Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Seriously, they are hurting! I don't ever think they've been this sensitive before. It all started Tuesday afternoon. I noticed that the girls were responding to accidental bumps (I'm a D cup so accidental bumps happen all the time!). I thought maybe it was because of my soccer game on Monday and how much running I did in that game. And then on the way home last night from BSC I started cramping up and seriously was concerned that AF was coming. Which is totally awkward because I didn't even know that I ovulated! And then this morning my temp went way up to 98° which is weird. I'm not sure what the heck is going on but whatever, I'll take what I can get.
Last night Les and Dave got promoted to Level 6! They'll now be doing agility outdoors! They're still not 100% consistent but they get better all the time. I'm kinda afraid what's going to happen in September (they're spending the month with my parents down in Florida) but hopefully they won't slide backwards too much.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
That's right! I'm no longer slave to that IF ritual every morning. No more waking myself (and Kevin) up at 6 am on Saturdays and Sundays just so I can take a freaking temp that always depresses me. This weekend: Friday my temp was in my normal range at 97.4°. Saturday it jumped up to 98.0°. Yes! I ovulated. Then Sunday it dropped to 97.6°. WTF??? And today it was 97.7°. Both of those are below my 97.8° usual coverline. I've got a couple of theories which include the current heat wave in RVA (it was 94° on both days!) and missing winter blankets (did i mention it was 94° each day this weekend?). But now I'm thinking that I might call my doctor and request a P4 test for this Saturday.
Last Thursday evening we went round to #25 to drop off a Lasagna Stoup we made for them. Good thing we did! Visiting at the time was their MIL and BIL as well as a neighborhood kid who was playing with their 4 year old. I sat next to Mr. #25 to get a look at the new kiddo and he asked me if I wanted to hold him. Can I just tell you a wave of sheer panic overcame me. I think I answered something along the lines of "No! I don't hold babies, just look at them." BIL shared that he was afraid of holding the baby too and that it took a while for him to get use to it. But the fact that the first emotion I felt was panic made me question if I am ready for a baby? I've never been a newborn baby fan - I fall in love with them when they're like 5/6 months old. What the heck am I going to do?
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday I went back into Dr. G's office. I was kind of apprehensive about going in because all weekend I'd been having ovary pains. But on the right side where the wimpy follicle was not on the left side where the two super follicles were. At the u/s we looked at the left side first and Dr. G was not impressed. The follicles had barely grown and in fact more follicles were getting bigger but the two big ones from Friday had pretty much stayed the same size. Then he looked on the right side and that 7mm follicle had jumped to be 12mm! Great growth, but still on the small side considering I was on CD14. Course of action: up my daily injection from 150iu to 225iu and come back on Wednesday for another u/s. Dude! I have a job! I can't keep taking time off to come in for an u/s! But whatever, of course I'm going in today.
So baby news: Last wednesday #25 had their baby. A little boy. They came home on Saturday and put a big stork in their yard. I've already talked to them and mentioned I would like to cook them a meal so I'm waiting for them to tell me when is a good night. Tuesday my co-worker's wife was induced. They're having a little girl. I haven't heard the details yet, but I'm sure pictures of her/them will be posted on the board in the break room (this is what happened last year when two other co-worker's wives had their kiddos).
