Labor Day Recall

The drive down wasn't that bad. Kevin had a meeting get pushed back and so he ended up not leaving the house till 12:00 so we were half an hour off. Usually we handle it in three hour shifts and did this time as well. We got to my parent's around 1am. myDad actually let Les and Dave sleep in our room which isn't normal, but starting Saturday morning, they became outside dogs.

After their swim lesson in the morning (where we learned Les doesn'tuse her back legs when swimming) we left for Chicken's house. J is college football obsessed so we watched that, ordered in some Chinese food (which J doesn't like but was willing to endure since it meant he didn't have to leave his TV) and just hung out. Chicklet was a little angel. I even held her after her second feeding. Kevin held her right away and then again when I was done. I think he's ready for fatherhood. We left before dinner and when we got home myDad was out grilling (he's got the mac daddy setup!). myDad and I stayed up to watch The Sou.nd of Mus.ic. That movie is seriously a long a$$ movie! It's like 4 hours! Okay, I looked it up on imd.b.com and it's only 3 hours long....that's still long for an old movie. It'd be like a 6 hour movie in today's time, right?

I got Kylee done in enough time but didn't redo Chloe's head. I realized after I made them that their little button eyes are probably not kid-safe so I told Chicken and J that they could cut them off and I would reattach them when Chicklet was older. When I gave the dolls to Chicklet, J was so awesome. He took them to Chicklet's room and put them in the crib! Most of her dolls are on a high shelf in her room and I know that that's where they'll prolly end up, but still, it was cute to see him do that.

Sunday we went to Bus.ch Garde.ns. My mom had free tickets for working a big event held in February. It was a nice day for it and I got a hat for our cruise! Afterwards we cooked out again and then played Phas.e 10. It took 3 rounds for me to get the first phase done, but then I caught up and was in even in the lead once. Then Kevin won.

Monday morning came too soon and we had a 12+ hour drive ahead of us. But myMom and I got some shopping done at my favorite teacher store and then Kevin and I said our final goodbyes to Les and Dave. It was so sad. Les was all excited (she can sense when we're going on a trip) when we came out that last time. But we managed to drive away. We got home about 11:30pm.

So now that my 3.5-day weekend is over, I can relax and rest.

Road Trip!

I'm waiting here at work for Kevin to come pick me up. We're driving down to Florida today and should make it to my parents house pretty late. But we've been planning this trip for a while. Ever since Chicken told us that she was due at the end of July. I figured she'd have enough visitors the first month that Chicklet was around and now that she's 5-6 weeks or so, she should be less scary. The only baby I've ever had to hold (in my adult years) has been my cousin's kid born back in '99 (cause seriously D gave me no choice, just handed the baby over!). Since then, nobody else. Not that people haven't offered, I just refrained from it. Give me your kid when he/she is 1 or 1 1/2 and I'm great. Younger than that induces all out panic on my part. Great for someone trying to become a mother, right? But people tell me I will change when the kid is my own. I sure hope so.

Once we knew that we were going down for the long weekend and knew that the cruise was coming up we decided to drop the dogs off at my parents. We're gonna be gone for almost two weeks and didn't want to put the dogs in boarding. So we asked my parents and they agreed to meet us half way in October to retrieve the dogs. I'm gonna be a whole month without Dave and Les! This will be the longest Dave and I will be separated since I brought her home from the Pu.blix parking lot! And what's Kevin gonna do? He's really into agility now and the "season" is starting. He's already disappointed that we're going to miss the start of it because we'll be gone, but now we're gonna miss a further two weeks because the dogs will be gone. What is he gonna do those three nights a week he usually goes to classes? We're sure gonna be some case without them!

Wednesday I texted Chicken to make plans - I suggested Kev and I come over on Saturday and then we could do dinner Sunday night. That way I'm spending time with Chicken & Chicklet but still get to spend time with my parents. Chicken texts me back and says Saturday is fine but she needs to talk to me about the rest of the weekend. Yesterday she called me for all of five minutes and says how she and Jon have a strict rule that Sundays are family days. How they're always inundated with family members visiting so for their sanity they receive no visitors on Sunday. So could we do dinner on Saturday instead (whereas I thought us spending the day with them on Saturday included dinner?!?). All I'm thinking in my head is "Seriously? I'm driving 24 hours round trip to come and see you and your kid and you can't have dinner with me, Kev and my parents on Sunday evening?" I know it's unfair but my feelings were hurt. I said something about totally understanding and then she had to get off the phone. I'm not sure if I was hurt because of this incident, because of our IF struggles (you know it factors into everything I'm feeling these days) or because our friendship has been changing (starting before the KU announcement).

Ooh, I started a new crochet project last Friday:
Know what this turns into? This:
I finished it in less than 24 hours. Her name is Chloe and she's for Chicklet. I'm making another one called Kylee. She's gonna be a bear.
I'm not happy with Chloe's head (looks kind of messed up to me)
so I might redo it before tomorrow. Kevin asked me if I needed a book for the drive tonight and I was like "Nope! Got my crocheting to do!"

Vacation Side Effects

It's because I'm going on vacation. I know it is. Two weeks from right now I'll be on a boat in Istanbul probably crashed out and wanting to sleep forever. Either that or be so hyped up that neither jet lag nor a 33 hour day is going to convince my brain that it's now 10:30pm and not 3:30pm. Anyhoo, I know the reason I've been so busy (and will continue to be till the day I leave) is because I'm going on vacation. Work is busy, agility is busy, soccer is busy...I got an invitation to join the Fall BSC and I don't think I can do it. I want to, but it means another evening away from home when I already spend most of my evenings away from home. I've got a little while to decide so we'll see.

Sooooooo, last Tuesday R from Dr. Grrr's office called me. She was calling to settle up my account and I happened to mention that I was on CD29 with no sign of ovulation or AF. I might have mentioned that I had some leftover Provera from that one cycle. She talked to Dr. Grrr and called me back. They thought it would be a good idea for me to take the Provera just so that I didn't go 2 months without a cycle.

Wednesday I called R back. See, I read A's post where she mentioned that since she can't get monitored she's doing Clomid for another month. Then I thought "Hey, maybe I could do the same thing." Clomid worked to get me to ovulate, even if I had to take 150mg. I talked to R and explained that we were planning on starting up again in October (which was true) but that we might be interested in TTCing in September though. And how I was going on vacation so I couldn't do injectibles (which I have decided are a waste of money for me) but that maybe I could do 5 days of 150mgs Clomid. She talked to Dr. Grrr and called me back. I was a go!

Tonight is my last night of Provera (I only had 8 pills left — I took one when I got the Rx, don't ask me where the other one went). Hopefully AF will show up on Monday — totally selfish here, but can I tell you how grateful I am that it worked out that AF will be here next week instead of the week after?!? Thank you GOD! — and so Clomid will be the end of next week and peak ovulation time will be while I'm on the cruise! Who knows what will happen on a honeymoon cruise in the Mediterranean. ;P

U(nexpected)W(e're)P(regnant!) Announcements

Kevin's cousin M and his wife S are going to have a baby. They're due in March. Cousin M announced it on his Fac.ebook status. I showed it to Kevin who told his Mum and it was a shock to them both. Later Mum "happened" to be walking down their street and saw S and S told Mum the happy news. M wasn't suppose to say anything but after an evening at the pub a friend convinced him to put it on fa.cebook. The next day they had to scramble to get to his parent's house and tell them about it before they learned about it from someone else. Mum said that S went off the pill around Christmas so they were TTC but I don't think anyone knew about it. Back in February 2008 S said they were waiting for M's 30th b-day (which was last month) to have kids. Now they're 10 weeks along and the first thing I thought of is that if we had gotten a BFP last cycle our EDDs would have only been 2-3 weeks apart.

Busyness

Ack! How did an entire week go by without me posting? I need to get back in the habit of posting and commenting. Just as a warning, the next month or so's posts are going to be mainly soccer related. I tend to get a bit obsessive (at least that's what friends tell me) when I coach and with the break in TTC I don't really have anything else to write about.

