few seconds and then went out again. This was about 7. Outside it had been lightning and thundering, but now the wind was howling and raining and there was even hail! We waited for the power to come back on and nothing. Finally around 8 we gave up and ordered pizza. Thirty-five minutes later we had our pizza. Right as we were sitting down to eat, the power came back on. We just smiled at each other and dug in.

So it seems that I've made it to 12DPO. I'm a little nervous and a little excited. Yesterday's bad habit of going to the bathroom every hour to check has continued. So far so good. I want to be optimistic, but not over do it. Almost like if I wish too much for it, there's no way it will actually happen. Twinges continue today. Kevin talked about testing tomorrow, but I don't know. We have one test left that I could use, so we could. It's just whether I can put myself through that.

LP craziness

Two days past my average LP. I'm happy about that, but I'm still in a funk. Not helping is that the A/C at work is on the fritz. Usually our office is cold - like wearing pants and having a sweater/sweatshirt on hand even during the summer type of cold. The past two days it's been okay, not cold, but not hot either and today it has been warm! Not as warm as outside but hot enough. I don't like the heat. I know, having grown up in the deserts of west Texas and then in the tropic of Florida for 15 years, you think I would be better acclimated for dealing with the heat. And I am. When I'm in those places. But here in RVA, I like the cool-partly-cloudy-low-80s weather. So when I don't get that, I'm not a happy camper.
Yesterday I had a dentist appt. First one in 6 years! The last job I had with insurance ended in 2003, so right before my insurance ran out I went to the dentist. Well then I was self-employed and so didn't have insurance. Thank God nothing catastrophic happened during that time and I remained healthy. In 2007 I finally got insurance again, but since it had been so long, I kept putting off going back to the dentist. And finally earlier this year I forced myself to call a dentist near work for an appointment. It took 3 months to get in, but now it's over and done with and besides replacing a few fillings, I'm free till December. At the end of the appt when I was making the next appts, I thought to myself "By the time I come back for these, I'll know if I'm pregnant or not." Then I made myself stop. I can't let myself start doing things like that.
I'm getting super excited for my trip this weekend. I'm going to get to spend the whole weekend with Chicken and myParents! I fly down Friday night and Chicken is picking me up from the airport. Then Saturday is mani/pedi, shopping & a graduation party. Sunday I fly back to RVA. It's a flying visit for sure, but I'm glad I'm able to go.
This morning on the drive to work I started having these twinges. Not that bad, just sharp pains on the right side. I ovulated on the left side, so I'm not sure what it is. However, I usually only get these pains right around ovulation/right before AF arrives. Other symptoms include tender boops. This threw me off last time as I thought for sure it was a good sign. I had them until about 2 days into the new cycle. Then it stopped for 2 weeks. And reappeared around 1DPO. So I'm not so sure anymore.
Here is my thought: I'm not pregnant. Along with the twinges have been other signs that AF is going to arrive at the end of this week. If this is true, I'd rather she show up tomorrow. Cupcake (my co-worker) is taking me to work on Friday so Kevin and I are going to be rushing around at the last minute and I won't have time for a breakdown. Yes I know, I've said we're moving on to adoption, but still, this will be it for TTC. I'll be sad. And I don't want it to be while I'm down in Florida because I don't want to have to make that phone call to Kevin. And if I last till Monday, I'll be so upset, because that would have been 16DPO. So I'll make you a deal God, Thursday or preggo, okay? Ha!
Part of me wishes that this week would just be over. I want to know how it turns out. But then there's a larger part of me that likes living with this small nugget of optimism that maybe this cycle worked. It's the part of me that won't let me test early. Won't let me take my temp. Won't let me do anything that could possibly tell me that this cycle didn't work. I wish I was brave enough to POAS, just so I could know. Last summer I saw so many BFNs that I just don't think I could handle this last one. So I'll remain a coward and just wait for AF.

