Cycle the 8th

**After finishing this post I realized how long it is. I'm sorry! Thank you if you read all the way through. If you don't, I won't be offended.

Okay I've mentioned several times that I have always felt a calling to adopt. Before thoughts of TTC, before Kevin, heck before I grew up, I always wanted to adopt. I don't know if I innately knew that I would have trouble TTC or if God gave me a nudge to help me cope with IF, but it's always been the plan. Kevin not so much. Not that he was against adoption but he always thought of it as something you did if you couldn't have kids. So back in Jan/Feb when we went to the JFS adoption workshop and had our first appt with Dr. G, we agreed to give Dr. G a few months/cycles and if nothing happened, go ahead and start the adoption process. So in a way I've been looking forward to this cycle, if only because it means that we can move forward with adoption if it fails. That's sounds horrible doesn't it? It's just hard to give up your dreams or keep having to put them off. And for me the dream was having kids, not getting pregnant.

CD4 - Monday

I return to RIC and in my email inbox is my receipt for the HMG & HCG. $600!!! Oh. My. Goodness. That's a lot of dough. That's 3 return flights down to Florida to visit my parents. Just shy of a return flight to England. It's almost 6 months of agility lessons. For both dogs. It's a lot of money just so that I can might possibly get pregnant. And that's if it works this time. I've ovulated 4 times this year and still I'm not pregnant. I'm more than ever convinced of my calling to adopt. I feel like I'm wasting my time and money with the RE, this is not going to work. So when I get home and talk about it to Kevin, I tell him that I'm done. I'm so over these endless trips to the RE, my obsession with CM, CDs & BBT, the mounting bills, and mostly my body stubbornly refusing to produce better results with more powerful medicine. I tell him that this is the last medicated/assisted cycle. I know he's not ready for adoption, but I'll wait and when he is ready, we'll start the adoption process. He says okay and then proceeds to give me my first shot of HMG.

CD5, CD6 & CD7

Nothing major TTC-wise happened on these days. Got the shots like normal, nothing disturbing. Non-TTC wise I got in a car accident on Wednesday (CD6). Everyone was fine, no injuries. It involved one slow moving car backing out of a parking space (me) and another car cruising for a parking spot and stopping right behind said backwards-moving car. I totally didn't see the other car until I felt the crunch of the cars colliding. In moving forward back into my space, my back bumper was ripped off. I dropped off my car at the body shop on Thursday and since then, we've been a one-car family again. Except it's more annoying this time around.

CD8

My big appointment. It was scheduled for 8:30am. We were going to be able to see what twice the dosage had done for me. I show up at Dr. G's office and R greets me with a "What are you doing here?" Apparently Dr. G went on vacation early. And somehow mixed up what Friday my appt was so then the staff couldn't call me to reschedule or send me to the coverage RE's office. So after some phone calls & checking charts, it was decided that I should go see the standin RE. Whose office doesn't open till 9am and is across the river. J gets me an appt at 9:40am and I head across town. I got to see a new RE for my u/s. He found a 6mm and 9mm follicle on my left ovary and couldn't see anything on the right. I was kinda upset at this because last cycle lefty showed up early and then fizzled out. Plus nothing on the right! Anyways, he bumped me back up to 300ius HMG for the next three injections and made an appt for me on Monday. This left me in a bit of a predicament. I only had 6 vials (75iu) at home. So I call J to find out what to do and she says that she has some she can lend me but that I'll need to pick them up by noon. No problem! Today is Kevin's work from home day so he can just swing by around noon to pick them up. I call Kevin. He reminds me that I have the only car. Ugg! So I call J back even more panicked. I tell her there's no way I can travel back to their office to pick up the meds (I'm already an hour late to when I said I'd be at work) and that Kevin doesn't have a car. She suggests that she leave them in a bag with my name on it and taped to the door. I can pick them up when I get out of work (again an hour later than normal because the appt took so long). I see no other option so I agree. Hopefully nobody will swipe my meds. Then about 2pm Kevin callls. He had ridden his bike down to the office (6 miles each way) and picked up the meds so they were now safely at home. Crisis averted.

CD9 & CD10

HMG injections continue. They're getting more painful and I'm now bleeding a bit. My mail-order Rx finally come in.

CD11

This u/s (at coverage RE's office cause Dr. G is still on vacation) is scheduled for 12:20pm but the RE is late so I end up not seeing him till 12:40. He sees a 10mm and 13mm follicle on left but can't find the right. After several minutes he gives up. He has me stay on 300ius and says that he thinks that if I do an IUI, it will probably be at the weekend. However he's concerned that he can't find my right ovary so he wants me to go see Dr. G the next day (when he's back). After a whole afternoon of back and forth with J about the necessity of me coming in on Tuesday vs. Wednesday/Thursday I finally cave and agree to come in on Tuesday. I just thought it was silly because really, how much could it grow in 1-2 days if there wasn't anything there on Friday. But whatever.

CD12

I show up to Dr. G's office armed with my HMG (to replenish the office meds). When Dr. G figures out that I just saw the RE the previous day, he asks "What are you doing here today then?". Grrr. So u/s again and lefty has a 15mm follicle and righty (after a bit of looking!) has a 9mm follicle. 300ius for the next two days and I should come back on Thursday. I know they're trying to stay on top of this follicle situation, but seriously, I. have. work! That evening when I'm about 5 minutes away from home (and 30 minutes away from work) I realize I've left my HMG in my desk drawer. I rush back to work and then home, arriving an hour and fifteen minutes past my normal time for my injection. I end up missing the BSC baby shower for one of the ladies. Worst of all I subject my BSC & CISG buddy, S, to being there alone because I have no way of getting ahold of her to tell her I'm missing the class. Here I was looking forward to her being there with me because we could deal together and I abandon her. Luckily she forgave me when she found out what happened.

CD13

HMG still painful and bleeding. What the heck is Kevin doing?

CD14

My appt was at 11:30 originally but J called and asked me to come in 15 minutes early. I show up by 11:20 and there are two people in the waiting rooms as well as the exam rooms full. Seems Dr. Grrr (his new nickname!) is running late and has an office full of patients. At noon (when I told work I'd be back) I'm finally shown to an exam room and it takes another 10 minutes before Dr. Grrr shows up. Lefty is sporting an 18mm! Dr. Grrr says I'm ready and that I can trigger that night and have an IUI on Saturday. He comments again how I only produced 1 follicle even though we doubled the meds. According to him I should have follicles everywhere! Hello what about the fact that I have a 18mm follicle on CD14 when that usually doesn't happen till CD20 or so? Anyways, I'm a bit nervous about triggering 2 days before the IUI so I wait until right before midnight to get the HCG.

CD15

No more regular injections! Plus it's Friday! Plus I didn't ovulate (for once a good thing)!

CD16

Kevin goes in for his pre-appt at 8am and then comes home. We watch a bit of TV and then head to coverage RE's office (the same one I saw on Monday) for our noon apppt. IUI was painless, but uncomfortable. About 20 minutes after the procedure we were sent home. The RE said I could go back to normal activity. Pssshaw! I took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day and took the rest of the day way easy.

CD17, CD18, & CD19

BBTs are up which means I ovulated on Saturday. Awesome!

CD20

Today. I'm also 4DPIUI and 4DPO. Kevin keeps saying that DPIUI stands for dots per inch-user interface. Oh that funny guy! Tomorrow is the HCG booster (5000ius) to help my LP. As of right now it's the last shot ever.