Monday - Everything went great at practice. Except that I forgot my watch. I didn't forget it really, I just usually keep it in my car and then drove Kevin's car to practice. Wait! Crap, I did it again today. I think I need to buy another watch - one for each car. I don't normally wear a watch so I usually take it off first chance I get (in the car) and then don't usually remember about it till I'm on my way to a game/practice. So I leave it in the car. After practice I met briefly with the parents and got to meet my team manager. So far so good.

Tuesday - I use to play indoor at one place on Monday nights, but since I'm now practicing on Mondays, I had to switch to the other indoor place. They play on Tuesdays. This was the first time I was able to go and it turned out to be the last time they're doing Tuesday pick up games. Apparently not enough women are interested so they're trying to fold the girls into the co-ed league. Which is on Monday nights. But I did find out about an outdoor league that starts up next month. I might do that instead. Ooh, and I got to use my new toy - a Po.lar Hea.rt Ra.te Moni.tor (PHRM) - while playing.

Wednesday - Practice #2! It was stormy the whole drive (45 min. north of where I work!) up, but as I turned off the freeway, the storm let up. Turned into a real nice afternoon and a great practice. However I became confused when I was practicing and thought practice ended at 6:30 instead of 7. But because I'm me, I let the girls go at 6:45ish. Parents don't mind practice going 15 minutes late right? Even if it was actually 15 minutes early? I've warned most of them though that I very rarely end right at 6:30.

Thursday - I went to another game night. It was hosted by the same people as last time. We got to play a game called Last Word. It was awesome! It's like a mix of scattergories and something else but fun! You're shouting the whole time and sometimes you get caught up in arguing how an answer is not eligible and then someone else ends up with the point because you forgot to get the last word in.

Friday - I decided to play in the outdoor league but I had a few questions. Friday was the last day to register but the chick never called me back! I've also decided to actually start using my elliptical machine. I think Kevin and I are going to do a lot of walking on this cruise. When going through the excursions Kevin kept leaning towards the walking-tours-of-this-historical-city type of activities. I did a 45 minute workout and got to use my PHRM again. Also, Kevin and I have decided to do a kayak rolling class. But I can't register us till Monday!

Saturday - On Wednesday when I was finally cleaning out my soccer bag, I found a gift card to the local mall. And it was for $135! Yes! Sweet! It must have fallen out of the thank you card I got from my last team back in May 2008. However since it had been a year since it had been purchased it was only worth $127. Stupid monthly maintenance fees! Kevin and I went to DSG to pick up a few items. He got these shoes

and this bag. Of course for the cruise! :) I got some shirts and these ad.idas shorts (The new soccer club is adid.as and I've been coaching at ni.ke clubs for the past five-ish years). Plus I found this water bottle! I've been looking for this kind of water bottle for years! Anyways good shopping day. Of course we rounded it out with a trip to Targ.et and Ko.hl's.

Sunday - I had a very productive day! We watched the Form.ula 1 race and the first half of the WPS Championship game (not the second half, so no spoilers please!) while I did the weekly shopping list. Then after the shopping, we installed our rain barrel which we've had for MONTHS and never put in. But we got it in. Afterwards I did my 90 minute elliptical session (go PHRM!) while Kevin made this for dinner. Yum-O! We went to the Byrd to see Ter.minator: Salvati.on. And I got to squeeze in Tr.ueB.lood and De.sign S.tar before bed!

Today - It rained last night! RIC got 2-3" of rain! And Kevin said we'd go through a dry spell because we'd installed the rain barrel. I signed us up for the rolling class. We got the date we wanted. Also the girls soccer schedule came out. I knew I was going to miss two games because of the cruise but now they've scheduled a double header for that second weekend I'm gone! Come on! I don't know if I can reschedule (in the past they've been really rigid about rescheduling games), but I'll try.

Cycle News (finally!): I'm CD28 today and no signs of ovulation. My chart looks dismal. I'm thinking about taking some leftover Provera just so that I stay somewhat regular. Kevin and I are going to restart TTC when we get back, in October, so I might go in to see Dr. Grrr. I think I should do a u/s before taking the provera and also I want to have a game plan (and order any meds) for when we get back.

Adoption News: We have 2 references in! I talked to Chicken, Lylas and S and they all said that they were getting theirs in soon! So one of them did! We just need one more now. Also I called one local lawyer that had been referred to us, but when I called Kevin to confirm the appt he kind of freaked out about how fast everything was moving. So I cancelled the appt. Hopefully we'll talk about it soon and can get everything moving again. We also need to work on our profile book.

Well I think this post is long enough! I'll try to update sooner next time!

Oh, to answer some questions -

Beth - I'm coaching U-11 Girls.

A - I coach with a soccer club. I coach travel (select) soccer.

First Day of Practice

Tonight is my first practice with my new team. I'm really excited to be starting up with them. As well as being a new team, I'm also starting up with a new club. So far this club seems really good. The only gripe I do have is communication. Up here the modus operandi seems to be that coaches coach and the manager manages. All well and good, but when my manager finds out information before I do, it's not good. I don't like being blindsided by info coming from him. Like the club decided to run a skills clinics for the next five weeks (which is awesome) but they didn't tell me about it and they didn't tell my manager till this morning. So here's me, showing up to work 15 minutes early so that I can get out 15 minutes early and I'll be on time to my practice at 5:30. When I get to work, I get an email (from my team manager, not the club) how the skills clinic is going to start today and oh yeah, starts at 5pm. WTF! I can't get there by 5! Oh well, it doesn't look bad when the coach shows up 30 minutes late to the first practice, does it?

It's My Blogiversary

One year ago today I started my blog. When I think back to how I was one year ago, I can't believe all that we've gone through to get us to here.

So I decided to take a look at this past year by the numbers:

180 - # of posts I've done in the past year.
91 - # of posts that were TTC related.
55 - # of times I/Kevin injected me with fertility drugs.
40 - $ it costs me each time I see Dr. Grrr.
36 - # of days till our cruise!
33 - # of average days of my cycle.
27 - Latest CD that I ovulated.
22 - # of days since Chicklet was born.
21 - # of appts I've had w/ Dr. Grrr.
16 - Earliest CD that I ovulated.

10 - # of days it took to get my renewed passport.

9 - # of cycles of TTC in the past year.
8 - # of weeks since we started our homestudy.
7 - # of co-workers who are/were expecting this past year.
6 - # of cycles that I actually ovulated.
5 - # of blogs I read who are preggers.
4 - # of Catholic Infertility Support Group (CISG) meetings in the past year.
3 - # of adoption orientations we went to before choosing JFS.
2 - # of IUIs we've done
1 - # of couples (that I know IRL) whose adoption went through this past year.
0 - # of BFPs.

Thank you to everyone who regularly reads (and comments on) my blog, those who have just visited once and any lurkers out there. While I do write for myself it always makes me smile to know that you all are out there standing with me through this journey.

What could it hurt?

I'm seriously considering calling Dr. Grrr and asking for a looky-see at my ovaries. I *think* I might have something on the right ovary, but so far I haven't had any other signs of impending ovulation. It's only CD15 and even with meds, I don't usually ovulate till at least CD17. My bbts have been weird, higher than normal but not high enough for ovulation. I know I said Kevin and I were stopping TTC but I still have this need to track everything.

Cake

The first of Kevin's b-days that I was in charge of was in 2006. We had just gotten back from a wedding in England and so were in recovery mode. We went out to dinner including dessert (the norm for the Mos), he got his gifts and that was that. Then later that week while on the phone with his mother (in clear hearing distance) he happened to mention how he didn't get a cake.
One year later, in 2007, I went to Kro.ger to get him a cake. He had just gotten his car and so I got him all car themed gifts. Later that week while on the phone with his mother (in clear hearing distance again) he mentioned how he got a store-bought cake and all his gifts were for his car, not him.
In 2008 we happened to be in NYC for his birthday, with his parents. I didn't buy him a gift because he had told me that he was at an age (31) where he didn't need presents anymore when I had asked him a week earlier what he wanted. Well his parents brought him loads of gifts. When we got home, Kevin again mentioned the lack of cake.
So Birthday 2009 was looming. It happened to be the day of our 3rd Homestudy appt, but not wanting it appear more important than his birthday, I actually baked this. Along with home-made ice cream.