This spring, the BSC I go to has been working through Beth Moore's Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life. I've been having issues with this study for various reasons but this past week was Week 6 which I had a problem with nearly every day. First off, in the second day in she makes a sweeping declaration that "practically every little girl has at least four dreams: 1) to be a bride, 2) to be beautiful, 3) to be fruitful (which we usually define as having children), and 4) to live happily ever after." As someone who didn't grow up wanting to be a bride or have my own kids, it really rubbed me the wrong way. And yes, I know she said "practically" but it didn't read that way when I first came across it. I know I've changed my mind and I did do the first and am trying to do the third, but it just bothered me. Anyways, I was really interested in what the day that covered topic three was going to be like and it was a mixed bag. There were some great parts, "Infertility offers fertile soil for shame." and accordingly "Remember, shame is Sa.tan's game." Which confirmed decisions I had made for myself about dealing with this whole struggle. But the rest of the daily just seemed dismissive, that while we might not be able to have physical children, we'll be blessed with spiritual children (based on Isaiah 54:1-3). Children who are not our own but who we've been able to help guide and shape spiritually. I've coached, I've taught, mentored and just befriended lot of kids who still keep in touch now that they've become teenagers and young adults. And you know what? It's not the same. Maybe it's just little of me and maybe I'm not opening myself up to what God might have intended for me but I in no way believe that I'm going to be fine with that if Kevin and I go through life being a family of two.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My appt was in the morning yesterday. Kevin went with me since it was his work-from-home day. Did I mention that he now gets to work from home one day a week? So unfair. Anyways Dr. G had no problems finding my right ovary. I has one 7mm follicle but he didn't seem too excited about it. Then he found the left and there were two follicles. One was 10mm and the other was 9mm. He seemed to like those better. He then announced that I would need to continue the HMG injections till Monday when I'm suppose to come back in. Frick! I thought I was done.
While we were doing the u/s, they were asking Kev how he was doing with giving the injections. Then Dr. G told us a story about a husband that once threw one at his wife like a dart. Dr. G was laughing so hard he could barely tell the story. It was cute.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Since I was little, I've always loved roller coasters. And the best part of the free fall is screaming all the way down. I've also noticed that if you yell while you're getting a shot, it doesn't hurt as much. Of course, warn the person that is giving you shot that you're going to scream and that they shouldn't panic or think they're doing something wrong. You're just screaming so that you're not thinking about the shot you are enduring. It doesn't hurt as much. At least that's what I've convinced myself.
Tonight was my last HMG shot. No more until next month (if this month doesn't work). All day today I've been having weird ovary pains. At least I think they're ovary pains. Tomorrow I go in for an appt with Dr. G to see what state my ovaries are in and what is the next step. I'm hopefully optimistic.
I'm on square 71 of Chicklet's blanket. I was hoping to have it done this past weekend, but now I'm shooting for this weekend.
I'm so glad it's finally going to be Friday! This week has gone by so slowly. Hope you all have a great weekend.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Today was the HSG (Hysterosalpingogram for those of you wondering). I was surprisingly not nervous about it. I showed up about 45 minutes early to get checked in. I got one of those cool patient bracelets. Once that was done I walked myself down to the radiology department. I was in the waiting room, just pulling out my book and they called me up. I then got moved to another waiting room. I settled down and pulled out my book and they called me again. This time I was in the actual x-ray room. I changed, got my book out again and about 5 minutes later, Dr. G walked in.
Once I actually laid down on the table, that's when I got nervous. But Dr. G was great, talking me though everything that he was doing. Even waving gauze at me telling me he was getting ready to use it. It hurt in the beginning, but pretty soon there wasn't really pain, just pressure. I got to see what was happening on a screen. I saw the dye go through the uterus and the fallopian tubes. The left one spilled out pretty fast. All Clear. The right one was a little blocked and Dr. G injected more dye and evenutally it spilled out. All Clear...Now. It was not lost on me that the right ovary has been the power player this whole time and the left ovary reluctant to do much of anything. I just love how my body keeps jinxing itself.
As I was leaving Dr. G made some comment about this cycle possibly working now that we've done this and cleared everything up. I kind of wish he didn't say anything because of course as soon as I got back to work I had to look it all up. According to this website:
There is some evidence that suggests that there is an uptick in fertility for the three cycles after the HSG.I found some other websites that say the same thing.
The HMG injections started yesterday. They're not that bad. The worst part is the actual injecting the stuff in. It burns! Only three more days though!
In other Monday news: We won our indoor soccer game - 11-1. I scored two goals and had 2 or 3 assists. One assist off a corner I kicked in. Their lone goal came from a kick-off that caught our goalie too far from her line.
