Party Poopers

That's me and Kevin tonight. Ever since we moved to RVA, Kevin and I usually go down to an area called Carytown with our friends and ring in the New Year with a bottle. Tonight however partly due to the new cover charge, the sub-freezing temperatures and the high wind advisory, not to mention my illness, we're catching up on our DVR and splitting screen time between Carson and Dick & Ryan. But for everyone else, I hope you're having the perfect New Year's Eve no matter how you are celebrating it. All the best for 2009!

A Pleasant Surprise

Tonight when Kevin got home from doing the grocery shopping, he asked me why there were flowers on our porch. I went out there to look and I saw this big arrangement of beautiful white flowers sitting next to our door. I brought them inside and opened up the card. It read "Merry Christmas Love From J, L & S." Kevin's uncle, aunt, and cousin. I was kind of distraught to receive this as we had pretty much ignored his aunt and uncle this Christmas season. There's a lot of family drama behind this but long story short, this spring Auntie L decided that she (and her family) wanted nothing more to do with her sister (Mum). Auntie L lives in the same small village. Everyone knows everyone and it just killed Mum that people outside the family would know about the problems between Mum and Auntie L. Anyways a little while later, cousin M and his wife S told Mum that they never wanted to cut off all contact and cousin S said the same. This was back in May/June and true to her word Auntie L hasn't spoken or even seen Mum since then. Needless to say, Kevin is very upset with Auntie L and so this Christmas Kevin specifically told me not to send them a card. While we were in England, he didn't want to go visit with them. When we got the mail yesterday, I found a Christmas card from them. So I know that I'm going to have to write thank you note for the flowers but I'm not really sure what to say. I know I should have sent them a card especially since SIL said that she had received a card from them. Anyways, as Kevin said when we were reading the card, "Well this is a interesting development." Pfft.

The Case of the Missing Pills

Today is CD6 for me. I should have started Clomid last night, but it seems I've misplaced my Clomid. Last night poor Kevin had to unpack all the bags himself looking for my Rx and all he found was my empty Provera bottle. So I'm not sure where it went — I'm dreading that Mum might find it — but it meant that I wasn't able to start Clomid on time. This morning I had to call Dr. T's office and explain what happened. They gave me another Rx and now I'm suppose to be taking the pills from CD6-CD10 and having a u/s & hcg trigger on CD17.
On another note, the chills I had yesterday have morphed into a sore throat and pressure headache today. I think I'm coming down with something.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Right now I am absolutely shattered. We got to wake up at 5 am (12 am ET) for our flight at 8:20. We learned from our flight over that we should book our seats before hand so yesterday we checked the website and figured out that we could check in online for international flights. Kevin didn't think this was possible. But you can! And then you get to go in the Fast Bag Drop lane and so you don't have to be at the airport 2 hours ahead of time. After squeezing two huge cases, 2 boxes, 1 small case, a book bag and 4 adults into Dad's compact car we finally made it to the airport around 7:30 am. The flight down to Terminal 5 wasn't that bad, however on the flight across things went downhill for me. I started cramping, my ears started acting up so the pressure changes were actually painful. Plus I got the sudden chills even though I was wrapped in my sweater, my jacket, Kevin's jacket and two airline blankets, I was freezing for the whole 8 hour flight. I fell asleep in the car and when I woke up 2 hours later cause we should have been home, I discovered that we hadn't even made it to Fredericksburg. Traffic was so bad that it actually took us 4 hours to make it home from the airport. As soon as we got home I took a nice long hot shower and now I'm ready for bed.

And finally the last day...

Today was our last full day in England.  Today was good because we got to try out our new suitcase, Mum and I crushed Kevin and Dad at Pictionary, Kevin and I got to see the Jo-Nathans at the pub and when we got home Peep Show was on the telly. So two more SIL & Mum stories because I just can't help myself. So Saturday afternoon when Kevin and I were just getting started packing, Mum came up and asked if we wanted to play a board game. Kevin started to say no, because we were packing but I cut him off and said "Sure!"  We head downstairs and into the dining room which just happens to be the ONLY room that you'd be able to play a board game in and who's in there all spread out with her 1000-piece puzzle but SIL. Mum sees her and asks her what board game would she like to play and SIL says none, she's just started working on her puzzle. So Mum says "But I just asked you if wanted to play a board game and you said yes." "Well now I'm doing my puzzle," says SIL. Mum replies "Okay we'll just work on your puzzle together then." SIL harrumphs at this and then gets up and walks out of the room and goes upstairs to her room. Leaving all her stuff behind and her puzzle spread out all over the table as well. Mum and I had to clean it up and then Mum went upstairs to get Pictionary. I kick A$$ at this game! Seriously, you want to be on my team if we play this during a game night! Oh and never go against me & Wiki (as a team) in any game cause we'll mow over you.  We've even been banned from being on the same team at certain friend's houses *cough*Trolley*cough* because of how good we are.