The cake was so dense that we actually had smaller than average pieces. It lasted about a week (which is usually unheard of here). Yes, he got presents this year, but I just wrapped the clothes we had bought the weekend before.
Dave got this for him:

About two months ago, she decided that it was a good idea to eat the one we had. I think it was a bit cheeky to wait till his birthday to replace it...

Thursday Rundown

Why is it that the 2ww seems to take forever, but the 2 weeks till ovulation just fly by? Today is CD10. I temping during our break only so that I have some kind of record for these two months. Monday or Tuesday (I can't remember when) my temp was 97.66 - higher than my normal pre-ovulation temp. Today it was 97.88. Woah! That's a post-ovulation temp. Of course now I'm super curious what it's going to be tomorrow morning. I promised Kevin I wouldn't temp on the weekends - so we could sleep in - so I guess I'll have something to look forward to on Monday. My mind keeps racing back to my theories of having another cyst and so I'm wondering if that cyst was a new follie that could rupture sometime on CD8 or CD9. A couple of days ago I did have some left ovary pain which I thought was follie growing ovary pain, but could totally be ovulating ovary pain. Then reality comes back and I know this scenario is highly unlikely. Sans med, my usual ovulation day is CD24-CD26. So again, you can see why I'm actually looking forward to temping now.

Saturday we're going here. Kevin's climbing partner, B, has been wanting to go play on their Flo.wRider. He's been trying to get Kevin to go for ages and Kev finally agreed. So they're taking a class in the morning. And somehow I agreed to do it as well. I figure it will be a good picture taking opportunity if nothing else. The only downside is that the park is about 2 hours away and the class is at 8:30am and you have to be there 15 minutes early! I've already called the sleeping spot though. Kev and B can drive us out there.

We're thinking of entering Les into an agility run-thru the last weekend of August. It's a low-key event and you pay for each run so if your dog is doing horrible you can stop early before you've paid too much money. I think Kevin would enjoy doing it and I know watching better handlers with their dogs will drive home some of the points I been trying to make.

Cousin J is now Brother J

Well I think he was always Brother J, but it's his first vows. As Father V put it:

"J has made first vows, as a Trini.tarian. The vows are vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. 'First' vows are renewed each year. After three years in first vows or simple vows, he will be eligible to take solemn vows which are made 'until death.' These would be his final commitment as a Trin.itarian religious."

But I think during his novice year he was a Brother already.

We drove up to Trenton on Saturday. Traffic between RVA and DC was horrible! It took us 2 hours to travel north 80 miles. And then another hour and a half to get through Baltimore. Finally we got to Trenton around 5:30. We toured the churches and then went to dinner. Afterwards the girls came over to our hotel (they were staying in a convent!) because we thought there was a pool, but there wasn't! What kind of hotel doesn't have a pool?!? So we just hung out kinda watching Sidney White.

Sunday morning we were at the church a half hour early. But mainly so we'd get good parking. We had a reserved pew so we got seats up in the front. The mass lasted about an hour and a half and then afterwards was a reception in the hall underneath the church. There was A LOT of food! Kevin and I skipped lunch & dinner because we were still full from the reception. Anyways, after the reception we went to a parishioners home for about an hour and then we had to start the drive back to RVA.

We were able to get home by 8pm, so not too bad. The house was too quiet. We had booked the dogs into boarding for the weekend. Kevin picked them up today. It gave us a glimpse of what next month is going to be like when the dogs are down in Florida.

TGIF...Wait! Already?!?

I cannot believe it's Friday already. Yesterday when Cupcake reminded me it was Thursday I was shocked. But it's Friday. It's also CD4.
Tuesday after lunch I found out that Cycle #9 was a bust. I was upset, cried a few tears in the bathrooom, but then got back to work. The hardest part was going to agility after work because I knew, but Kevin didn't. I was more upset about having to tell Kevin that it didn't work than I was about it actually not working. He was so vocal and optimistic this cycle. When I did tell him once we got home he admitted to me that he was hoping for a BFP for his birthday. It broke my heart.
We have decided to take a break from TTC. We might start again in October, but for now, we're going to focus on adoption. Our homestudy appt on Wednesday went well. My individual interview went really long because our SW realized that morning that she hadn't gotten my autobiography. So it ended up being about an hour long. The couples interview was next and it was pretty short so I got out of there around 10am. Kevin's individual interview was about 20 minutes. The SW said that all our paperwork and clearances are in and everything cleared. So now we're waiting on our reference letters to come in. My friends tend to be procrastinators (like me) so I sent them all a text message reminding them that we had our appt and that the letters would be the last thing. I'll email them next week again. I don't want to be THAT friend that nags you when she's asked you for a favor but seriously, it's all our approval is contingent on. Get it in people!
About an hour after I found out about the failure of cycle #9, that lawyer I mentioned before called me. About a week after getting in touch with him, I called him again and told him that we were probably going to go with someone local but that we would keep him in mind in case we changed our mind. Well Tuesday he called to say that he's got a couple of birthmothers that he's getting ready to match up and wanted to give us a chance to be considered. Of course to be considered we'd have to pay him a retainer ($6,000) and that doesn't even guarantee that we'd get picked. It seems a bit much to me but our SW told us that's the norm when dealing with adoption attorneys. Kevin is still hesitant to use him because of what we learned on the internet about him (not good stuff). But then my Tia's co-worker swears by him and even went back a second time because she was so happy with the first. I'm going to try to call her again this weekend. Last time I never actually got a hold of her.
J's special mass is this weekend so it's off to exciting, exotic Trenton. But I'm really looking forward to seeing my cousin T. About a year or so ago, she had brain surgery to remove a tumor. J shaved his head bald when she did to show his support of her. RR told me that she's doing a lot better but I'm glad to be able to see her.

And now for a pick me up. Kevin was working from home on Wednesday and so he got to observe Dave & Les doing what they do when we're not there.

12DPIUI

Kevin and I had a good weekend. I convinced him on Saturday to go clothes shopping for him. And a few items for me. I used the excuse of getting him clothes for his birthday as well as clothes for the cruise to get him to go. I use to hate shopping with him. We'd make a list of all the stores we would need to go to and then we'd get to the first store and he'd complain that he had a headache and was tired and wanted to go home. Yes, this is my husband, not my three year old child. It got to the point that other than the grocery store and S.am's Cl.ub, I refused to go anywhere with him. But he's gotten a better attitude and I've gotten better at stragegically planning the trips. Like I always end the trip with a visit to K.ohl's which is Kevin's favorite department store. He'll go in there and come out with at least 3 or 4 shirts for work. Even if he doesn't NEED any new ones. Strangely, they are a weakness for him.

So I shaped up pretty good at taking my bbts this cycle. I got in IUI day, 1DPIUI, 2DPIUI, 5DPIUI, 7DPIUI, 8DPIUI, 10DPIUI, 11DPIUI and today. IUI, 1DPIUI, & 2DPIUI were normal, with normal ovulation shifting temps, but then on 5DPIUI there was a huge jump and I started to get excited. These temps were the highest of any temps I've ever gotten since I started charting last October. So last night I was looking at the pattern rather than the temps and there's not a second shift. I doubt implantation would have occured before 5DPO so I would have needed to see a second shift sometime between 5DP0 and 10DPO and there hasn't been. And then this morning my bbt plummeted. 97.93°. Still above the coverline, but I think it's on it's way down. AF will probably arrive on Wednesday or Thursday. Or maybe even tomorrow as I'm starting to feel AF/uterus pains. But I'm hoping Thursday because then that will mean another normal LP.

The other thing I've been thinking about is the twinges I've been having in the left ovary area. I looked back at the blog and realized that around 9-10DPO last cycle I was having the same thing and if I had to describe it the best description is that twinge you get before you're about to ovulate and your follies are growing. Last cycle I just dismissed it but then this cycle ended up being delayed because I had a 15mm follicle on the left side at my menses test. And this cycle I've had the same twinges around 9-10DPO so I'm thinking if we did a menses check we're prolly going to find another largish follicle.
Now I'm about 95% sure this cycle didn't work. It was the best shot we've had since we started this whole TTC thing. I've been a little emotional about it but mostly calm. I decided not to say anything to Kevin until AF shows up. Usually in the mornings he'll ask me about my temp but this morning he didn't. Maybe he can tell.

