AF, Agility and Soccer

Do you find that even though AF shows up, you somehow justify her presence as something other than another failed cycle. Lately, I try to find any excuse/cramp/twinge as a sign that this is just random and that I really am KU. Intellectually I know that it's over, but emotionally it always takes me like a week to get it. And it doesn't help that the past few cycles AF has been kinda flighty and barely even here. What happened to my nice normal visits?
In other news, Dave has completed Level 4 and now she and Les are back in the same classes. She'll only be going to one Level 5 class a week though because my bible study group is starting their next session next week. Actually we were suppose to start this week, but the snow has postponed everything. Anyways, it's on Tuesdays so Dave is just gonna have to work twice as hard on Thursday's Level 5. Our other class of the week is going to be Wednesday's Level 3 class. I'm bringing Dave down a level to work on some of those missing fundamentals that she doesn't have yet. I'm hoping in the long run it will benefit her.
I use to play on a co-ed and womens 30+ indoor soccer teams last year. I started in March with the co-ed team for the spring session. A co-worker of mine, A, wanted to put together her own team so she asked me to play as well as two other co-workers and the husband of another co-worker. It was a lot of fun and we did well, going undefeated during the season and even winning the EOS tournament.
The team decided to move up a division for the next session in June and then A asked me to be on a womens 30+ team she played on. I said okay and so over the summer, I played on both teams. Towards the end of the season, I noticed a shift in the attitudes and friendliness of the other players on my co-ed team. Towards me. Now I'm not the best player. The last time I played competitively I was about 75 lbs. lighter and even then, I was never a starter. However I am a damn good cherry picker. Give me the ball in the upper quarter and I'll get it in the back of the net. Now the team was still good, undefeated in regular season (and went on to win the EOS tournament again). About a week before the regular season ended, A told me that the team was disbanding. Several players were joining other teams or just taking a break. I said okay, sad that the team was not going to be any longer, but thankful to at least have my women's team.
Then a little birdie told me that actually the team wasn't disbanding, they just didn't want me on the team anymore. See they were planning on moving up a division again and pretty much thought of me as dead weight. I was devasted. And not because of being dropped. I could accept the choice they made both as a player and as a coach, what upset me so much was that A lied to me. To my face, a stupid and really bad lie. I had thought A and I were becoming friends, even going to lunch a few times a month and hanging out after work. At that point I could understand having to do what she did as the captain/manager, but she shouldn't have lied to me. Honestly if they had told me that they were moving up a division, I probably would have bowed out at that point. I knew in my heart of hearts that I would have never been able to keep up.
However by the time I found out what really happened, I had already signed up (and paid) to play again on the womens 30+ team and so I couldn't back out of it. I considered changing teams within the league, but really I didn't want to have to explain to that team captain/manager that I no longer wanted to play with her star player. So I played the Fall session. The team dynamic had also changed. I had issues with how certain players (not A) played the game and how vocal they got towards me and other players. I didn't really like playing with them and I didn't really want to play with A anymore. Things were a bit tense but I lived through it and at the end of the season I claimed some excuse for not playing in the holiday or winter session and said that if I did come back that it wouldn't be until the 2009 summer session.
Back in January, A approached me one day at work (we never talk anymore, only when we have to for work) and asked if I was able to come back to the womens team yet. She lamented that the team couldn't score anymore. I was noncommital and just shrugged it off. Then about a month ago she asked me again. I was missing playing at this point and had been considering signing up. My plan at that point was to sign up as a single player and then be assigned to another team. So I told her that I might and that to let me know when sign-ups were closer and I would probably do it. I figured she would "forget" and I could just say that I wanted to play again and since I never heard back from her, I joined another team.
Well last week she told me that our 30+ league was turning into a 25+ league. Also they were splitting the league up into two divisions, competitive and recreational. The team we played for was doing the recreational side. She also mentioned that players couldn't play in both divisions so that we were losing a few players because of that. The players mentioned were some of the players that I didn't like playing with. I started to reconsider. Yesterday she sent me an email asking if I was able to play on the team or not. The season starts in two weeks so they needed to build the roster. I went to talk to her and asked her if it was possible to put Wiki on the team so that she could play in the game while she was here and A said it would not be a problem. So I went ahead and signed up. Afterwards she said something about if the team does well, then they'll move up for the summer session, so I can use that as an excuse to move teams (if need be) claiming that I want to stay in rec. She also mentioned that one of our former co-ed teammates was also going to be on the team. I'm not looking foward to that, but hey at least I'll be playing again, and I've got a better exit strategy.