9DPO

Most times I know I'm not normal. But I'm wondering if I really am when it comes to the 2ww. I'm currently 9DPIUI. And 9DPO. I'm not really sure which one I should be following, but for the sake of this post I'm going to go with DPO since that's what I have the most experience with.
Right after ovulation I'm usually in full panic mode. The stress of temping for three days, praying that my temps will go up. Trying to control my sleep conditions so that my temps are more accurate. Wondering if we timed it right. Then the panic on the third day when my temps go down (usually happens, but didn't this cycle). All sorts of fears live in my brain, usually along the I-didn't-actually-ovulate thread.
Once I've confirmed that ovulation has in fact occurred I'm at my happiest. I feel like this is it. This is the cycle that is going to go right. I produced an egg, I ovulated. Yes, I did it with drugs, but maybe someday I'll be able to do it without. We did the deed when we were suppose to. This time it worked! This euphoric feeling usually lasts about 3-4 days.
And then 8DPO rolls around and I start to get nervous. 9DPO is my average LP. I start looking for signs. In everything I do. Brushing my teeth, standing up quickly, random twinges, everything odd is a sign that this cycle didn't work yet again.
But I'm here again. And tomorrow is 10DPO. If I can make it to Friday it will be a record. Heck, if I make it to Saturday, I don't know what I'm going to do. Added to that I'm traveling down to Florida again this weekend. Which adds to the whole "test/don't test" dilemma added in with a "when to test?" Yeah, I don't like the end of the 2ww. Am I alone here?

My baby is 9!

I'll try to make this fast as I only have 20 minutes left of my lunch break.

Two and a half weeks ago, on May 12th, we celebrated Dave's 9th b-day! Usually Kevin and I split celebration/gift duties, I get stuff for Les and he does the same for Dave. However, I think Dave got the shorter end of the stick because usually Kevin doesn't do much, if he remembers. Anyways, this year I wasn't able to do anything "just-in-case" because I had been in Florida the weekend prior and I was at work/BSC the day of. But when I got home from BSC, there was a surprise for Dave and me.
While I was out Kevin got Dave a cake from 3 Dog Bakery!! He remembered and drove across town while I was at my BSC to pick it up. Below is Dave's 9th birthday photo with her cake. All I can say is all those agility and obedience lessons paid off! Only once did it look like she was going to break her "wait" and try to gobble down her whole cake.
Finally she gets to have her cake!
Of course she shared with Les (maybe not willingly).
Finishing up! All in all, I think a nice birthday treat!

Technically 1 Year

A year ago today Kevin and I finally agreed to start TTC. Before our wedding, I tried to convince him that we should start trying right away (my kids and marriage rule) but he said he wanted time to adjust to being married. I was confused by his hesitation as we had already been living together for a year. More if you count that I was always over at his apartment when we lived in Ohio even though I technically lived with my Tia and Uncle. But I agreed. Then in March, I realized that if I got pregnant right away (ha!) that I would be due around Christmas 2008. Five days before that would be Mum's 60th birthday and also 2008 was a England Christmas year. So I pushed it back two months to May. Well May finally arrived and Kevin was still hesitant to start TTC. We talked about it a few times. My main argument was our advancing years and that I wanted at least 3 kids. My plan was that I would have kid #1 by 31, kid #2 by 34 and kid #3 by 36. I wanted to keep the babies on this side of my 30s rather the late 30s. Kevin's main argument was that I should lose weight before getting pregnant. He had all sorts of articles and research on the health of babies born to mothers who were overweight/obese. So for most of May we disagreed.

Then for Memorial Day we went to visit my parents. While there we had a big cook out with a bunch of my high school/college friends. One of the couples had two kids, about 4 and 5. I think watching those kids interact with me, my parents, and their parents is what made Kevin change his mind. Suddenly he was all for starting right away. Finally!

And now it's a year later and we are still TTC. Of course between January and August, I'd only had 1 visit from AF that Provera had brought on. I probably never ovulated during those months, so can I say it's been a year if getting KU wasn't even a possibility?

In August, it'll be one year since I took my first Clomid pill to help TTC, so maybe that will be when I feel it's really official.