Second story involves Mum and SIL as well but this time SIL isn't the villain. So I go into the kitchen, seeing that Mum is in there alone.  She's usually never alone in the kitchen because SIL is always with her. Anyways, I ask Mum if there's anything I can do. She says no. So then I ask again if I can help and she says something about checking to see if the table has been set (it has). Then I ask her if she's sure there's nothing I can do and she says that she's got everything covered. So I finally give up and go into the living room. Not 5 minutes later Mum walks in and bends over SIL and asks her cut up the vegetables (carrots, parsnips and cauliflower). Seriously?!? I just asked you!  Do you really think I'm incapable of handling a sharp instrument? Mum does this all the time. The most responsiblity I ever get is setting the table and she has Kevin and SIL cutting and chopping and stirring. I mean I don't really like to cook but I like to help.  And meaningful help, not just something any ol' idiot could do.

Boxing Day

So EVERY time Kevin and I visit, Kevin's family loves going on big walks. Big walks with lots of hills, muddy fields and done at a brisk pace.  No not brisk, maybe more like power-walking pace.  Oh, and these walks usually last a couple of hours, with some even being almost a whole day thing. I am not a walker, I am not a fast walker, I don't like walking up hills just for the heck of it.  I've mentioned the pain that comes everytime I walk somewhere in England (even when I walk slow).  Kevin's family knows about this.  They have to know that I'm in physical pain when we go on these walks at their million-miles-a-minute walks. Pain that can bring on tears with every step. Yet every time the five of us set out for a walk this is what happens: Mum and SIL walk at their normal speed steadily increasing the space between us with each step. Kevin stays behind with me and walks at my pace, missing the time to spend and chat with his family. Dad varies in location from waiting for me to catch up, leading the walk (cause he's got the guide book) or falling behind because this portion of the walk "creases" him (his words). So if you can't tell, I don't really like these family walks. Before we went to bed on Christmas day, Mum announces that she wants to go for a walk tomorrow.  Great! So as Kevin and I were settling down for bed I told him that I wasn't going to go. I listed my reasons very clearly and said I would rather go into the village and do a bit of shopping, spending some time alone and giving Kevin time with his family without his having to worry about me. Very clear, very unemotional (I thought) and figured that was that.  Well, while I was in the shower getting ready for the day, Kevin announces to Mum that he doesn't want to go on a very long walk, nor does he want to go on any muddy walks (he didn't bring his hiking boots) and that he wants to go on a walk that isn't so strenous that they end up leaving me behind. This is not what I said! Of course Mum had already decided which walk we would go on and so this absolutely flustered her(Her and Kevin don't deal well with sudden changes to laid out plans). She goes on and on about how he didn't say anything they night before about any of his "requirements." I am in the dining room at this point, eating breakfast when they (Mum and Kevin) start arguing about where they're going.  Mum disappears for a bit and then comes back with Dad and rehashes the same argument with Kevin which upsets Kevin to the point that he storms out of the room.  Then Mum starts in on Dad about how he didn't back her up and that instead of telling her to just drop it - He did several times try to get her past the issue of Kevin's sudden requirements to actually pick a new walk - he should have gotten angry with Kevin because Kevin was being difficult and shouting at her. Well then Dad gets annoyed at Mum and he walks out of the room.  Then it's just me and Mum sitting there and she starts talking to me, wanting me to say that Kevin was wrong and that he shouldn't have sprung these sudden requirements. What am I suppose to do? Anyways we ended up going on a very boring walk along a field next to a motorway. Mum was very deliberate in her attempts to stay at the back of the group and go slow, so I'm pretty sure Kevin said something about them walking too fast. Ugh! The rest of the day went pretty smoothly, including some fun after dinner making balloon animals.

Since Christmas

I know that I have been woefully bad at posting on this blog and on leaving comments on other people's blogs and for this I'm really sorry. I wish I could say that it was due to my being extremely busy but sadly this isn't the case. Usually when I'm unable to get on the internet to post, I'll still write a bit and then just post it later or the next day. That was largly what I was doing over the Christmas week so that's why there would be nothing and then 2 or 3 posts in one day. But since Christmas I've just been lazy, so these next few posts are going to be updated as soon as I've written each post - yes I'm going to try to get them all up today.

Happy Crimbo!