Also, we finally filed our taxes! We had to pay around $3,000 because Kevin messed up his withholdings during the year somehow. Did you know that if you owe more than $1000 you have to pay penalties on it? Yikes! This is the first year I've ever had to pay more than a couple hundred! I had my own business before so I got away with owing next to nothing and then with the deductions and write offs, I usually only had to pay a couple of hundred total for the year's taxes (since I was self employed, I didn't make regular payments through out the year like normal people do in their paychecks). Kevin has had the taxes done for ages, but always wants to double and triple check them before he sends them off.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
I finally started Chicklet's blanket when the family visited. It's cream colored although the photography makes it look white. It's a combination of treble and double crochet clusters, following a flower motif. I'm making little squares and then joining them up to make the blanket. Here's the basic block:
And here's a set of five:
I'm making eight rows of ten, here's the first row:
Doubled to be twenty squares:
And half the blanket (40 squares):
I'm currently on square 65 of the 80. I'm going to put a border around the whole thing. I'm trying not to make it too big. Four years ago, I made one for Tommy K (Wiki's godchild) and it was way too big. If this one gets big as well, I'll make a smaller every day one. As soon as I get to 80 (hopefully this weekend) I'll post an updated picture.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I called Dr. G yesterday to let them know that I was on CD1. They made an appointment for me to come in for a Menses Test. My first though was "Don't you think I know what AF looks like?" It ocurred to me later that it was probably an u/s. And I was right. Everything looks good on both ovaries, although he had trouble finding the right one again. My HMG & HCG still haven't come in yet, so they "lent" me some that I can replenish when my stuff comes in. Of course the HMG has to be given in the behind by Kevin with the big a$$ needle (1 1/2 inches!). I'm suppose to start Sunday and continue till Thursday and then go back in for an u/s on Friday.
I had to remind Dr. G again that he agreed to do an HSG this cycle. I had to remind them yesterday too. Considering that I had to convince them to do it, I'm getting annoyed that they keep forgetting about it. Of course, I know that I have to remember that while I might know my case and history by heart, I can't expect them to know my case the same way. Anyways it's on Monday. I very clearly asked them if I needed to take anything beforehand and they said no! J. said "It will be over in 15 minutes, you should be find afterwards." ooooookay.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
You know, that one episode that's totally from left field and when you're done watching, you're kind of like "huh?" Ya, that's me in my IF life. Tonight when I was getting ready for bed I discovered that AF had made her appearance! Talk about unexpected, unwelcomed and unprepared! So now I have to call Dr. G. again. I called him today at lunch and he was not happy that I was not taking Provera. He kept stating over and over again that I was suppose to have started provera two Fridays ago. I should be calling him with news of AF's arrival. Well now I can. I know God has a plan, but really, sometimes I'm at a loss.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Friday: take 1 provera, get positive OPK;
Saturday: BBT of 98.1 - know that it's possibly higher due to the provera I took the day before.
Sunday: BBT of 97.5 - not great, but not too low
Monday: BBT of 97.2 - really low, my average coverline is 97.8
So that's where I'm at. I'm not sure what to do or think. Did the provera cause a false positive OPK? Did it cause my body not to ovulate? For good or just delay it? Should I stay under the assumption that I did ovulate and do the 2WW? Or do I go ahead and say f*ck it and take the other 9 pills of provera?
Kevin wants to assume that I did ovulate. He says that the OPK was really dark and if my hormones were preparing for ovulation that we should go on that. Also he swears that he was cold last night/this morning and he thinks it is too soon to switch to our summer blankets.
I'm open to any suggestions...
Sunday, April 5, 2009
But this weekend saw a slew of posts going up. I'm developing this habit of starting a post and then getting really busy so I figure I'll finish it later. Then I think of something else to write and so I start another post the next day and then all of a sudden it's three days later, I've got three unposted unfinished entries and I need to get them out for today's post to make any sense. So yes, they are backdated, but it's the only way I can keep everything organized.
My temp today was not in the optimal area. Lower than I would have liked, but higher than pre-ovulation. So much so that if I do get that rise on Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday, FF will likely decide that I ovulated Sunday instead of Saturday. Then again, if I don't see a rise by tomorrow then I think I'm going to just give up on this one and move on to Cycle #7.