Cycle the 8th

**After finishing this post I realized how long it is. I'm sorry! Thank you if you read all the way through. If you don't, I won't be offended.

Okay I've mentioned several times that I have always felt a calling to adopt. Before thoughts of TTC, before Kevin, heck before I grew up, I always wanted to adopt. I don't know if I innately knew that I would have trouble TTC or if God gave me a nudge to help me cope with IF, but it's always been the plan. Kevin not so much. Not that he was against adoption but he always thought of it as something you did if you couldn't have kids. So back in Jan/Feb when we went to the JFS adoption workshop and had our first appt with Dr. G, we agreed to give Dr. G a few months/cycles and if nothing happened, go ahead and start the adoption process. So in a way I've been looking forward to this cycle, if only because it means that we can move forward with adoption if it fails. That's sounds horrible doesn't it? It's just hard to give up your dreams or keep having to put them off. And for me the dream was having kids, not getting pregnant.

CD4 - Monday

I return to RIC and in my email inbox is my receipt for the HMG & HCG. $600!!! Oh. My. Goodness. That's a lot of dough. That's 3 return flights down to Florida to visit my parents. Just shy of a return flight to England. It's almost 6 months of agility lessons. For both dogs. It's a lot of money just so that I can might possibly get pregnant. And that's if it works this time. I've ovulated 4 times this year and still I'm not pregnant. I'm more than ever convinced of my calling to adopt. I feel like I'm wasting my time and money with the RE, this is not going to work. So when I get home and talk about it to Kevin, I tell him that I'm done. I'm so over these endless trips to the RE, my obsession with CM, CDs & BBT, the mounting bills, and mostly my body stubbornly refusing to produce better results with more powerful medicine. I tell him that this is the last medicated/assisted cycle. I know he's not ready for adoption, but I'll wait and when he is ready, we'll start the adoption process. He says okay and then proceeds to give me my first shot of HMG.

CD5, CD6 & CD7

Nothing major TTC-wise happened on these days. Got the shots like normal, nothing disturbing. Non-TTC wise I got in a car accident on Wednesday (CD6). Everyone was fine, no injuries. It involved one slow moving car backing out of a parking space (me) and another car cruising for a parking spot and stopping right behind said backwards-moving car. I totally didn't see the other car until I felt the crunch of the cars colliding. In moving forward back into my space, my back bumper was ripped off. I dropped off my car at the body shop on Thursday and since then, we've been a one-car family again. Except it's more annoying this time around.

CD8

My big appointment. It was scheduled for 8:30am. We were going to be able to see what twice the dosage had done for me. I show up at Dr. G's office and R greets me with a "What are you doing here?" Apparently Dr. G went on vacation early. And somehow mixed up what Friday my appt was so then the staff couldn't call me to reschedule or send me to the coverage RE's office. So after some phone calls & checking charts, it was decided that I should go see the standin RE. Whose office doesn't open till 9am and is across the river. J gets me an appt at 9:40am and I head across town. I got to see a new RE for my u/s. He found a 6mm and 9mm follicle on my left ovary and couldn't see anything on the right. I was kinda upset at this because last cycle lefty showed up early and then fizzled out. Plus nothing on the right! Anyways, he bumped me back up to 300ius HMG for the next three injections and made an appt for me on Monday. This left me in a bit of a predicament. I only had 6 vials (75iu) at home. So I call J to find out what to do and she says that she has some she can lend me but that I'll need to pick them up by noon. No problem! Today is Kevin's work from home day so he can just swing by around noon to pick them up. I call Kevin. He reminds me that I have the only car. Ugg! So I call J back even more panicked. I tell her there's no way I can travel back to their office to pick up the meds (I'm already an hour late to when I said I'd be at work) and that Kevin doesn't have a car. She suggests that she leave them in a bag with my name on it and taped to the door. I can pick them up when I get out of work (again an hour later than normal because the appt took so long). I see no other option so I agree. Hopefully nobody will swipe my meds. Then about 2pm Kevin callls. He had ridden his bike down to the office (6 miles each way) and picked up the meds so they were now safely at home. Crisis averted.