Hope you and your families are having a fantastic Christmas with lots of pressies and plenty of good cheer! Every time I visit I tend to pick up a new piece of slang and this year it's "Happy Crimbo!" Kevin's family is located near Liverpool (yes Kev's been accused of sounding like one of the Beatles) and did you know that Liverpudlians have their own accent and dialect? Five points if you can guess the name of it.

Blah

So today I've been in a bit of a foul mood. On most normal days I'm a happy-go-lucky kind of gal. I'm usually even-tempered and pretty upbeat. But there's just something about about being here that always gets me down. Maybe it's that the sun doesn't come up till 8 am or sets at 4:30 pm. It could be the poor pitiful excuse for a shower head in my IL's only bathroom. Or the fact that when you're taking said shower and someone somewhere in the house turns on the water, you're suddenly having an ice cold shower. Could it be the tension in this family? The tension between SIL and Kevin? Or the tension between Mum and her sister? Or the fact that we're stuck in the house and pretty much at the mercy of rides being given? And that it's always such a big hassle to get a ride, trying to schedule it between making dinner, going to get gas or run their own errands. Because of the way english insurance works neither Kevin nor I can drive anywhere in his parents cars. And there's been doozies on this trip as well. The lost/delayed luggage. The special outfits I bought to wear that were sitting in my suitcase at the depot. The damaged bags when they finally arrived. Mum not being as excited about her gift as I was. Added to this trip, could it be the recent failure of cycle 3 or the fact that clomid & the hcg trigger shot didn't work at all? As you see a bit of a mopey camper this week. I swear next week I'll be much better.

Update: So turns out today is the the first day of Cycle 4. Yes I'm sure you're probably writing off my funky mood to this, but I don't usually PMS. Ever. It's just this place.

97.45°

So I ended up taking an unexpected vacation from bbtemping this trip. I was sitting in Terminal 5 and looking at Kevin and I suddenly realized that for the first time in since I started temping about 70 days ago, I was actually going to miss a day. First I didn't sleep a wink on the flight over and then because I didn't have my thermometer with me (it was in our checked bags). But I figured that one day wouldn't be so bad. Well then with the bags being lost I ended up missing Saturday and Sunday mornings. Yesterday morning I just couldn't be bothered taking it (I did wake up when I was suppose to). So this morning is the first time I've taken it since Thursday morning. I finished the provera Sunday evening and so this morning I wasn't sure what to expect. 97.45° is a bit higher than normal but low enough that FF took away my supposed ovulation on CD28. Now we're waiting for real for Cycle 4 to begin.

Okay, off to the pub for some drinks with the lads! :)

Can it be repaired?

Kevin called the airline and they asked him if the bag could be repaired! He just laughed, so they gave him a number to call for a baggage service. When he did, they asked him to describe the bag including the maker and that they're coming by tomorrow at 3pm to replace it. Ooooh.

Nothing much going on tonight, we might go out with Mr. Deladubree if he makes into town, but Kevin doesn't think that's going to happen. He and the Mrs. are going to India for the holidays. Actually she's already there. I'd be scared to go right now, but maybe it's safer now because everyone will be on alert.

SIL has been better, kind of. She started a 1000 piece puzzle earlier today and Kevin asked if she need any help and she declined. So Kevin made me go on a walk. And yes, my legs started killing me about half way through the walk.

Password Found, Connects All-Around

So I had Kevin nudge FIL a little bit and it worked. He found the password. We tried it out and now both my computer and iPhone are online again. So good times. Of course the first thing that Kevin wanted to look up was my facebook account to see if SIL's post/status were still there. See, yesterday while he and Mum were out picking up SIL from the train station, I went onto the internet. I checked my facebook account and saw that SIL had posted a photo from the Cowboys game onto her account on Thursday(?). And her comment on it was "Look at my tragic brother." Then on Friday she changed her status to "SIL thinks her brother is a tool." At first I wasn't going to tell Kevin but then when they got home, SIL ran up the stairs to her room and slammed the door shut. I went to find Kev and he said that at the station when she arrived, she walked right past him without saying a word to him and didn't even hug Mum hello. So I showed him what I had found. I could tell he was upset about it. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

After a bit of awkardness while Mum was opening her gifts (still with no words aimed at Kev or I from her), we went out to the stores to find outfits for last night's concert. When we got home from the shopping, SIL was a bit more friendly actually asking me about the baggage and bringing up our tea to Kevin's room. Since then she's been okay. Not great, but okay.

So anyways, when we checked this morning, the post/status weren't there. She would have had to unpost and delete them, so maybe she felt bad about it.

