Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Body Says: It's Time for a Break!

It seems that AF found me after all. Sunday morning there she was, ready to greet me as I greeted the new day. It's official now, I had an 14 day LP. Go me. I was actually alright with it and went about the morning activities like normal. Then at breakfast myMom asked me about it. Last year when I started going to the doc more often, I told her about my having PCOS and that if I wanted to get pregnant that we would have to get it under control. We talked about it a bit and since then she's asked a few times if the medicine was working yet. Well Sunday morning when she asked me, I just burst into tears and told them everything, the medication, injections, and results. The fact that we were now pursuing adoption. They were upset, but I'm sure more concerned about me. I didn't really mean to tell them like that or right then, but when they asked it just all sort of came out. As I was leaving for the airport, myMom gave me a nice long bear hug and myDad reminded me that none of this is my fault and that I shouldn't blame myself.
Yesterday I had an appt with Dr. Grrr. Even though I was done, I wanted to go in and see about medications (BCP/Provera) I should take just to keep me regular. He wanted to do an u/s though and when we did, we found a 15mm cyst on the left ovary. So even if I wanted to keep going, I have to take a break. After the u/s we had a meeting in his office. He told me that he has no idea what's up with me. He doesn't think I have PCOS. He thinks the GYN just told me that because I'm overweight and I have irregular periods. But from what he's seen, he's pretty sure I don't. He said that for a 31 year old, taking as much of the HMG that I'm taking for as long as I take it, I should be producing lots and lots of follicles. In normal patients when this happens it's usually some form of poor ovarian reserve, premature ovarian failure or early onset menopause. However my FSH levels are normal, not even slightly disturbing. Right before ovulation, my E2 levels are within normal range as well. So he's stumped. He now wants to give me Lupron. Lupron - as in what they give to IVF candidates. Lupron combined with HMG or FSH. He said I had time to decide (because of the cyst).
When I got home, I told Kevin what happened and what Dr. Grrr said. I mentioned that we would have to take a break no matter what. And then he looked slightly crest fallen. Which surprises me as I thought he was onboard with the adoption track. Guess I'm going to have a talk with him. Which is annoying only because Kevin's stock answer to any life questions like this usually is "whatever you want" (or some variation). It's like pulling teeth to get him to admit what he actually wants.


Amanda said...

I'm sorry that AF found you.

You do sound like a tough case... but it sounds like he's trying to pull an "I have no idea what to do with you, so let's just do this" move, which doesn't sound too reassuring. If you do decide to do more cycles, perhaps you should interview more RE's and see if anyone has a more confident treatment plan for you.

I think part of your problem is that you have barely had any 'good' ovulations (ovulations where you had a classic temp shift and normal length lp). It could be that if you got a handful of those, you'd make it, but how to do it?

I'm sure it was hard letting that all spill out in front of your parents, but they sound like caring people and hopefully they will be able to support you what ever you do.

A said...

Well drat. I am so sorry about AF and that you're not presenting a nicely-packaged set of symptoms so your RE is kind of in the dark. I know how frustrating it is to feel like you aren't going in any certain direction (as far as treatments/cycles go). I can imagine it would have been hard to hold it together when your mom asked you about things (esp with AF!), but I am glad that your parents seemed concerned and supportive of you!!

My DH is the same way with "whatever you want"!! I hope you and he can come together and move from here in a direction you're both excited about! (Even if the direction is to just take a break for a while before the next step!)

Hillary said...

Don't you wish there were just some simple answers in this IF world?? Good luck deciding your next steps!