CD9 & CD10

HMG injections continue. They're getting more painful and I'm now bleeding a bit. My mail-order Rx finally come in.

CD11

This u/s (at coverage RE's office cause Dr. G is still on vacation) is scheduled for 12:20pm but the RE is late so I end up not seeing him till 12:40. He sees a 10mm and 13mm follicle on left but can't find the right. After several minutes he gives up. He has me stay on 300ius and says that he thinks that if I do an IUI, it will probably be at the weekend. However he's concerned that he can't find my right ovary so he wants me to go see Dr. G the next day (when he's back). After a whole afternoon of back and forth with J about the necessity of me coming in on Tuesday vs. Wednesday/Thursday I finally cave and agree to come in on Tuesday. I just thought it was silly because really, how much could it grow in 1-2 days if there wasn't anything there on Friday. But whatever.

CD12

I show up to Dr. G's office armed with my HMG (to replenish the office meds). When Dr. G figures out that I just saw the RE the previous day, he asks "What are you doing here today then?". Grrr. So u/s again and lefty has a 15mm follicle and righty (after a bit of looking!) has a 9mm follicle. 300ius for the next two days and I should come back on Thursday. I know they're trying to stay on top of this follicle situation, but seriously, I. have. work! That evening when I'm about 5 minutes away from home (and 30 minutes away from work) I realize I've left my HMG in my desk drawer. I rush back to work and then home, arriving an hour and fifteen minutes past my normal time for my injection. I end up missing the BSC baby shower for one of the ladies. Worst of all I subject my BSC & CISG buddy, S, to being there alone because I have no way of getting ahold of her to tell her I'm missing the class. Here I was looking forward to her being there with me because we could deal together and I abandon her. Luckily she forgave me when she found out what happened.

CD13

HMG still painful and bleeding. What the heck is Kevin doing?

CD14

My appt was at 11:30 originally but J called and asked me to come in 15 minutes early. I show up by 11:20 and there are two people in the waiting rooms as well as the exam rooms full. Seems Dr. Grrr (his new nickname!) is running late and has an office full of patients. At noon (when I told work I'd be back) I'm finally shown to an exam room and it takes another 10 minutes before Dr. Grrr shows up. Lefty is sporting an 18mm! Dr. Grrr says I'm ready and that I can trigger that night and have an IUI on Saturday. He comments again how I only produced 1 follicle even though we doubled the meds. According to him I should have follicles everywhere! Hello what about the fact that I have a 18mm follicle on CD14 when that usually doesn't happen till CD20 or so? Anyways, I'm a bit nervous about triggering 2 days before the IUI so I wait until right before midnight to get the HCG.

CD15

No more regular injections! Plus it's Friday! Plus I didn't ovulate (for once a good thing)!

CD16

Kevin goes in for his pre-appt at 8am and then comes home. We watch a bit of TV and then head to coverage RE's office (the same one I saw on Monday) for our noon apppt. IUI was painless, but uncomfortable. About 20 minutes after the procedure we were sent home. The RE said I could go back to normal activity. Pssshaw! I took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day and took the rest of the day way easy.

CD17, CD18, & CD19

BBTs are up which means I ovulated on Saturday. Awesome!

CD20

Today. I'm also 4DPIUI and 4DPO. Kevin keeps saying that DPIUI stands for dots per inch-user interface. Oh that funny guy! Tomorrow is the HCG booster (5000ius) to help my LP. As of right now it's the last shot ever.

It's good to be back

I didn't intend to take a break from blogging, it just kind of happened. First things first, I'm fine. Things have been busy at home and there's a cube-stalker at work, so I've had to force myself to get out of the habit of posting on my blog and checking and commenting other's blogs at work (always on my breaks of course!). This week is going to be slow -- I'm in the 2ww now, my show's series/season finales have all aired, BSC is done & indoor soccer is on a between season break -- so I'm hoping to catch up.