In other news, our bags have finally arrived! The brown bag was fine, however the grey bag was smashed to pieces. Seriously! It's a hard-shell case and pieces have been broken off of it like it's a piece of brittle. It's horrible! And all the presents were in that bag. I checked the contents of both bags and it seems that everything is still there.

Tonight we're going to dinner out to celebrate Mum's b-day. She's decided not to wear any of the jewelry given to her as presents because they don't go with her outfit. Whatever. I always try to wear birthday items right away (even if they clash), so that people know I appreciate them. Pfft.

There's just something about walking in England...

that does my legs in! Kev and I usually go on walks back home. But for some reason whenever we're in the UK and do a walk, I end up with really sore legs! And not my calves or thighs which I would know how to stretch out, but on the sides, next to my calves. It's the darndest place to be sore at! And it hurts like a b!tch! Even now, I just walked to the post box to mail some Christmas cards and my legs are killing me! And it's only a 2 minute walk each way!

So I just now mailed my Christmas cards. I was really bad this year, not sure why, but at least I mailed them before Christmas! The UK ones should arrive before Christmas, but the ones in the US will probably arrive early next week. Oops! I'm hoping that those people will be so excited about getting a card from overseas that they'll forget that it's arrived late. :D

So the in-laws have wireless internet access, however FIL put the password in such a safe place that he can't find it now. Now I'm not sure how I'm going to do IComWeLeav. I guess I should have waited till next month to do that. Didn't think that one through did I? But I'm hoping that he'll find the password soon.

Oh and the bags haven't arrived yet! They're coming to MAN on a 2:40 flight this afternoon, so who knows when we'll get our bags. Good news is that I get to go shopping for new clothes! Bad news is that I'm wearing the same clothes for the third day! Aren't you glad you can't smell me?

Where are the dolphins & whales?

So we're parked in a huge sitting area in British Airway's Heathrow Terminal 5 and I have to say, there are no dolphins, rays, whales or seals. I've looked everywhere! What there are a lot of are stores! Stores galore!

So the flight over was one annoyance after another. We arrived two hours before our flight. However the people who were on the 9:00 flight decided to show up 5 hours early and the people who were on the midnight flight showed up 8 hours early and so the line was HUGE! It took us 1 hour and 15 minutes to get through. And then we didn't even get seats together. So I asked the guy next to me if he would like to switch with Kevin (since he was sat farther up in the plane) and the guy said only if he was on the aisle. Kevin wasn't, so I settled in next to two strangers for a 6 hour flight. Nice! Mr. Aisle-Seat-Only entertained me by playing air guitar while listening to is iPod, not being able to open his tray or his video screen (we were sat in the front of section, so no seats in front of us), thinking that his show was so funny he had to rock in his seat and gesticulate grandly at it. Then when we landed (early), they weren't ready for us so they had us park away from the terminal and sent buses for us. Except they forgot to send the stairs truck for us to actually get off of the plane.

So yeah, annoying flight! I get to sit next to Kevin on the next flight and it's only an hour long. Should be better. Should.

Resolution Time!

I love New Year's resolutions. I know, it may sound weird, but I do. As soon as December starts, not only am I looking forward to my birthday, but also to putting together my New Year's Resolution List. I try to set some goals for myself that are attainable but not necessarily easy. I also have some ground rules.

Rule #1 is that I can't resolve to do anything that is going to cause an extra expense. For instance, I won't resolve to workout at a gym 3 times a week because then I'd have to buy a gym membership.

Rule #2 is that I can't resolve to lose weight. I think losing weight is a horrible NYR. So that's never on my list (even though I could afford to lose a pound or two - or 50).

And my last rule is that I can't resolve to do anything that will inconvience someone else without first talking to them about it. Usually this person is Kevin. For instance two years ago I resolved to stop eating fast food. No more McDonald's, Arby's or Burger King. I defined fast food as food establishments with a drive-thru window though, so I still go to Subway all the time. Because that resolution meant that Kevin would be affected we talked about it beforehand. He agreed and 2 years later we're still fast-food free. It was hard at first, but now I don't even get the urge anymore. Except when I see commercials claiming the McRib is back (AGAIN!). I love the McRib!
So with all those rules, here's my preliminary list of NYR for 2009:

1. Workout on the elliptical machine at least once every three days. We bought one last year and I was really good about getting on every other day for about a month. Now it just sits in Les' room folded up.
   
2. Stop snacking during the day. I use to never snack between meals. And then I moved in with Kevin and that boy eats ALL DAY LONG! So since I was having to buy him snacks to get through the day, I bought stuff I liked as well. At my desk now I have trail mix, saltines, chewy granola bars, fruit cups, yogurt (in the work fridge), clementines, apples, a banana, gum and salad dressing (for the mythological salads I have for lunch). So I'm cutting back. I'm keeping the gum, clementines and apples but everything else is going.
   