Tagged again.

A gave me the Honest Scrap award recently and I'm just now getting to doing my part.

Here are the Honest Scrap stipulations:

1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find interesting and engaging *I'm gonna do 8 so that I fulfill my duties from the 8x8 award earlier with this one
2. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog and leave a comment informing them that they have won the "Honest Scrap Award" or "8x8 Award"
3. List at least 10 honest things about yourself

Here are my 10 honest things:

1. I'm a tech junkie - if it's new and improved and a gadget, I probably own it.
2. I'm not a big fan of chocolate, especially plain chocolate. However we have to keep a huge stash of it around because Kevin is a chocoholic!
3. I was a biology & chemistry double major when I started college but after two years (and only being a year away from graduation) I changed my major to Graphic Design.
4. If I had stayed in college one more semester I would have come out with three minors - Biology, Chemistry & English.
5. Kevin and I still refer to the dogs as yours and mine. If I say "Your dog is under the bed," he knows I'm talking about Les. If I say "My dog needs a good brushing," I'm talking about Dave.
6. Until Kevin and I got married we didn't have pet names for eachother. We never called eachother Honey, Sweetie, Darling or anything else. Now we often refer to eachother as Husband and Wife. For instance if I need something I'll say "Husband, can I have a glass of orange juice please?"
7. I call Chicken "Chicken" IRL. When I introduce her to anyone I have to force myself to call her by her real name.
8. My sister and I are power houses at any board game we play together. Pictionary, Cranium, etc. If it's a team board game and we're on the same team we always win.
9. I suck at Scrabble and my husband and in-laws love playing it. They have score sheets from years and years ago in the box and can recall any game they've played just by looking at the score sheet.
10. I know how to code HTML by hand. I was taught that way and I really struggle using WYSIWYG editors. I've had dozens of website over the years that I've designed and coded and when I had my own business, that was the bulk of the work I would do.

And for 7(8) blogs I nominate: *you can choose whether to do this one or the 8x8 one from before.

1. Lucy
2. Amanda
3. Hilary
4. Becky
5. Jess
6. Andrea
7. Beth
8. A

If you're interested here's a past "10 things" that I've done.

kroh-shey blang-kit

Chicklet got to go home today. Chicken was kind of relieved, only because she thinks this means that she'll get more than two hours sleep at a time. Between Chicklet, the doctors, the techs drawing blood, the nurses, visitors and phone calls she wasn't able to sleep very well. I don't think it's going to be much different at home (except the doctors, nurses and techs part), but we'll see how that goes. Chicklet is the first grandchild on both sides and both grandmas live pretty close, so maybe that will help?

Anyways, I wanted to show you all Chicklet's blanket. I ended up getting it done by my second deadline (mostly cause of my layover during my June trip down there) so Chicken had it in plenty of time.

This is the blanket with all 80 squares but pre-border. I did about 9 rows of treble cluster crochets all around.

I forgot to take a picture of the finished blanket but luckily Chicken posted photos of the nursery on her blog and a couple of shots had the blanket in it.

When I go down in September, I'll try to get a photo of Chicklet in it or if Chicken sends me a photo I'll post it.

6DPUIU

Chicklet was born this morning! I got a text message from Peeta that she came out weighing 9lbs 10 oz and 20 1/4 inches long! Holy crapola, that's a big baby!

My cousin J is taking his first set of vows next weekend in Trenton, NJ. Since we live relatively close to him (the rest of our family lives in Texas), we decided to head up there for the big event. J told me his parents and two of his sisters (he's got 4) are coming. It will be good to see them all. Mostly. I don't really get on with Uncle D. I might have mentioned I was a bit of a trouble maker when I was little and somehow I always dragged RR, J's oldest sister, along with me. But I'm sure it will be fine.

Round 9 v2.0 is going well. I've been having weird pains and stuff in that lower area. Mostly on the left side, but some on the right. I'm not sure what it is. Last night Kevin gave me the HCG booster shot. It was the worst shot he's ever given me! Oh! The pain! I also haven't taken a good bbt since the morning after ovulation (thurs). Friday morning I was moving around a lot and then remembered to bbt. By that time I was way up. Sat and Sun I didn't bother. Monday morning I slept in a hour past my normal temping time so it was high again. Then I took it downstairs to record them on FF and forgot to bring it back up for this morning. Kevin offered to go get it, but I just told him not to bother. I'm going to try to get in a bbt tomorrow.

I've got to go to the dentist tomorrow to get some fillings redone. I'm tempted to reschedule. With the way irregular schedule I had last week, plus knowing that next wednesday I'm going to be late because of the homestudy, I think I should hold off on any non-necessary appointments.

Okay SPOILERS here if you haven't seen HP6 (or read HP7). Highlight from here down to the next paragraph if you've seen HP6 and want to read my take.
Overall I thought the movie was good. The kids are better actors, most of the over-acting is done by insignificant side characters (*cough*LavenderBrown*cough*) and they've gotten better at cutting out the things that don't really need to be in the movies. There were just two things I didn't like. First that Ginny was the one who hid the potions book. In the book, Harry hides it, intending to retrieve it once the heat is off and so marks the spot with a bust, wig & tiara (which we learn in HP7 is a diadem). He recalls seeing the tiara in HP7 and so knows where to get it from once he realizes what it is. If he didn't hide the potions book in the this movie, how's he suppose to remember about it in HP7? The other problem I had was that there was no Hogwarts fight scene at the end. My dad saw the movie this past weekend and as he's never read the book, he thought this one was a boring. He said it needed a fight scene. I agree. Get rid of the unneeded attack on the Burrow (Hello! Where's the escape from Privit Drive/Wedding going to take place then?) and the anachronistic bridge collapse and put in the Hogwarts skirmish. Then it would have been much better. But other than that, I didn't really mind any of the other changes and thought the movie did a good job of carrying itself, both as the 6th movie in a series and standing alone.

Sunday we celebrated the 3 year anniversary in our house! These past three years have been filled! We got engaged, got married, found ourselves battling IF. I lost a grandfather and Kevin lost both his grandparents. We hosted the inlaws with no major catastrophes. We're still trying to tame the front garden and haven't gotten grass to grow in the back yard. Oh yeah, it was filled. We went to Red L.obster to celebrate. We have friends who make fun of us, claiming that RL is not real seafood, but I remember when I was little we only ever went there for special occaisions. My birthday or Dad's. And so now, when I think of special occaisions, I always think Red Lo.bster. I always get a half order of crab legs and Kevin always gets the Alfredo Linguini with Chicken. If you can't tell, we're creatures of habit.

8x8

I was tagged a while ago but I'm usually bad at these things and then I was tagged again the other day so I figured I should do this one first. This one is called 8x8.


The Rules:
Mentioned who tagged you: Lucy
Complete the list of 8’s
Tag 8 people

8 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:

1. Getting a BFP
2. Finishing our Adoption Homestudy
3. Start coaching again in the fall
4. Going on our honeymoon(ish) cruise!
5. Having a kid(s)
6. Visiting my parents in September
7. Seeing Chicklet (and Chicken) in September
8. Standing with Chicken at her wedding in June 2010.

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY

1. Went to a game night where I hardly knew anyone
2. Went to work
3. Posted on my blog
4. Went to agility with Dave & Les (and Kevin)
5. Had a really good agility class with Dave
6. Started my 2ww
7. Called R for the third time to get my follie measurements cause I kept losing them
8. Realized I needed to have sent out my passport renewal like last week and it's still sitting on the nightstand.