Alright, let's get started with what's been happening over the past two weeks:

The shower weekend was great! I flew down on Saturday, got picked up by the parents, went food shopping, got mani/pedis with Chicken and her future MIL & SIL & then went to mass with the parents. Literally one after the other. Next I went home and worked on shower stuff. Pita (Chicken's sister) came over around 9:30 pm to set up/decorate. She was suppose to be by around 6pm with her mom but something happened (wasn't explained to me) and she ended up not coming over till much later sans mom. Other than food my big shower projects were the blanket, crocheted mini-rattle swag (as a party favor), and corsages for Chicken and grammas-to-be.

• I actually finished the blanket two weeks prior, I just had to finish off the beginnings and ends. 80 squares x 2 = I didn't get it done on time. When I gave one to Wiki's BFF at her shower, the blanket got passed around and fondled by everyone and I didn't want anyone to see it unfinished so I didn't give it to Chicken at the shower. I showed it to her after (her future MIL gave her one at the shower that she had someone else make for her) so that she could see it, but I've brought it back with me to finish off. Yeah, 2w later and I still haven't finished it! This week!
• Originally I was going to make the rattle swag in four colors - purple, pink, yellow & white, but I ran out of time. I only did pink and purple. I got myMom and myDad involved in making the bows and finishing off the beginnings/ends for me. I did have a few left over though, so good thing I didn't make all four colors!
  
• We got Chicken an orchid corsage and attached various ribbons and rattles to it. Then we bought some baby socks, rolled them up to make little rose/flower buds for the grammas-to-be corsages. It took myMom and I about 10 false starts, but we finally found some web directions that worked and here's what we came up with.
  

Sunday started early, with me getting the burgers ready and chicken marinating. Then myMom and I drove down to church to go to myDad's Kof.C Mother's Day breakfast. Good Stuff. Afterwards we ran to walm.art to pick up last minute items, rushing to be back by 10am cause that's when the girls were suppose to arrive.

At 10:30 it was still just me and myMom. BFF A had gotten lost and Pita was somewhere between her house and mine (a 45 minute trip one way) having not left until about 10am. They finally arrived around 10:45 so we had a few minutes to finish the decorating & set up. Most of the guests arrived within the first 15 minutes. Unfortunately Chicken's future MIL wasn't one of those and as she was bringing the drinks & chips, we had water & only a veggie tray for the first 45 minutes of the party. But it was fine, everyone was talking/mixing and I think the J (the baby daddy) was the only one who noticed the lack of appetizers.

Being in charge of the food was awesome. It kept me busy and while I was able to say hi to everyone, I couldn't get caught in deep conversation (past 2 or 3 questions) because I always had to get back to the prep. I missed most of the games and I think for a while Chicken was getting annoyed, but really it kept me from thinking about the reason everyone was there. Finally everyone ate, all the games were over and it was time to open gifts. I was fine almost the whole time, J's family were all really nice and loved to make fun of him because he wasn't always sure what things were (he once called a matching bloomer a "cute hat"). Honestly it wasn't until the end of the gift opening that I got teary-eyed so I went to the bathroom and let myself go for a minute or so and then got back to the party. I had to concentrate hard on not seeming upset, but thankfully the party was breaking up at that point. Chicken stayed a few extra hours to hang out (and try to beat myDad at poker - her obsession) and then she left.

Afterwards my parents and I went to go see St.arTr.ek. It was awesome! I've always been a tre.kkie, along with my whole family. I was excited to see the film especially with my parents. Kevin says he wants to go see it, but he'll never actually pay to go to the movies to watch it and I wanted to see it on the big screen. Anyways, I thought it was really good but I did have one issue with one subplot. In not wanting to give away spoilers I won't mention it here, but if you want to discuss, just email me.

I flew home on Monday morning, making the drive straight in to work. My indoor game got cancelled so I was able to go home and go to sleep. I needed it!

Okay, this is enough for today, I'll be back tomorrow, I promise! And just to make sure you come back tomorrow I'll update you all on our 8th (and possibly last) cycle of TTC.