3. Only going out for lunch once a week. Yep, gotta keep my El Paso Thursdays. But I'm brown bagging it the other four days a week. Dave's agility class fees have to come from somewhere.
   
4. Volunteer at BARK once a month. I can give up one Saturday morning a month to walk/clean up after dogs that don't have a home.
   
5. Get to church every Sunday. And confession at least 4-5 times. I got really good about this earlier this year then in October we stopped going.
   
6. Vacuum at least twice a month, sweep twice a week. I'm really bad about this and I've got two very hairy dogs. I won't tell you how bad, but it's bad.
7. TBD
   

So that's all I've thought of so far. I'm sure I'll think of more soon.

A familiar face

This morning at 10:30 my blogging world was turned upside down. I received a comment from a new reader named Beth. Now for most of us having a new reader is a good thing. However I freaked out a bit because I know Beth IRL. She is a soccer mom of a girl I coached 8 years ago.

One of the best things about the built-in blog roll is that not only can you list the blogs you are reading, but you can choose to list their latest post title. This is a great way for me to quickly check on everyone's blog as well provide quick links to their blog. I probably use my own blog roll way more than anyone else who regularly visits my blog does. Three of the blogs listed are written by people I knew IRL before I found their blog. When first setting up the blog roll I chose to list their blog even though I knew there was a small possibility that they could find me. But I tried to minimize that risk by making sure I never clicked on that link. I always directly typed in their website address or I access it through a bookmark. I work with website statistics and website optimization all day long so I thought I had it covered. But I never considered that someone might click to their blog through my blogroll. I'm pretty sure that's how Beth found me.

So her comment touched home for me for several reasons.

"I had no idea what you were going through..."

This is true, almost no one knows what Kevin and I are going through. My family knows that I have PCOS and that I'm taking medicine to try to "regulate" my cycles. I think they kind of know that we're trying to fix it because we want kids, but they've all been really good at not asking too many questions. I've forbidden Kevin from telling his family because I feel like it's just one more thing that they could mark in the con column of having me for a daughter-in-law. Most likely if they never get a biological grandchild from Kevin it will be my fault. I just can't stand for them to know. Yet. I know one day I'll have to tell them, I just can't yet. I've told my cousin Mayo, an old friend from grade school and Chicken to varying degrees about what's going on in that front, but I don't keep them up to date with the latest. Again, they don't ask and I don't tell.

"or that you even wanted kids."

This assumption is true for most people who know me. Why? Well because for most of my adult life, I didn't want to have kids. When asked about kids my answers were always "Heck no!" or "Only if I can give them back!" It seems a weird stance for someone who works with kids as much as I do, but then again, I don't think anyone who knows me would call me maternal. People always tell you that once you have kids, it will kick in, but really until a couple of years ago, I'd never really seriously considered actually having kids. Even now when I think about adopting, I keep looking at toddlers (1-3 years old) instead of newborns. I'm scared of not being able to have kids, but I'm also scared to have them.

"You'll be a great mom. I will keep you & Kevin in my prayers."

Soccer parents at best are a group of people who are cheerleaders not only for their daughters, but the team and the coaches as well. They can be the ultimate support system whenever needed. Beth is definitely one of the best examples of this. Just read her blog to see how much she and her husband have changed their lives to share their daughters' passion. All three of her kids are great kids and she is definitely an example of how to do it right.

"Can I link to you on my Blogroll or are you trying to keep this on the DL?"

I've been struggling with this question all day long. I'm not really sure who reads Beth's blog other than Joanne (another former soccer mom), Beth's husband and Beth's kids. So do I want to open this up to them? As a coach, I've taken my responsibilities as a role model seriously. I changed the way I talked (cursing less) and thought of the 10-18 girls under my charge when making decisions. I've always tried to be someone they could look up to and trust and respect. Is this suppose to be one more way that I'm suppose to help? For the past 8 years that I coached, there are around 4-6 girls from each team that I coached that I still keep in touch with. So around 25-30 girls all in high school or college now. There's every likelyhood that one of those girls is going to have a problem with PCOS or with some type of infertility. Even though I feel a strong calling to adopt, maybe I was suppose to go through this for them. On the other hand, do I want to go public with this information yet? I'm still struggling with the label of infertility and all that goes with it. Am I ready for this? But then again, why did I list their blogs at all unless I really did want to be found out. I always knew it was a possibility.