8 THINGS I WISH I COULD DO

1. Have a kid
2. Work from home
3. Play soccer better
4. Reach 12,000 steps in one day
5. Buy CS4 for home
6. Have a kid already
7. Make this IUI work
8. Be done with the 2ww (but only if IUI was successful)

8 SHOWS I WATCH

1. Lost
2. How I Met Your Mother
3. Medium
4. United States of Tara
5. True Blood
6. Survivor
7. Amazing Race
8. Real World/Road Rules Challenges

8 FAVORITE FRUITS

1. clementines
2. strawberries
3. green grapes
4. cherries
5. Bananas
6. pomegranite
7. pineapple
8. tamarindo

8 PLACES I’D LIKE TO TRAVEL

1. Italy
2. Greece
3. Egypt
4. Galapagos Islands
5. Japan
6. Australia
7. Vermont in winter
8. Trenton, NJ - to watch my cousin take the first of his priestly vows.

8 PLACES I’VE LIVED

1. L,Tx
2. EP,Tx
3. T,Fl
4. R,Fl
5. C,UK
6. S,Fl
7. D,Oh
8. R,Va

8 FOLKS I’M TAGGING
No one only because I'm doing this so late, but if you want to do it, then I'm tagging you.

Tomorrow I'll do the next one.

1DPIUI

Dr. Grrr didn't show up to my appt till 1pm. Apparently the ER he had before my appt hadn't gone very well. I could tell he was upset because he didn't have the usual edge that he normally does. I forgot to check on Kevin's numbers, but they didn't seem concerned. We even got to see the little swimmers under the microscope.
Before the IUI Dr. Grrr did an u/s and he said that he thinks one of the follicles might have already ovulated. My measurements were 21mm & 18mm on right and 17mm on left. I was a little sad when he said this (I'm not sure why) but then he said maybe not...it was all very weird, especially considering the mood he was in.
Afterwards I went home and read (laying down of course!) my latest book and then prepped dinner. Kevin got home and we cooked. We watched Eag.le E.ye which was a fun movie. Not nearly as scary as Ene.my of the S.tate.
Tonight I'm meeting some friends for a girls game night. It's crazy because the girl who is hosting it (I don't know her) lives on the other side of the creek that runs behind the houses across the street from me. Got that? Anways, her house is like 1300 ft away from my house (see google map picture) but because of that creek, the shortest street distance is 2.5 miles. I could walk to her house but the creek doesn't have a bridge or steady crossing. I'm looking forward to tonight. It will be a nice break I think.

IUI #2

I'm sitting here at work counting down the minutes till I can leave for IUI#2. Kevin's going with me but I'm meeting him there. Then I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off. I was willing to come back this afternoon, but Cupcake told me not to bother. I'll still sign in from home cause I'd feel guilty if anything came up.
Monday's u/s appt was scheduled for 3:30pm. But since my boss was leaving for a week long sales pitch trip he needed tons of collateral and sales material from us marketing people before he left at 2pm. I managed to get it all done (cause I skipped my lunch!) by the time he left and then with finishing up all the other things that needed to be done Monday, I ended up not leaving till 3:30. Luckily Dr. Grrr's office was nice and they saw me as soon as I got in (around 4pm). We did the u/s and they found a 22mm & 16 mm on the right and the 18mm on the left. Now I know the drugs are strong but somehow I don't think that follicles can grow 4mm overnight. It's always fustrating to go to the coverage RE's office because stuff like this always happen - they can't find my ovary, measure wrong, or I end up having to see Dr. Grrr the next day anyways. What's the point? Anyways, Dr. Grrr told me to trigger as late as possible on Monday night and then scheduled the IUI for 12:15 today. Pray that he can stay on schedule. He has an ER this morning so we might have to wait a bit. Hopefully not though.
One thing Dr. Grrr was concerned about was my E2 levels. From what I can find on the internet they should be around 150-200 per mature follicle. I had them checked on Friday and Sunday and they were 229 and 378 respectively. He said they weren't terrible numbers, but a bit low considering I have 3.
My bbt (yes I'm back at it again!) this morning was 97.45° which is a good pre-ovluation reading for me. Hopefully tomorrow it will rise! I wonder if it will be higher than normal because there are 3 follicles? And of course I'm freaking out that I won't have a temp rise. But I've made the decision that I'm going to temp the whole 2ww. I need some kind of hint which way things are going.
In other news, Chicklet will be here in less that a week! She's weighing approx. 7lbs 6 oz already! So they're planning on doing a c-section a week before her due date. I'm sad that I'll be missing it, although not having to be right there might be better for me psychologically. Also it's a bit of a relief that she's coming a week early. Otherwise she would be being born right around 14dpo. If I got a BFN it would be a double blow. I know, it's a bit selfish, but these are the thoughts in my head.

Sunday Morning

So this morning was planned down to a T. We woke at 6am and got ready. Then Kevin drove me to the hospital (for the E2 blood draw) and we were there by 7:20. I was the first one in and done quickly so that we were out the door by 7:35. There were already two other couples when I got out! We drove south of town near where the coverage RE's office is. However since we had an hour & 20 minute wait between we decided to go to IH.OP. It's one of Kevin & my's favorite breakfast venues. We stalled as much as possible but eventually we just made our way over to the RE's office. We got there around 8:40 and there were 2 ladies ahead of us. The RE was there but his nurse wasn't. She showed up about 10 to 9 and all three of us went into rooms. I was hoping that the other two would go quickly and that maybe I could make it to the river by 9:30 but of course that didn't happen. So I waited and waited and eventually around 9:30 they came in. Two follies on right, measuring 18mm and 15mm. Not much growth, grrr! And one on the left measuring 15mm. Sigh. The RE told me that he was going to call Dr. Grrr with his findings and that Dr. Grrr would give me a call to let me know what to do.

I started panicking at this point because I thought I was going to be triggering today! I was all out of HMG but I hadn't bothered to say anything to Dr. Grrr because he said we were going to trigger. So Kevin said he'd take my phone and when Dr. Grrr called, if he wanted me to do another night of HMG he would tell them I was out and arrange to pick up extra.

We left the RE's office around 9:40 and made it to the river by 10am and I just caught the rest of the class as they were preparing to go in the water. So all was good.

The class was awesome! If anyone lives in the RVA area, this is deffo a must do! At least once. Kevin and I are planning on going back for some play days if they can find room for us. And we're going to take an advanced kayaking course this winter. I'll write more about it later though.

Kevin and the dogs picked me up after the class and he told me that Dr. Grrr had called and wanted me to do another night of HMG. So he had to pick up the extra. He also said that Dr. Grr wanted to see me tomorrow. This was annoying as I have a busy day at work planned for tomorrow. Kevin was able to get me a later appt though so I should be able to get away. Hopefully.

I lied to Dr. Grrr

On Monday when I went to go see Dr. Grrr he asked me to come back on Thursday. I said okay and got a 3:00 appt. Then I got to work and realized what this meant. Come in late Monday, come in late Wednesday (for homestudy), leave early Thursday. So for some reason I thought it would be better if I could spread out the days more and really, how much could change by me coming in for a follie check the next morning instead?
On Tuesday I called R and told her that I had an out of town meeting on Thursday and that I wasn't going to be able to come in. At first she said it should be fine to come in Friday morning, but then suggested I come in Wednesday. I told her that I wouldn't be able to do Wednesday (because I'd be preparing for my OOT meeting) and so I got the first appt on Friday. I felt bad about lying, but what was I suppose to do? Every time I hesitate because of work, they act like I've got my priorities in the wrong order. Having a family is important to me but I need a job to afford these expensive cycles (and expensive kid eventually). Also I haven't told anyone at work what's up (I work with mainly men), they just see me coming in late, taking long lunches and going outside to talk on my cell phone. Nothing to be suspicious about. Right?
And then, at this morning's appt, R tells me that yesterday around 3PM they lost power for the rest of the day! So I would have left work early, arrived right as the power went out, waited around for nothing and then would have come in late today anyways! So see, it all worked out for the best.
So the follie check showed the two on the right measuring 15mm and 13mm. And then he looked on the right and there were only two! One was measuring 14mm and the second was 9mm. So he's not worried about the second one catching up to the other three so I'm all go for an IUI next week. Dr. Grrr said that we'll do another follie check on Sunday morning with a possible trigger Sunday night and IUI on Tuesday. Annoyingly the earliest appt available on Sunday is 9:20 am. This weekend I'm taking a Whitewater Kayaking course which runs 9am-5pm on both days. Hopefully the instructors will work with me on being late on Sunday.