Ohio, not Florida

Six months ago I thought I would be in Ohio this weekend instead of Florida. MyMom has one sister, B. Tía B has two sons D & lil G. D is 11 months older than me, lil G about 3 years younger. Growing up, D & lil G spent most of their years in Germany. They finally moved back to the states, to Georgia, when I was in the 8th grade. The following year myMom, myDad, Wiki, Grandma, Grandpa and I moved to Florida. My grandparents were always wanting to go visit D & lil G (they never got to see them while they were in Germany) so Wiki and I often tagged along. Right before Senior year of HS, they moved again and then kept moving every year or so (Uncle G was in the Ai.r F.orce). They finally settled down in Ohio.
Anyways, back in 2004, Tía B called and said that lil G was getting married. Then a few months later she called to say that he wasn't getting married anymore. A few months after that, she called to say that lil G had gotten his new girlfriend pregnant and the first grandchild was going to be born in February of 2005. J was born and plans for marriage were put in place, but nothing really materialized. They had an off and on relationship that finally collapsed right around the time that I got married. Wait, there's more!
In the summer of 2008, Tía B called and said that lil G was getting married. His new fiancée wanted to get married in the church and so they wouldn't be getting married until the first weekend in May 2009. Well fast forward to January and myMom calls Tía B to check on some things before booking her flights and Tía B tells her that there isn't going to be a wedding in May. Not because they've broken up, but because lil G's fiancée is pregnant. She's due in August 2009 and so wants to have the wedding after the pregnancy & birth.
My mom sends me an email to let me (and the rest of the family) know. When I got this email, I was like "Wow!" I was in the beginning of a new cycle, just having come off an anovulatory 45CD cycle. Also, I had just learned that Chicken was pregnant (obviously you can tell which affected me more).
These were the first pregnancy announcements that came with a stab of pain since now I was dealing with infertility. Since then, I've been trying to figure out how I should deal. This is my conclusion.
I believe that God has a plan for me. It is His plan and the best plan. I trust in His plan. I believe that God wants me to be a mother, but how He will make me a mother, I have no clue. All those women who get pregnant, whether by choice or by accident, are just women who happened to get pregnant. Just because they got pregnant doesn't mean that I will not have kids one day. Those lives/souls were never meant for me, so how can I mourn the lost "opportunity" when it was never mine to begin with? Does it hurt when I find out about it? Yes. Does the start of each new cycle cause pain. Yep, but it's okay. Because I trust in His plan for me. I trust that I will be a mother one day.

⁸"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
⁹"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
¹⁰"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
And do not return there without watering the earth
And making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;
¹¹So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.
                Isaiah 55:8-11

It is Cycle #8's turn

That's right, today is CD1. It was kind of a shock, but not really. I'm finding that the more cycles I have, the better I am at spotting when AF is going to come. Sounds funning coming from a 31-year-old, doesn't it?
Last week I prepared my RE for the fact that I was going out of town this weekend and this was going to be the weekend that AF would come if I wasn't KU. So when I called them, they were totally good with me coming in today. It was funny because when the doctor confirmed that AF was visiting, his answer was "That sucks." Ha!
So plan for next cycle: I'm gonna start the injections on Monday. He said I could do Sunday, but I don't want to have to get my dad to do it. That's just wrong. So we're starting HMG on CD4. Because last cycle's results weren't so hot, Dr. G wants to do 300ius for two days and then 225ius for two more days. Last cycle was 150ius so this is quite a jump!
Also, we're going to use another 5,000ius of HCG as LP support. If I ovulated on Friday, then that means that I have a 13 day LP. Which is good, because it's the longest one I've had, but Dr. G would still like it to be 14 days. If I ovulated on Tuesday then my LP was 9 days. Which is average for me and a worse situation.
I had a friend from my CISG tell me about this vitamin called Op.tivite that is suppose to be awesome at extending your LP. I'm currently in the middle of my Who.le Foo.ds PN vitamins but as soon as I'm done with them, I'm switching! I'll try anything! Yes, I've even got a box of flax seed at home. I've not used it yet, but it might become a staple in my diet.
Tomorrow I leave for Florida for Chicken's shower! I'm so excited, but not really excited about all the things I have to do before the shower.