This weekend has been pretty boring for us. A lot of relaxing and watching TV, although I've still not finished watching the finale of ER. I did catch the WPS game and it was pretty good. I didn't realize that Heather M.itts and Kelly Sm.ith were both on the Breakers team. They are both ex-Charge players so I might have to switch my allegiance. We'll see.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Today myDad turns 55! Wow! Hope he has a good one.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I finally got the fax on Tuesday evening. I was able to get a payment method sorted out but didn't send it off till Thursday. I've been kind of weird ending this cycle. Normally when I know a cycle is over, I'm usually wanting to fast track getting the next cycle started but this cycle I've been dragging my feet ending it. Also since my appt last Thursday I've had cramps and twinges on the left side. I just feel like if my left ovary is finally working I should let nature take it's course. It wasn't until yesterday that I finally picked up my provera Rx and I was still hesitant to use it. I knew they were going to ask me about it at the appt this morning so I just broke down and took a pill with breakfast.
The appointment this morning went okay. I can't believe I've gotten to the point where I'll be injecting myself with stuff and have Kevin injecting me with stuff. They had us practice so I got to stab myself with a needle in the stomach. I had to look away. I couldn't watch myself do it, but once it was in, I was okay. Kevin did well giving me a shot on my backside. R. even commented that he showed no hesitation stabbing me with a 2 1/2 inch needle. She said that was really good because it would cause me less pain. I'm not sure how I feel about Kevin not being hesitant. I guess I should count myself lucky. I guess.
Then today when I got home I decided on a whim to take an OPK. And it came out positive! Like right away positive. I was pretty sure that provera wouldn't cause a false positive. So I'm taking it as a sign to not take the provera. If my temps don't have a sustained rise by Tuesday then I'll start the Provera again. And yes I know I can't trust tomorrow's reading because the provera I took this morning will skew it too high. But still I'm hopeful. Also, Kevin wants me to call Dr. G and talk about getting some LP support during this 2ww since I've had short ones before.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Monday morning I got into work determined that I was gonna call R. as soon as possible and find out why she left me such a crappy message. I ended up getting sidetracked, but then R. called me. At first she was totally like "you left me a message on Friday?" and it took a while for her to remember that she called me first. Arg! I have a feeling I'm going to be feeling like that a lot with R. Anyways, she had my results: 0.8! WTF?!? That's like worse than worse. I was hoping for something positive. She said that she called in Provera to my pharmacy, we should order the HMG & HCG and come in that week with Kevin for an injecting lesson. I was like Woah! I told her that before I went and spent all that money on this stuff that I wanted an HSG done first. I figured that I've ovulated twice this year and that nothing has happened so that I wanted to know that all this plumbing worked before we took the plunge into the land of injectibles. She agreed with me and said she would talk to Dr. G.
About two hours later Dr. G called me himself and said that he agreed about the HSG and that once AF came, that I should call and we could schedule the procedure. He then said that he still wants me to do the injectibles. I agreed. About two hours after that, R. called me and wanted my credit card information so that she could order the HMG & HCG. But they only took visa, which Kevin and I don't have. She wanted to fax the Rx to me so that I could call them and arrange payment. My only fax machine is my computer and it's totally not set up to receive anything. I told her that I would be home around 5:35 and could set it up then. She said she would wait and then fax it to me. Well she calls me at 5:20 and says that she's gonna try sending it to me and she thought I would be home by now. Hello! Do you not listen? So I missed the fax. And because I was rushing to get home, I didn't stop by the pharmacy to pick up the provera.
That night was also the second Monday night BSC. I was totally unprepared for it but it was a good class with lots of great discussions. I'm determined to get all the coursework done this week. Also at 10pm I had my second soccer game of the season. It was okay, but we tied 5-5. I only scored once and I don't even think I had an assist. Although I did play a majority of the game which was weird cause we had 6 subs, so we each should have only played half. I guess D. really wanted to win. We were losing at half time and took the lead in the second half. But then with about 5 minutes to go, let them come back with a tying goal.