Homestudy Home Visit

This morning I woke up with a definite list of things to do in my head. Nothing major, most of the cleaning had happened the night before. Mainly cleaning after the dogs - vacuuming their hair up, wet swiffering their drool spots off the floor/window ledge, removing nose marks from the windows. Stuff I didn't want to do till I kicked the dogs out this morning. Dave was a little annoyed with me, but she use to be an all-the-time outside dog so I don't think she's allowed to complain.
The SW got there right on time. The first thing we did was tour the house and she asked a couple of questions about the house(sq. footage, lot size, location of fire extinguishers). Some questions on locations of fire stations/hospitals. We talked about the neighborhood - our block parties, kids in the neighborhood, etc. Then she asked us a few questions about us - most of this stuff were things we put in the autobiographies/application. She told us that our clearances from Florida and Ohio had arrived, she was just waiting on the fingerprint reports. She's sending out the references today, so hopefully those we've chosen will send them back soon. After asking if we had any questions (no) we set the date/time for our last homestudy appt. This part will be the personal interviews (individual & together). We went with the last Wednesday in July. It just happened to fall on Kevin's birthday, but I didn't even realize till afterwards. He didn't say anything about it so I'm assuming he doesn't mind.
Tonight we're going to a Son.ic You.th concert in town. Kevin told me about this concert like four months ago. We haven't gotten tickets yet because he refuses to use Ticket Bastard(his nickname for TM) so hopefully we'll be able to get in.

CD8 appt

Today was the u/s appt with Dr. Grrr. I showed up a little early so that I could read my book so of course, I got seen right away. He found 4 small follicles (>4mm) on the left ovary and one 7.7mm on the right and one slightly smaller. I'm not happy with the results. Today is CD8. Last cycle I started HMG one day later, only had 4 doses (2 of those were only 225iu!) and came in one day earlier for an ultrasound and I had a 9mm follicle. This cycle I had 5 full doses (at 300iu) plus Lupron and all I got was four barely there follicles and two slightly larger follicles. Then Dr. Grrr starts talking to me about things I should start thinking about. He tells me that at most his guideline is for no more than twins. So with these 6 follies, he sees two possible scenarios:

1. Two mature and all goes as planned.
2. All six (or more than two mature).

If situ 2 happens, I either

1. do an IUI and selectively reduce to twins after the fact,
2. skip this cycle all together,
3. convert this cycle to IVF.

Hello! WTF! It's CD8! There's hardly anything there! What the heck are you talking about. I tell him that I won't selectively reduce and that Kevin and are uncomfortable with IVF so that if too many mature, we'll sit this cycle out. He then tells me that Kevin and I should come in for an IVF consultation to learn about our options and I again tell him that we're not doing IVF. He just looks at me like I'm being a moron. When I left his office I was so mad. I called Kevin to tell him about it and he was just as indignant.

So I've been reading up on the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops' teachings on "Reproductive Technologies". According to them there are seven "technologies" that are compatible with Catholic teachings. Looking at the list, we're doing okay. Some hiccups, but mainly okay. Then there's the list of what you can't do. The list is long but basically any procedure which adds a "third party" into the act of conception, or which substitute a laboratory procedure for intercourse, are not acceptable.

I was a little dismayed when I read up on this because we had just done our first IUI. The problem wasn't with the IUI itself, it was more the collection method. IUIs of "licitly obtained" (normal intercourse with a special cond.om) are still under discussion so I was considering asking Dr. Grrr about that. But judging from his behavior today I doubt he'd be open to it.

The last option we would have which is under discussion is Gamete intra-fallopian transfer (GIFT). Again, it's been neither approved nor dissapproved and requires a laproscopy, but at least I know I have one more option.

So knowing all this, I still think we're going to do an IUI this cycle. It's like Kevin says - If this is it, let's throw everything at it. I will find out about those con.doms though, but I'm not banking on them being an option. And if Dr. Grrr brings up IVF again, I'll bring up GIFT. Or Low Tubal Ovum Transfer (LTOT). Should be interesting.

Not-busy 4th

Another 4th of July at home. Sometimes Kevin and I can be really boring. We talk the big talk but we don't actually walk the big walk (actually walking out of the house!). We are such homebodies sometimes and I know we've got to break out of it.

The weekend started good. We went back to Colonial Williamsburg on Friday for their goings-on. It was interesting, the highlights being the reading of the Declaration of Independence and the Fifes & Drums playing. We got back around 7pm and even though we had planned on going climbing, by the time we unloaded and ate, we were both so tired that neither one of us put up a protest when it was suggested that we skip climbing.

Saturday we didn't do much. We worked with Les and Dave on agility stuff. Last Monday, Les was promoted to Level 7. Woo Hoo! She's entering the serious dog levels. A few weeks ago I had a talk with Kevin about his plans for Les. I told him that if he didn't want to compete with Les we were good. However if he did, then he needed to step up his game. Currently the dogs go to class twice a week, one of those times without me so Kevin has to split his time between the two. But outside of class we don't practice with the dogs (we've got jumps and weave poles in our backyard). So he started leaving Dave behind on the night I couldn't go. With Les moving up to Level 7, we talked again about the fact that if he wants to compete then he and Les need to practice every day and that he needs to get more consistent with her training and discipline. Also, he needs to train her to master new "tricks" to keep her brain engaged. So now she's got to "work" for every meal outside with Kevin. I get to watch through the bathroom window (I don't want to be outside since I could be a distraction) and just from his work over the weekend I can already see her being more intuned to his body movements (the type of agility training we do directs the dogs by your body language rather than actually yelling commands at them). Also now that Les has moved up, he can take Dave to the Level 6 class which is right after Les' Level 7 class.

We also watched the Women's Wimbledon final. I love watching matches between those sisters. I'm always reminded of me and Wiki when I see sisters who have a really strong bond but also can just as competitive with each other as they are with everyone else and at the end of the day still be good (and even compete with each other for the doubles championship).

We were going to go watch the fireworks in town, but it would have taken forever to get to, forever to find a parking space, and forever to get out of because of all the traffic. So we skipped it. Then in the Sunday morning paper learned that a park near us had a fireworks show. Bummer! We would have gone to that one!

Sunday we watched the Wimbledon final. It was great! I really wanted And.y Rodd.ick to win and felt so bad when it didn't happen. Four hours though! Whew!

A Homestudy Process

Last you heard, Kevin and I were preparing to go to our a meeting with a social worker (SW) at JFS. They had sent us the application packet prior to our meeting so at the meeting if we knew that this was the next step for us we could get started right away. Well the meeting went really well and the so we did it! Back in January we decided to go with JFS mainly for the reason that they didn't require a 3 year marriage prior to application. If so, Kevin and I would have to wait till September 2010. Anyways, in talking to the SW I just felt more and more comfortable with this agency.
That night we had to turn in quite a few things:

1. The JFS application
2. A copy of our birth certificates
3. A copy of our passports
4. A copy of our driver's license
5. A copy of our marriage certificate
6. A personal finance form
7. A copy of last year's 1040 and a few bank statements supporting the information provided in the personal finance form
8. A copy of our health and dental insurance cards
9. Names and addresses of 5 references (they couldn't be related to us and must have known us for at least 4 years)
10. Autobiographies and a self-questionnaire (this was really interesting to read since we wrote them separately)
11. A photograph of us
12. Verification of Employment (a copy of our current paychecks)
13. Sworn Disclosure
14. Corporal Punishment Policy Agreement
15. Information Release Form
16. Signed Fee Agreement Form (this is agreeing that we are going to pay)
17. Signed Fee Statement (this was a schedule of their fees that we agreed to)

Over the weekend we went to Pa.tientFi.rst to get our Medical History Forms filled out and our Virginia Child Abuse Check Forms notarized. Then during the week we had to go to the police station to get our Fingerprint Cards (Criminal Record Check) done.

We started working on a lot of these forms before we went to the meeting on the 17th. Everything else we we turned in before our appt with Dr. Grrr on the 24th. We made an appointment for our home visit on the 8th of July.