Movin' On Up

Last night was Dave and Les' first Level 6 agility class. This is a big step because it's the first time that they do their agility stuff outdoors. Lots of new smells, new textures and new things. Who wants to do the same obstacles. I didn't get to go because of my soccer game so Kevin took them. He said they did really well.
While there, he sees a notice that the rates for agility are going up. Right now we pay about $60 per dog per month. 2 classes a week, so about $6-$7.5 per class. Really not that bad because I use to pay $10 per class when Dave was younger. But now they're only going to let us come to class once a week. That's $12-$15 a class. Which sucks! Oh, we can pay almost double of that and get to go to as many classes a week as wanted, but really, who needs more than two classes a week? I've already told Kevin to prepare himself for the fact that after the dogs get back from Florida that we might not pick back up again. We're paid up until right before they leave. I'm sorry, I love my dogs, but there's no way I'm paying 240 bucks a month for them to jump around and sniff.

...Outta Mind

Dr. G doesn't like using FF so he has me transfer my temps to these charts he has. I could just bypass FF, but I like having instant access that I can play around with. Anyways, today I was transferring the temps over and seeing those good temps made me smile inside. Which was good, because all day I keep thinking that I'm having pre-AF cramps. There's this general heaviness that usually happens the couple of days before AF arrives. So far 10DPO (which just happens to be today) is my average LP, but I did have a 12DPO once. I am so glad I haven't been bbting. Although I do admit I went through Kevin's usual hiding spots to see if I could find where he hid my thermometer. It was a moment of weakness! I'm glad I didn't find it! But now I need to figure out his new hiding spot. On principle of course.

Outta Sight...

Friday morning I woke up to a with a fantastic BBT. I also woke up with a tickle in my throat. I immediately panicked about the tickle because I cannot get sick for a third time while TTC! Seriously being sick without being able to take nyquil is the worst! Kevin has been nursing a sore throat/runny nose for the past week or so and I was not going to catch it! Luckily since that morning that tickle hasn't come back. Whew!
So with my fantastic BBT on Friday, that meant that FF could confirm ovulation. Of course, it thought I had ovulated on Tuesday instead of last Friday. I just pushed it back to Friday. Not that it matters, I can't test till next Tuesday anyway per Kevin's request that I only test when he's around. I've also decided that I'm not temping for the rest of the 2ww. Isn't it amazing how much a good temp gives you hope? How you're floating on a cloud with "proof" that you might be pregnant? Yeah, that's where I was Friday morning. And you know what? I liked that feeling. I don't want it to go away. So I told Kevin to hide my thermometer and I removed my chart from the blog. Outta sight, outta mind, right? At least I know I won't be obsessing about it and clicking the link all the time. It's not like it's going to change between now and then. Also falling temps during this week always depresses me and I don't want to be upset before my trip this weekend. I want to be in a good mood until next Tuesday.

So. Hilarious.

This morning at 3:30am, Kevin and I awoke to the sound of a thump-thump-thump. We look over and Les had fallen off the bed! She was sleeping on Kevin's side of the bed. She got up and looked at us like we were the culprits that caused her to fall. Dave, who sleeps on her bed on my side of the bed even got up and walked over to make sure Les was okay. Then she decided to jump on the bed. And then Les got back on the bed. So from 3:30am to 6:30am all of us were on the bed. It was a bit cramped.

R. called me this morning to get my temps from Tuesday, Wednesday and today(98.1°) and she seems to think that I have ovulated. She's not sure if it was on Friday or Tuesday though. She said it's rare though not unheard of for someone to ovulate that late after a shot. Whatever. So I'm either 6dpo or 2dpo. I'm going to go with the 6dpo cause then I'm nearly half done with my 2ww and also maybe I'll actually make it to a 14 day LP, even if I am cheating. 

Holy Tender Boops, Batman!