So you might be asking me if I am upset that my blog was found out. Truthfully, no. And I mean that. Having one more person in my corner and offering positive thoughts and prayers will help. I might have to make some changes. Like on my FF chart, I removed the BD'ing section, cause it's weird for me to have that kind of information available to people who actually know me and Kevin. But for the most part, I'm okay with knowing that Beth reads my blog. Even more than okay.

As for the linking, I don't think I'm ready for that. Maybe after February, when I've seen the new RE, Kevin and I have made a choice about adoption or we have a new plan for battling this darn infertility I'll be more open to it. But for now I'd like to keep this to myself for a little while longer.

So welcome Beth. Welcome to my world :).

P.S. Man! Can I over analyze a situation or what? Maybe I am turning more into Wiki than I thought!

Enhancements

So I've been making a few enhancements to the blog this past week. First, I added the followers widget. Just having people follow me makes me feel so liked :). Next I tried to do a condensed version of Kevin's and my story. I really like reading these things on others blog, but for some reason, waited till now to do it myself. It came out a little long so I made it a post and then tried to do an even more condensed version. Also, I added a link for those people who are wanting to read just my TTC/Adoption posts. And last, I added a ticker that countsdown till we see the new RE! 2 months 3 days!

On the TTC front, I started Provera on Friday. My bbt shot way up this weekend. And because of that, FF thinks I ovulated last Thursday. I'm pretty sure the rise in bbt is due to Provera and not because I actually ovulated, but I can't find any charts that support my hypothesis. I guess I'll find out after I stop taking Provera.

Let's talk about Dave, baby!

So cool thing that happened this week (which I didn't blog about because the whole RE thing took all my blog posts) was that the trainer at Les' agility class thinks that Les is 1 class away from being promoted to the next level.  I'm excited because this means that Dave can start back up again.

I noticed that I haven't mentioned much about Dave in this blog.  It's not because she's the ugly stepchild.  Just because she's been pretty boring lately. Well except for the whole macadamia nut episode.  Anyways, for the first 5 years of Dave's life, she participated regularly in agility.  She wasn't that good (wandering nose and not food-driven), but enough that we could have fun. When we moved to Ohio we did flyball for a little while but that really never took off.  Finally early this summer since I was taking a break from soccer, I wanted to pick up agility with both dogs.  Les had never done it before so to make things easier on myself, I planned to start Les only and when she reached the level I thought Dave was at I would then get Dave going again.  That way I would only be going to classes once a week instead of 2-3 times a week.  Well, Les is finally at that point, so in the new year, Dave starts her classes. 

A couple of months ago I had to do a project in PremierePro for a training class I was taking and of course I did it of the dog! So for your enjoyment, presenting Dave. Oh, and as the Wizard of Oz says "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."

Progress

The u/s didn't last that long. Afterwards, Dr. T told me that it doesn't look I ovulated. No sh!t Sherlock! Also, he said that since my lining isn't that thick he doesn't think AF is going to visit on her own. After talking a little bit about injectibles (yikes!) we decided that I'm going to stay on Clomid, but at 150mg for round 4. Also HCG trigger shot on CD16 again. He said that because of my lining thickness and that there weren't any follicles/cysts in the ovaries, I could start the next round of Clomid now. However Kev and I are going to back to his for the holidays so that would mean I would be 3000 miles away on CD16. So Dr. T wants me to go ahead and do Provera and then Clomid. So based on this schedule the next time I POAS should be at the end of January.

When I got home, I had a packet from Dr. G's office. In it was:
1. A letter from Ms. J (who's the office manager).
2. A registration form.
3. Directions to the office
4. Male Patient History Form (3 pages!)
5. Female Patient History Form (again 3 pages!)
6. A brochure about Dr. G/Center where he mentions his & his wife's own struggle with infertility.
I'm sooooo excited about working with this doctor. I'm going to take some of your suggestions and call the office to see if I can be put on a cancelled appt list.

Kev and I have come up with a plan for what's next. I'll post more about it later.

Guess where I'm at?!?

I'm sitting in the waiting room of Dr. T's office. Long winded story of how I got here but it starts with a phone call (eventually)...

So I didn't get any call from Dr. T or his nurse yesterday. After thinking about what I should do, talking to Kev, and processing all your comments (thanks everyone!) I decided to go ahead and call Dr. P and ask them to take care of me till I could see Dr. G. So this morning I called Dr. P's nurse, left a message and asked them to call me back. Then I got down to the business of working.

