Wednesday, January 14, 2009

When Hope Fades

Yesterday I was filled with such hope and optimism about this cycle. I was halfway there and I told myself regardless of any HPT results, I was going to be happy with the fact that I ovluated. And then I got off the bus.
When I woke up this morning I was cold. Les is a great 30 lb blanket weight. Last night she decided to sleep on my side of the bed between my legs. The sheet and blanket were about halfway down my back. So I tried pulling the covers up (I usually like them over my shoulders) and couldn't so I just tucked in and went back to sleep. It's also getting really cold here! So the house cools down quite a bit overnight. At 6am when the music went off, I took my temp and then, using my iphone as a light, checked it. 97.52°. Woeful! I mean, I was hoping for at least 97.61°. I pulled up the covers (forcing Les to move), went back to sleep and ignored Kevin's wake up attempts until 7am. Then I took my temp again. 98.04° I used FF's temp corrector and it said an hour earlier my temp should have been 97.84°. I went with the 2nd temp. Now it shows I ovluated. FF didn't show ovulation with a 97.52° temp and it wasn't going to show it even if my temps went back up on Thursday and Friday. I just couldn't deal with that. So I cheated. But a part of me just knows I ovulated on Sunday even though my temps don't prove it. I don't think I could face two failed ovulations even with an HCG trigger shot.
The other reason why I'm in a funk is because I've been cramping all day today. It started yesterday while we were at Les and Dave's agility class. The cramps aren't bad, but this is generally the feeling I get the day before AF comes. When I ovulated in Cycle 2, I only had a 6 day LP. I assumed that it was because I ovulated so late (CD27). Now I'm contemplating the thought that I might have short LPs as another IF factor. Short LPs mean that even if an egg gets fertilized it doesn't have enough time to implant before AF is triggered. So for now I'm praying that I have a LP closer to 14 days than 6 days. No more prayers of being pregnant anymore.


Amanda said...

What? No more prayers for being pregnant anymore... getting upset that your temp 0.09 off what you wanted?!

Remember when you chart not to get so hooked on daily numbers, it's really more about the shift and trends. There is way too much error in bbt to get worried about individual readings being a little off.

Wait for that P4 test, it's extremely likely that you ovulated. And the cramping could just be an ovulation symptom.

And that cycle where you only had a 6 day LP, there was obviously a lot of problems there. This is not that cycle. It looks like you are a lot earlier ovulating this cycle than that one, you got a pos OPK before you even triggered, and hopefully you'll have a really great P4. And if you don't get a fantastic P4, you might still be able to do progesterone supplementation this cycle.

You still have excellent chances. Sending up prayers right now that you ovulated and are getting pregnant.

Andrea said...

I'm praying that your LP will be normal! I had short LPs after going off the pill for a few months. It was very frustrating after we started TTC. If this is the case for you I hope the doctors can help! Don't give up hope yet!