Wednesday, June 3, 2009

LP craziness

Two days past my average LP. I'm happy about that, but I'm still in a funk. Not helping is that the A/C at work is on the fritz. Usually our office is cold - like wearing pants and having a sweater/sweatshirt on hand even during the summer type of cold. The past two days it's been okay, not cold, but not hot either and today it has been warm! Not as warm as outside but hot enough. I don't like the heat. I know, having grown up in the deserts of west Texas and then in the tropic of Florida for 15 years, you think I would be better acclimated for dealing with the heat. And I am. When I'm in those places. But here in RVA, I like the cool-partly-cloudy-low-80s weather. So when I don't get that, I'm not a happy camper.
Yesterday I had a dentist appt. First one in 6 years! The last job I had with insurance ended in 2003, so right before my insurance ran out I went to the dentist. Well then I was self-employed and so didn't have insurance. Thank God nothing catastrophic happened during that time and I remained healthy. In 2007 I finally got insurance again, but since it had been so long, I kept putting off going back to the dentist. And finally earlier this year I forced myself to call a dentist near work for an appointment. It took 3 months to get in, but now it's over and done with and besides replacing a few fillings, I'm free till December. At the end of the appt when I was making the next appts, I thought to myself "By the time I come back for these, I'll know if I'm pregnant or not." Then I made myself stop. I can't let myself start doing things like that.
I'm getting super excited for my trip this weekend. I'm going to get to spend the whole weekend with Chicken and myParents! I fly down Friday night and Chicken is picking me up from the airport. Then Saturday is mani/pedi, shopping & a graduation party. Sunday I fly back to RVA. It's a flying visit for sure, but I'm glad I'm able to go.
This morning on the drive to work I started having these twinges. Not that bad, just sharp pains on the right side. I ovulated on the left side, so I'm not sure what it is. However, I usually only get these pains right around ovulation/right before AF arrives. Other symptoms include tender boops. This threw me off last time as I thought for sure it was a good sign. I had them until about 2 days into the new cycle. Then it stopped for 2 weeks. And reappeared around 1DPO. So I'm not so sure anymore.
Here is my thought: I'm not pregnant. Along with the twinges have been other signs that AF is going to arrive at the end of this week. If this is true, I'd rather she show up tomorrow. Cupcake (my co-worker) is taking me to work on Friday so Kevin and I are going to be rushing around at the last minute and I won't have time for a breakdown. Yes I know, I've said we're moving on to adoption, but still, this will be it for TTC. I'll be sad. And I don't want it to be while I'm down in Florida because I don't want to have to make that phone call to Kevin. And if I last till Monday, I'll be so upset, because that would have been 16DPO. So I'll make you a deal God, Thursday or preggo, okay? Ha!
Part of me wishes that this week would just be over. I want to know how it turns out. But then there's a larger part of me that likes living with this small nugget of optimism that maybe this cycle worked. It's the part of me that won't let me test early. Won't let me take my temp. Won't let me do anything that could possibly tell me that this cycle didn't work. I wish I was brave enough to POAS, just so I could know. Last summer I saw so many BFNs that I just don't think I could handle this last one. So I'll remain a coward and just wait for AF.


Hillary said...

As I was reading I wanted to tell you to POAS!! But then I got to the end and saw the fear of the BFN....and I totally understand. I'm sorry. Hang in there as you wait out these last few days! ((hugs))

Amanda said...

Well, don't pay too much attention to symptoms... they could mean anything, but the fact that AF hasn't shown yet is a pretty big deal. Hopefully that means something good is happening. (And for the record, I've read all that stuff about the early pregnancy feeling like AF and thought to myself, yeah, but this IS EXACTLY what AF feels like and was completely convinced I was out, when magically, the damn test had two lines, I absolutely thought it had made a mistake, so you never know and symptoms are useless).

So, I'm confused, when you say Thursday, do you mean today, the 4th? Well, AF has to come, hopefully it will be by your schedule.

A said...

Wow, two days past normal LP is nothing to sneeze at! I will be praying for you! I am also a POAS-wuss, so I would wait to test, too, until I was honestly going bonkers!! I will be praying for you!!