Finally around 11 am I couldn't stand it anymore and called Dr. T's office again. I just had to know why they were treating me like this. The front desk lady actually answered and I explained my situation to her. She then put me on hold and a couple of minutes later Dr. T came on the phone. I told him everything that had happened (IF wise, I didn't feel like getting into the whole calls-not-being-returned at that point) and he asked me a some questions. After shuffling some papers for a few minutes he finally decided that I should come in so that he could do an u/s and see what was going on.

As soon as I hung up with Dr. T, I had a message from Nurse B at Dr. P's office. When I called back I learned that Dr. P isn't in today but I explained what was going on and Nurse B said she's going to talk to her tomorrow and then give me a call back. After today's appt with Dr. T, I'll figure out what to do about Dr. P.

Going off the reservation

Yesterday at 4:45 pm I still hadn't gotten a call from my RE or Nurse K.  So I looked up the other REs in my plan, found one at random and gave them a call.  Ms. J (don't know if she's the nurse yet or not) answered and was wonderful! Caring and funny all over the phone.  At first I tried to play off my call as my OB/GYN wanted me to start seeing an RE but because of all the questions she asked, I ended up telling her about my current RE/situation. So good news is that I have a new RE, Dr. G, and bad news is that Dr. G doesn't have a new patient appt open till February 2009! Ack! Ms. J told me that it would take about 2 hours and that Kevin should come. This is sooooo completely different to how my first appt with Dr. T was.  That appt lasted about 30 minutes with the U/S that he did!  

So my problem is what to do till February.  I'm on CD34 with no PMS symptoms.  Not that I've usually ever had PMS symptoms before in the past.  I've got an Rx of Provera and Clomid (100mg) at the pharmacy, I'm considering getting them both filled so that I can start the next round.  If I start Provera tomorrow, based on past uses/cycles, I could be able to fit 1.5 more cycles in before my appt and plus I would only have to wait a couple of weeks to start new treatment with Dr. G.  My only concern is that I only have 100mg of Clomid and I would want to go up to 150mg.  So maybe if I call my OB/GYN I can get them to write me an Rx.  Hmmm.

I know that I'm not a doctor and that doing this stuff without a doctor guiding you can be dangerous, but the only reason why I'm considering this is because my OB/GYN did originally tell me that she wanted me to do 6 cycles of Clomid (possibly going up to 150mg) and then referred me to an RE after two failed cycles (at 50mg and 100mg).

I'm also considering calling my OB/GYN and telling them that I couldn't get an appt with my RE till February (which is kinda true) and so could they help me till then.

I don't know.  I'm just blogging through my options here.

Also, after lunch today I called and left a message for Nurse K and said that I was very disappointed with their lack of response to me and my case.  I said that it had been over 48 hours since my first call and 24 hours since they said they were going to call me back and that I was still in the dark about what to do next.  I said that if they were unwilling or unable to help me that they needed to tell me so that I could find someone who was.  Let's see if they call back.

Looking at my options

This morning at about 8:45 am I called Nurse K again. I also looked at my health insurance's website to see if there are any other REs in my area that are in my plan. There are 4 others. One is Dr. T's partner and although I've heard good things about him, he's the one who gave me the HCG shot even though he told me he didn't like what he saw in the u/s. So really there are only three. At this point I've decided that if I don't get a call back today I'm going to go with another RE. I've never had that good gut instinct about this guy and something about him just doesn't mesh. I've been reading more and more about women who just click with their REs. They really feel like their RE is in their corner and fighting for them. I kinda want that.

Update: At 10:45 am I finally got a call from Nurse K. She called to say that she'd put my file on Dr. T's desk and that as soon as he decided what I should do next, he or she would call me back. Hello! I called yesterday and you just put my file on his desk? Seriously? So now I'm waiting for another call. I'm still keeping my deadline of hearing back from them by EOD. This call here doesn't count.

That's a Negative

As suspected my HPT came out a BFN this morning.  I wasn't really expecting a positive as my temperatures have remained pretty much constant this whole time.  And I'm really good about waking up at 6 am to take them. But anyways.  So I called my RE's nurse (Nurse K) and left a message around 10:45 am.  She claims in her message that she'll call you back at lunch or at the end of the day.  By 4:30 pm I still hadn't gotten a call back so I called again.  I was told Nurse K was the only nurse in that day and so she was swamped.  She usually would have messages answered by then, but that since today was a Monday and she was split between the two RE's, it might be a while.  It is now 7 pm and nothing.  Not that I was expecting much after 5 pm though. I'll try again tomorrow.

P.S. I'm getting so good at Rock Band - hitting 97-98% on the songs. Yes!

