Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I Told Work

Well not everyone. I told my boss and the HR lady. Cupcake had known for a while now. It's strange that the more you open up about the struggles you have the more people open up about their struggles. One is six couples deal with infertility and somehow we're suppose to keep it secret from the real world. I remember when I would tell close family about my issues, they would immediately blame my age, weight, stress and I would just think about those of you who don't have those issues and still struggle. It would make me mad when the RE kept going back to my weight as a cause and while I agreed that my weight didn't help matters, the problems I had were there before I became overweight so I had to push for him to find another reason. Still, I'm not completely satisfied that we know what's going on in there. Maybe we found a fix, but we didn't find a cure.

Even though I was rooting for GV to be a girl I was apprehensive about it actually being true. Infertility runs in on myDad's side of the family. My grandmother had multiple miscarriages and of her three daughters: Tia T also had miscarriages (but did have 7 children), Tia E was never able to have kids (she adopted) and Tia C never got married so who knows what would have happened there. The problems I have are very similar to what I know my tias went through. I know my sister is just as irregular as I am and the few female cousins from Tia T that I've shared my struggles with have similar problems. So when the tech told us that GV was a boy I just felt this relief.

And then the realization that I had no idea how to deal with a boy came over me. I mean I've had boy cousins, but most of them never lived in the same city as I did. The ones that did were roughly the same age as me so I didn't deal with them as babies. I think I'm going to have to fake my way through it.

Also I have a confession to make. I've never changed a diaper. Never. In my life. I didn't really do a lot of babysitting and most of those kids were potty trained. My cousins that did need changing always had a sister that was my age so they just did it. I moved away from extended family when I was 13 so no more baby cousins to deal with. I worked in a day care twice and the first time I wasn't allowed to changed diapers (because of my age) and the second time the youngest kids I watched were 3-4 year olds.

When I think of GV as a toddler I'm okay. When I think of him as a newborn it scares the crap out of me.

4 comments:

A said...

Of course we are just praying for a CHILD, but if I could pick, I'd have a boy first!! So I'm living vicariously through you. You could always call my aunt- she has 3 boys before K!! I'm sure she'd love to meet you for coffee or something to give you boy tips!!

Priscilla said...

I hear that boys are supposed to be more laid back babies and are ultimately "easier." Well that's at least the advice I've gotten from a couple friends and my sister who has two girls and one boy. She said her boy was by far the easiest...who knows!!

I know how you mean though about feeling a little nervous for all that's to come with a newborn!! I have changed almost zero diapers and wasn't much of a sitter either. I guess we're just gonna have to live it and learn it!! At least we'll have this blog community to swap stories with each other!! :)

Way to tell your boss!! I bet it feels good to get that conversation over with!!

Beth said...

You'll be a great Mom! As daunting as it seems, within a few years, you get the hang of it. :)

~Jess said...

You'll do fine...with boys you just have to remember they can pee straight up in your face...gotta keep that thing covered ;-)

I'm glad you're doing well. Isn't it such a stress relief to finally have told work?