The cost for the homestudy is $1800. This seemed to be consistent with what others I've heard of have paid. They split it up into thirds that are due at the first meeting, the home visit and the last meeting. Additional costs that we've had - $20 co-pay for the Pati.entFirs.t visit for me (Kevin doesn't have a co-pay with his insurance plan), $10 Child Abuse Check Fee, $20 to get fingerprinted, $100 Fingerprint Processing (by the FB.I) fee.

I liked JFS because they are a smaller agency that tries to empower you through the whole adoption process. One of the things that struck me about both CHSVA and CCC was that after your homestudy was done, you were expected to sit and wait in a pool of all these other potential adopters, hoping that when a birth mother came in she would pick you. JFS advocates expanding your network. Make a "Dear Birthmother" packet and send it to everyone you know, parents, cousins, friends, priests, other agencies (if allowed), & ob/gyn offices. Don't be afraid to cross state lines. They talked about adoption attorneys and online placement services. They said if you knew how to do a website to put one up. For me, this just seemed infinitely better than the process at other agencies. The other two never even talked about what you could do!

So now we're waiting and cleaning! Only a week to go and I'm sure Kevin will come up with a list of things that need to be done.

CD1 - take two

So I'm not sure if I should still consider this Cycle #9 since AF is visiting again. Because of the cyst found a few Mondays ago (the 8th, CD2) I've been taking BCPs since that Wednesday (CD4). On the 24th, I went back to Dr. Grrr's office and got the all clear. I started the Lupron that night but didn't stop the BCPs till Saturday(CD21). Today is now CD 1 again. Lupron continues for another 4 days and HMG starts on Wednesday. My next appt is on Monday (the 6th, CD8). We'll then know if this Lupron/HMG trick is going to work.

I'm not really optimistic that these meds or this cycle are going to work. I've trying to stay positive because I firmly believe in mind over matter and I want to give Kevin his fair shot. I asked him what he wanted for his bday (a month from today!) the other day and he said a baby. I was kind of shocked by his answer, but over the past three weeks he's been displaying more and more signs that he wants to keep going, keep TTC. At $600-800 per cycle, I just feel the money would be better spent on the homestudy or an adoption attorney. It would be one thing if Dr. Grrr knew what was wrong with me, but if the best they can do is unexplained, what's the point?

Obsessions and Olympics

So I have a new obsession. Last Sunday when I was at the airport I visited the bookstore. This is one of my all time favorite shopping experiences and most times I can find 2-3 books that I want to read, usually succumbing to purchasing one of them, much to Kevin's ire. Anyways, last Sunday I was at the bookstore and I saw a novel that looked interesting. I took a picture of it since I'm on a new library push and when I got home I ordered it from the library. And then I found out that it's a whole series with 9 books and 5 short stories in anthologies. Well of course I want to all the read the books in order. And I don't even know if I like the books yet! Anyways, while I doing my "research" on the series, I found out it's become an cable series as well. So I check our onDemand and sure enough the whole first series was available because the second season premiere was Sunday. So I watched all twelve episodes between Friday and Sunday. This with being out of the house most of the day on Saturday. It's bad.
Saturday we spent all day at the Special Olympics. It was the state-wide competition. Kevin's company volunteers every year. It's a lot of fun and a lot of his everyday coworkers are there because the guy that organizes it is one of the IT guys. Last year when we showed up for our afternoon shift, we got to watch a few races but then the weather got so hot (over 110° F) that the medical staff couldn't keep up with all the people coming in. So they canceled the afternoon. This year Kevin signed us up for the all day shift that meant we had to be there by 6:30 am! (Grrr!) But once we got there it was awesome. We helped out with the track and field registration. Kevin and I were "runners", shuttling the actual runners between the registration desk and their waiting area. The last events were relay races and we got to go on the field and observe the baton exchanges. Some of these kids are fast! Some of the parents & coaches were saying that this year was one of the smoothest races they've ever been too. Races ran on time and we were actually done by 2pm! Usually the event organizers tell parents to be prepared to be around till 5:30pm.
Once, while I was walking back to the registration desk after having taken a runner to their tent, I saw Kevin walking with a little girl, no more than 7 or 8. As they passed me I turned to look at them. She was small, with curly hair in a ponytail and holding onto Kevin's hand tightly. It made me a little sad to see that, wondering how long it would be till it was our own child holding on to Kevin's hand. I smiled and as I turned back, one of Kevin's co-workers who was watching them told me "I'm not sure who's leading who, but my money is on her."
Tomorrow we have our initial meeting with JFS. We haven't committed yet to doing the home study, but they've sent us the application/packet just in case. We're going to bring it with us and have everything just in case we decide to go for it. The SW said they could count our meeting as the first interview of the home study if we decide to do it.

the talk

So I managed to get Kevin at a good time and I asked him what he thought our next step should be. Of course he tried to defer to me and my feelings and wishes, but I stood my ground. I told him that irregardless of me, in his heart, what did he want to do. After a while he finally admitted to me that he wants to keep trying as long as we have options. Dr. Grrr seems to think we'll be more successful if we can produce more follicles(2-3) each cycle. If it works, Kevin wants to try it out for a few months. So I called Dr. Grrr and told him to call in the order for the BCP, Lupron & HMG. We are in for another round.
On Tuesday I got a call from my Tia D in San Diego. I get occasional texts/emails from her about myGramma, cousins or uncle, but she doesn't usually call. So when I answered, she told me that she had just sent me an important email. I check my email and she had forwarded me an email from a coworker of hers about an adoption attorney in PA that she used to adopt two babies (single adoptions about a year apart). The last adoption took place in February and they had just hired him in October. Four months! Wow! So I gave him a call and we talked for a while about what services he offers, agency vs. private adoption, costs and procedures. He sound very positive and relayed the fact that he and his wife had adopted both his sons. He emailed me a few documents including a legal agreement. I then called my Tia's coworker but had to leave a voicemail. She hasn't called me back yet, so I'll try again tonight.
I had to bring it up with Kevin because with him wanting to do another round, I didn't know what this did to the adoption plans. But when I brought it up, Kevin agreed that we could start the home study at least (it's valid in VA for 3 years) and then once we know what this cycle is going to do, become more aggressive in pursuing adoption. I told him that I wanted to adopt even if we could have kids on our own, so that we don't have to stop TTC if we did adopt. He was reluctant but agreed that it might be the way we have to build our family.
So today is day two of our break. My next appt with Dr. Grrr is on the 24th. What the heck am I going to write about until then?

Body Says: It's Time for a Break!

It seems that AF found me after all. Sunday morning there she was, ready to greet me as I greeted the new day. It's official now, I had an 14 day LP. Go me. I was actually alright with it and went about the morning activities like normal. Then at breakfast myMom asked me about it. Last year when I started going to the doc more often, I told her about my having PCOS and that if I wanted to get pregnant that we would have to get it under control. We talked about it a bit and since then she's asked a few times if the medicine was working yet. Well Sunday morning when she asked me, I just burst into tears and told them everything, the medication, injections, and results. The fact that we were now pursuing adoption. They were upset, but I'm sure more concerned about me. I didn't really mean to tell them like that or right then, but when they asked it just all sort of came out. As I was leaving for the airport, myMom gave me a nice long bear hug and myDad reminded me that none of this is my fault and that I shouldn't blame myself.
Yesterday I had an appt with Dr. Grrr. Even though I was done, I wanted to go in and see about medications (BCP/Provera) I should take just to keep me regular. He wanted to do an u/s though and when we did, we found a 15mm cyst on the left ovary. So even if I wanted to keep going, I have to take a break. After the u/s we had a meeting in his office. He told me that he has no idea what's up with me. He doesn't think I have PCOS. He thinks the GYN just told me that because I'm overweight and I have irregular periods. But from what he's seen, he's pretty sure I don't. He said that for a 31 year old, taking as much of the HMG that I'm taking for as long as I take it, I should be producing lots and lots of follicles. In normal patients when this happens it's usually some form of poor ovarian reserve, premature ovarian failure or early onset menopause. However my FSH levels are normal, not even slightly disturbing. Right before ovulation, my E2 levels are within normal range as well. So he's stumped. He now wants to give me Lupron. Lupron - as in what they give to IVF candidates. Lupron combined with HMG or FSH. He said I had time to decide (because of the cyst).
When I got home, I told Kevin what happened and what Dr. Grrr said. I mentioned that we would have to take a break no matter what. And then he looked slightly crest fallen. Which surprises me as I thought he was onboard with the adoption track. Guess I'm going to have a talk with him. Which is annoying only because Kevin's stock answer to any life questions like this usually is "whatever you want" (or some variation). It's like pulling teeth to get him to admit what he actually wants.