Burnin' Down Da House

Hello! So I had a fantastic birthday today. Kevin and I got to sleep in today till 9:30 am. Les and Dave kept bugging Kevin to get up but left me alone. Then we had a traditional English breakfast - I had to make the eggs though cause Kevin claims not to be able to do fried eggs. After breakfast Kevin produced all the cards/gift that had been mailed to me that he took into protective custody. I guess I should be thankful for that otherwise I would open them all during the week instead of waiting till my actual birthday. Yes, I know I'm bad. Very, very bad. Kevin got me Rock Band. I'd been wanting this game because I LOVE the drums. We then rocked out all day - even skipping Church (don't tell MyDad!) and grocery shopping - took a break to watch the football games, and then rocked out some more.

We then got all dressed up, took some pictures of us and went to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. I decided to splurge a little and went ahead and had a drink. I'm pretty sure I'm not KU so I had a Flying Gorilla (Fresh Banana, Chocolate, Ice Cream, Créme de Cacao and DeKuyper Banana Liqueur). Best. Drink. Ever. It's like a Chocolate Elvis from Planet Smoothie, but better! And the best part? The waitress carded me! Ten years later and I'm still being carded.

When it came time to order dessert (cheesecake of course), I was torn between ordering the peanut butter one and the cookie dough one. Then on the next page, I saw that they offered Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Cheesecake. Awesomeness!! While we were waiting to order, Kevin asked me if I had blown out the candles I had lit for our pictures.

Me: "Um, no, I thought you did."
Kev: "No, you did, right?"
Me: "Noooooo."
Kev: "Are you serious?"
Me: "Maybe we should get these cheesecakes to go."

So we ordered the cheesecakes, finally got our check from "Susie SlowService", paid and rushed home. No firetrucks in our street. Phew! We walked in and the house was fine, candles still burning nicely and the dogs all excited about our doggy bags. So much excitement! But all's good now. Might play a few more songs of Rock Band and then go to bed.

Tomorrow morning I POAS and then call the doctor and tell them "I got a BFN. Could be because I didn't ovulate like I told you last week!" Arg.

Infertility Support Group

Tomorrow I'm attending an Infertility Support Group meeting. Back in September, I was dealing with the beginnings of infertility.  But still, I didn't consider myself to have a real problem.  I thought "It's just temporary, with diet, exercise and drugs, my body will work.  We'll get pregnant fast, once I take the drugs." I didn't want to label myself as infertile.
At Church, we have a weekly bulletin.  In it, I saw a announcement that there was a Infertility Support Group at another church at the end of the month.  I felt a strong calling to attend that meeting.  I wanted to talk to someone face to face about what was going on.  I wanted to talk to someone face to face who was going through the same thing I was.  But still, I struggled with admitting that I was infertile.  So when something else came up that allowed me to skip that meeting, I did.  I was weak and rather than admit that I really truly was in fact facing a fertility problem I allowed myself to skip that meeting.
On Sunday, back in church, I regretted it.  I knew I should have gone and now it was too late.  So I checked the bulletin and nothing. No mention of it. So I waited.  October passed by and nothing.  And then November started coming to a close and still nothing.  So last week I decided to google for it. I found the blog of the woman who helped start it. On her blog, she had a post about the group and when the next meeting was. It was within two weeks. I was so excited that I immediately sent her an email.  I knew that this time I HAD to go.  I would force myself to get up early on Saturday and attend. I don't need labels to have permission to go, I just need to have the need for support.  And I do.

CD27

Today is CD27. On this day last cycle I was ovulating. I was really hoping that on CD27 of this cycle I would be in my two week wait. Is that totally weird? That I was wanting to be in my 2WW? Anyways, yesterday I called my RE and spoke to the nurse. I explained that I was 10 DP my HCG trigger shot and no O yet. She wasn't very helpful. She told me to wait till Saturday, POAS and then call them with the results. Umm, did you hear me? I haven't ovulated yet! But whatever. I'm considering waiting till Monday. Cause really, I can't actually do anything about the results on a Saturday. Sunday is my b-day so I've decided I DON'T want to know that I failed to ovulate/get KU on that day. Also based on the past two cycles, AF should arrive on Sunday (great!) and I can save the pg test for when it actually might count.

The Perfect Gift

So Mum's — Kevin's mom — 60th birthday is Dec. 20th. It ended up working out that we'll be in town for this one so Yay!  Yesterday Kevin, MyMom and I went to Tiffany & Co to see what we could see, and we found this necklace for Mum.

What's awesome though, is that Kevin picked it out!  Usually he's horrible about picking out gifts, especially jewelry, mainly cause he's afraid to get it wrong. But yesterday at the store, I gave him 3 or 4 options and he actually picked one himself.

P.S. I'm having a GREAT hair day today...for once.