Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Adoption Agency Search

Last night was the third Adoption Orientation(AO) that we've gone to. 
We hit the Commonwealth Catholic Charities AO in November right before Thanksgiving.  We were the only couple there. The lady kept trying to push us towards international adoption and also we were surprised by how much they were wanting to charge us.  I mean, I knew roughly what is was going to cost, but 15% of our gross income on top of all the other fees for the home study, lawyers, court, etc., was just a big surprise.  Also, they had a minimum marriage length rule. We could apply as early as our 2nd anniversary but would have to wait till our third to get on the list. That's two more years!
In December when I went to my first meeting of the Infertility Support Group, I learned about three other agencies, Children's Home Society of Virginia, Bethany Christian Services and Jewish Family Services. I sent emails to all three and waited. I got responses from BCS and JFS but not CHSVA. I emailed them again (as I saw on their website that their AO was the next week) and finally got a terse reply. So Kevin and I went to the AO and this time there was another couple present.  They had a good presentation, but again they had a minimum marriage length rule and CHSVA wouldn't even let us apply until our 3rd anniversary.  Also the women there just seemed very off putting to me. I just didn't get very good vibes from them.
Later I emailed the BCS woman back and asked about a minimum marriage rule and got no reply, so I wrote them off.
Now one of the reasons why JFS was mentioned was that a co-worker of one of the girls at the infertility support group had adopted through them.  The couple knew that they were not going to be able to have biological children when they got married and so wanted to go straight into adoption. JFS doesn't have a minimum marriage length rule and with JFS they were able to adopt before their 3rd anniversary.
Last night's AO was a bit different than the ones we had been to previously.  There were about 12-14 couples there, even a few non couple people.  First they had an adoption attorney speak, then a couple who adopted 10 month old twin girls in October and finally the social worker spoke.  The adoption attorney was funny because she kept saying that she wasn't going to go into specifics and then would proceed to do it.  The couple who adopted was great. They talked about the process, their feelings, even their decision to adopt a Caucasian child then reversal of that decision (the girls are bi-racial) and finally what's been going on since then.  It was really nice to hear their story.  The Social Worker was great and she was very warm and friendly. At the end of the meeting her and another social worker told us that they were willing to stay even later (the meeting ran for 2 hours!) if any couples wanted to get started that night with the application process. I knew by then that when we're ready to adopt, we're going to go with JFS. I just had this feeling that we fit.
For now, Kevin and I have decided not to make any decisions yet.  We're going to see how this cycle goes, but ultimately it's going to be the appointment with our new RE that needs to be in the mix before we decide what's the next step for us.
Speaking of this cycle, I'm at 10DPO! Yay! Double digits! I'm ignoring any twinges, cramps or other symptoms because I don't want to get my hopes up, or conversely, convince myself that I'm not pregnant. I started back temping today it was an okay temp. I still haven't decided when I'm going to POAS. Part of me would rather see AF show up than see a negative HPT


Erin said...

Love that you found an agency that made you feel so comfortable should you choose to go down that road. I can only imagine how important that is in the process. I think it's great that they had a couple there to talk openly about the process too.

Good luck with this cycle and I'm so glad I found you on ICWL this month!

Becky said...

Yeah for finding an agency you fit with, what a journey!!!!

Stay far far away Aunt flow (this is what my husband calls my period, always makes me laugh!!)

Andrea said...

How exciting! That agency sounds great and I'm so glad you will go with them when the time comes. I'm interested to hear about this because Matt and I have talked about adopting someday too.

Soralis said...

Wishing you luck with your wait!

Glad to hear you found an adoption agency that works for you.

Take Care


Anonymous said...

That's great you found an agency that you feel comfortable with! I'm surprised that CC was pushing you toward international since international adoptions have been so slow and difficult lately! Best of luck for the rest of your 2ww ... my 2 cents is don't pee on the stick. In my experience those things are like magic 8 balls :)

Kim said...

I am sending you strength to stay away from the peestick. I agree that AF is somehoe easier to handl than a BFN. Keeping my fingers crossed for your 2ww. ICLW

Hillary said...

So glad you found a good fit!! How exciting! :)

littleangelkisses said...

sounds like you found a place you feel comfortable, a great start! Wishing you the best!


GINA and KEV said...

It's important to find an agency you're comfortable with. I'm glad you found yours.

Good luck on this cycle too!


Cassandra said...

re: what you said in your ICLW intro (since I can't comment directly on that)

It's funny that you say that you believe that you shouldn't get married until you're ready to have kids. I believe that most people should wait to have kids until they've been married for a few years (assuming that age doesn't demand that they start trying sooner). Unless a couple doesn't choose to get married at all, which is fine with me but apparently not fine with the adoption agencies.

Happy ICLW!

~Jess said...

That's great that you found an agency! I wasn't impressed with BCS: Like you, I emailed and didn't get a response to my question.

Thanks for your comment on my blog. I'm thinking about you guys as you get to the end of your 2ww.