Seriously, they are hurting! I don't ever think they've been this sensitive before. It all started Tuesday afternoon. I noticed that the girls were responding to accidental bumps (I'm a D cup so accidental bumps happen all the time!). I thought maybe it was because of my soccer game on Monday and how much running I did in that game. And then on the way home last night from BSC I started cramping up and seriously was concerned that AF was coming. Which is totally awkward because I didn't even know that I ovulated! And then this morning my temp went way up to 98° which is weird. I'm not sure what the heck is going on but whatever, I'll take what I can get.
Last night Les and Dave got promoted to Level 6! They'll now be doing agility outdoors! They're still not 100% consistent but they get better all the time. I'm kinda afraid what's going to happen in September (they're spending the month with my parents down in Florida) but hopefully they won't slide backwards too much.

He's Making Me Do It

I don’t wanna, but I have to.  I called R at Dr. G's office to find out if I can have a p4 test at the end of the week but first Dr. G wants me to continue taking my temps for the rest of this week so he can try to figure out what is going on. That’s not so bad since I get up at 6 am during the week. Hopefully I can stop by the weekend. My temp this morning fell again. Bummer.

One of the ladies at my BSC is pregnant and the group has decided to throw her a baby shower at the last class. She's really nice and does a lot of the organizing for us so I'm glad we can do this for her. At first though, when the emails started, I had to wait a few rounds before I finally could reply. I'm so grateful S (my friend from ISG) is in the class with me! After last week's IF day and the constant talk about the preggo lady and childbirth, it's nice to know that I've got someone next to me thinking & feeling nearly the same things as me. A bit of misery loves company I know, but if only I had someone like that with me 24/7 (husbands don't count).

I'm Giving Up on BBT

That's right! I'm no longer slave to that IF ritual every morning. No more waking myself (and Kevin) up at 6 am on Saturdays and Sundays just so I can take a freaking temp that always depresses me. This weekend: Friday my temp was in my normal range at 97.4°. Saturday it jumped up to 98.0°. Yes! I ovulated. Then Sunday it dropped to 97.6°. WTF??? And today it was 97.7°. Both of those are below my 97.8° usual coverline. I've got a couple of theories which include the current heat wave in RVA (it was 94° on both days!) and missing winter blankets (did i mention it was 94° each day this weekend?). But now I'm thinking that I might call my doctor and request a P4 test for this Saturday.
Last Thursday evening we went round to #25 to drop off a Lasagna Stoup we made for them. Good thing we did! Visiting at the time was their MIL and BIL as well as a neighborhood kid who was playing with their 4 year old. I sat next to Mr. #25 to get a look at the new kiddo and he asked me if I wanted to hold him. Can I just tell you a wave of sheer panic overcame me. I think I answered something along the lines of "No! I don't hold babies, just look at them." BIL shared that he was afraid of holding the baby too and that it took a while for him to get use to it. But the fact that the first emotion I felt was panic made me question if I am ready for a baby? I've never been a newborn baby fan - I fall in love with them when they're like 5/6 months old. What the heck am I going to do?

Week End Update

15mm! Just shy of the 16mm that Dr. G likes to see in order to give the HCG trigger. Left ovary was doing absolutely nothing. Dr. G did say he was dissappointed I only had one good size follicle even with injectibles. So Wednesday night I had to do another round of 225iu HMG. Then yesterday, I gave myself the trigger. We're hoping that I ovulate today, tomorrow at the latest and then we're back to the 2ww.

While in the office, Dr. G did ask me what I want to do about next cycle. No he's not being negative, just pratical. It takes a week for the meds to get to me and next cycle he wants to start around CD3 instead of CD6. We started late this cycle because I wanted an HSG done. Anyways, because I'll need to order next cycles meds before we know if this cycle has worked, Kevin and I need to decide what we want to do. I'm leaning toward just going ahead and getting them and if I do get pregnant, figure out what to do with them then.

On the POAS situation, Kevin wants me to wait till I get back from Florida to take an HPT! I don't want to POAS unless I'm on CD15. Which is Saturday or Sunday. I leave early doors on Saturday, most likely way too early for FMU to be any good. I know it's going to kill me to wait until the following Tuesday! Arg!