I did it

Tidbits before I leave:

• I made it to 13DPO. Two weeks ago I was skeptical that this was going to happen. But I made it. This has be the longest, most normal LP I've had. I know with all the other stuff I've been writing about, it may seem that I'm not excited about this LP, but I am! This is another step in the right direction.
• I went ahead and POAS'd today. It was a BFN. I thought about it a lot yesterday and decided I wanted to do it. Regardless of the results, I wanted to be able to find out with Kevin around and I wanted to find out before my trip. I feel more at peace now that I know. It just felt like this great weight lifted off of me. After we knew the results, Kevin decided that I tested too early and that I should have waited till Monday like he said. What the heck! He never said that! Anyways, today involves fewer trips to check if AF has arrived or not, which is a relief.
• I have this program on my iphone that allows you to have multiple tickers up and counting. Here's what my screen looks like:
  
  I'm constantly checking in only to see that lovely 13. Yes, if you could scroll down you'd see all sorts of countdowns and countups. I'm obsessed.
• Usually as soon as I find out about a pregnancy, I immediately post congrats on my blog because that's one more point for us vs. Infertility. However two pregnancies happened recently that I chose not to mention because both ladies involved were themselves hesitant about celebrating these pregnancies. So I waited. But now they both seem convinced (kinda) so to Amanda at TTC: Impatient with PCOS and Mary at A Hopeful Unicorn a big congrats from me!
• I got offered a soccer coaching gig at a big club in RVA. This club is the rival to the club I coached at for the first two years I lived here, but I'm not that worried. I'll write a post about how this came about soon but for now, yay me!
• And last but not least. Thank you all! You've been a great and loving community during this time for me. Reading your comments has been awesome and really helped. Sometimes something would happen that would make me doubt myself/this cycle/TTC and then I'd get the perfect comment that would bolster me through. Thanks!

Going for a record!

Last night when I got home I was in a weird mood. All day I had been having twinges and even though I'd been to the bathroom numerous times, there was still nothing. Kevin and I talked a bit and one of my last statements was "We should go out for dinner." He vetoed that idea, so we went downstairs and started cooking Rach-aroni-Paella (minus the shrimp cause Kevin doesn't like them). We had just started simmering the rice when all of a sudden the power went out. It flickered back on for a few seconds and then went out again. This was about 7. Outside it had been lightning and thundering, but now the wind was howling and raining and there was even hail! We waited for the power to come back on and nothing. Finally around 8 we gave up and ordered pizza. Thirty-five minutes later we had our pizza. Right as we were sitting down to eat, the power came back on. We just smiled at each other and dug in.

So it seems that I've made it to 12DPO. I'm a little nervous and a little excited. Yesterday's bad habit of going to the bathroom every hour to check has continued. So far so good. I want to be optimistic, but not over do it. Almost like if I wish too much for it, there's no way it will actually happen. Twinges continue today. Kevin talked about testing tomorrow, but I don't know. We have one test left that I could use, so we could. It's just whether I can put myself through that.

LP craziness

Two days past my average LP. I'm happy about that, but I'm still in a funk. Not helping is that the A/C at work is on the fritz. Usually our office is cold - like wearing pants and having a sweater/sweatshirt on hand even during the summer type of cold. The past two days it's been okay, not cold, but not hot either and today it has been warm! Not as warm as outside but hot enough. I don't like the heat. I know, having grown up in the deserts of west Texas and then in the tropic of Florida for 15 years, you think I would be better acclimated for dealing with the heat. And I am. When I'm in those places. But here in RVA, I like the cool-partly-cloudy-low-80s weather. So when I don't get that, I'm not a happy camper.
Yesterday I had a dentist appt. First one in 6 years! The last job I had with insurance ended in 2003, so right before my insurance ran out I went to the dentist. Well then I was self-employed and so didn't have insurance. Thank God nothing catastrophic happened during that time and I remained healthy. In 2007 I finally got insurance again, but since it had been so long, I kept putting off going back to the dentist. And finally earlier this year I forced myself to call a dentist near work for an appointment. It took 3 months to get in, but now it's over and done with and besides replacing a few fillings, I'm free till December. At the end of the appt when I was making the next appts, I thought to myself "By the time I come back for these, I'll know if I'm pregnant or not." Then I made myself stop. I can't let myself start doing things like that.
I'm getting super excited for my trip this weekend. I'm going to get to spend the whole weekend with Chicken and myParents! I fly down Friday night and Chicken is picking me up from the airport. Then Saturday is mani/pedi, shopping & a graduation party. Sunday I fly back to RVA. It's a flying visit for sure, but I'm glad I'm able to go.
This morning on the drive to work I started having these twinges. Not that bad, just sharp pains on the right side. I ovulated on the left side, so I'm not sure what it is. However, I usually only get these pains right around ovulation/right before AF arrives. Other symptoms include tender boops. This threw me off last time as I thought for sure it was a good sign. I had them until about 2 days into the new cycle. Then it stopped for 2 weeks. And reappeared around 1DPO. So I'm not so sure anymore.
Here is my thought: I'm not pregnant. Along with the twinges have been other signs that AF is going to arrive at the end of this week. If this is true, I'd rather she show up tomorrow. Cupcake (my co-worker) is taking me to work on Friday so Kevin and I are going to be rushing around at the last minute and I won't have time for a breakdown. Yes I know, I've said we're moving on to adoption, but still, this will be it for TTC. I'll be sad. And I don't want it to be while I'm down in Florida because I don't want to have to make that phone call to Kevin. And if I last till Monday, I'll be so upset, because that would have been 16DPO. So I'll make you a deal God, Thursday or preggo, okay? Ha!
Part of me wishes that this week would just be over. I want to know how it turns out. But then there's a larger part of me that likes living with this small nugget of optimism that maybe this cycle worked. It's the part of me that won't let me test early. Won't let me take my temp. Won't let me do anything that could possibly tell me that this cycle didn't work. I wish I was brave enough to POAS, just so I could know. Last summer I saw so many BFNs that I just don't think I could handle this last one. So I'll remain a coward and just wait for AF.

9DPO

Most times I know I'm not normal. But I'm wondering if I really am when it comes to the 2ww. I'm currently 9DPIUI. And 9DPO. I'm not really sure which one I should be following, but for the sake of this post I'm going to go with DPO since that's what I have the most experience with.
Right after ovulation I'm usually in full panic mode. The stress of temping for three days, praying that my temps will go up. Trying to control my sleep conditions so that my temps are more accurate. Wondering if we timed it right. Then the panic on the third day when my temps go down (usually happens, but didn't this cycle). All sorts of fears live in my brain, usually along the I-didn't-actually-ovulate thread.
Once I've confirmed that ovulation has in fact occurred I'm at my happiest. I feel like this is it. This is the cycle that is going to go right. I produced an egg, I ovulated. Yes, I did it with drugs, but maybe someday I'll be able to do it without. We did the deed when we were suppose to. This time it worked! This euphoric feeling usually lasts about 3-4 days.
And then 8DPO rolls around and I start to get nervous. 9DPO is my average LP. I start looking for signs. In everything I do. Brushing my teeth, standing up quickly, random twinges, everything odd is a sign that this cycle didn't work yet again.
But I'm here again. And tomorrow is 10DPO. If I can make it to Friday it will be a record. Heck, if I make it to Saturday, I don't know what I'm going to do. Added to that I'm traveling down to Florida again this weekend. Which adds to the whole "test/don't test" dilemma added in with a "when to test?" Yeah, I don't like the end of the 2ww. Am I alone here?